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    Just venting i'm afraid ....

    I posted this on mods, but not many people check in there, I don't usually share my probs here, but i'm kind of in a bad place tonight ......... dad goes in hospital for a heart op tomorrow so I have enough on ...... but then this happens .........

    Oh My God!!!

    Today has been horrendous ......this is gonna be a long one but I really need to vent !!!!

    One of my closest friends is a single mum to a daughter age 10, the father 'left' her when she was 5 months pregnant after violently beating her up several times .... over the past 10 years he has drifted in and out of her life, demanding sex with violence, helping himself to food out of cupboards, getting himself a key cut and generally, verbally abusing her, because she still loves him she has let him get away with it ..... I also need to add that he is a 'thug' he hurts people for money, or sometimes just for fun, and has spent several stretches in jail.

    She recently met a kind caring man and had the courage to change the locks, the problem is that this man lives at the other end of the country so only sees her at weekends, her ex found out ....

    Today she came round to my office showing me a text message asking for 'his' car back .... long story but the log book is in her name .....

    She phoned him and he threatened her and when she went home he was parked outside .... she came back to me and we called the police, they cautioned him and he left ...... but after the police left, guess what he was back .... he blocked in the car with his tow truck and said that he would be back later for his car ....... the police now tow away his truck, my friend daren't leave the house so here I was with my daughter and hers at my house with all my doors locked this man knows where I live and knows that I helped her .........

    None of her family will help her because they are all scared of him and his contacts, he has told her bluntly that he will get revenge but will make sure that he has an alibi .............

    This is kinda scary .......

    Thanks for reading, Betts xxx
    __________________
    sigpicXXX

    #2
    Just venting i'm afraid ....

    (((BB)))

    I was stalked by a guy in my early twenties. It was one of the most terrifying times of my life. I got a restraining order but that did little for the immediate danger....and it sound like this guy doesn't give a sh*t either.

    I know u want to be a good friend. But getting urself involved is not going to do her a lot of good if u get hurt too.....and u have a child to think of.

    If it were me......having gone thru this, I would lend her money to go to a motel and tell her she can call u, but what she really needs to do is to not back down. To file a police report and keep filing. What she saysis love.... is not love, it's power and it's dangerous.

    My guy....finally ended up killing himself. Can't say I miss him, am sorry he was so screwed up he felt that way....I wasn't the first he stalked, tho I was the last.

    The laws are better than they were, but if ur friend keeps on letting him back into her life.....well, not much you can do. And the guy she is seeing is at risk too....does he know?

    Anyway, my fingers are crossed for your dad:fingers:. You do have enuf on your plate, hon :wings:

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      #3
      Just venting i'm afraid ....

      That is horrible!!! What a prick.

      I don't know what to say as that was a lot to take in.. and it's a scary situation. My first instinct would be to protect my baby girl at all costs; even if that meant going to jail (I have issues).

      I am so sorry.. can she not go to a safe house? Family out of the city? Anywhere to help them.

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        #4
        Just venting i'm afraid ....

        Hey Betts: Sorry to hear this. Do you have anti-stalking laws where you are? This sounds like a really scary situation for both you and your friend

        I hope you and your friends stay safe and that things go well for you dad tomorrow

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          #5
          Just venting i'm afraid ....

          Betty, that's terrible.
          How can someone get away with that.
          Like rob said...stay safe.

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            #6
            Just venting i'm afraid ....

            Hart, thanks and sorry for bringing up bad memories ........

            GG, her family are local, and very scared of this man ...

            Rob, the police say that it is her word against theirs, but they are on her side ......

            I don't mean to sound selfish, but she openly said that she knows that her family are scared of him and wont help her, so she came to me .............

            That doesn't make me feel really good ............

            Thanks all of you for listening, Betts xxx
            sigpicXXX

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              #7
              Just venting i'm afraid ....

              I responded in Mod's but I will say something here too. Please be safe. For you, your friend and your children. Be safe!
              "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

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                #8
                Just venting i'm afraid ....

                I have to agree that she should not stay at your home- get her out of there and help financially if she needs it but she really needs to do this mostly alone without endangering anyone else. This guy sounds very scary and he could end up hurting her very badly (or worse) and if you there he could hurt you too. Be careful :h
                Sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. On my way, to where the air is sweeeet!!! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to......LOL

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                  #9
                  Just venting i'm afraid ....

                  Popeye and beaches, thanks so much,

                  Happy, thanks also .....

                  I have known about this situation for many years, but she now has this boyfriend who is the other end of the country advising her and she hangs on his every word, but he is not able to protect her, and her family wont ...... because they are scared of him and his gang ..

                  Here am I, 4 foot 11inches tall, tackling a 6foot 6 bodybuilder ............

                  I also mentioned on mods that my favourite uncle suffered a stroke yesterday, lost his speech ..........

                  Only on my second glass of red wine tonight which is a miracle ....

                  Thanks all ...........

                  Betts xx
                  sigpicXXX

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                    #10
                    Just venting i'm afraid ....

                    God Betty, I just wish there was something I could do to help the situation, but all I can offer are words. I am so sorry you're in such a difficult, frightening situation and just hope that your friend can get the safety she needs without you putting yourself at even greater risk. Can the police really offer nothing? What about a safe house or shelter until something can be done more long term?

                    Thinking of you and sending many cyber hugs :l :l :l Take care of yourself and your little girl :h . I know we're a long way away, but your not alone - we're there in mind if not in body!

                    Best wishes to your Dad for tomorrow too - I hope it's a great success and he makes a good recovery.

                    Much love,
                    :rays: Arial

                    Last first day - 15th April 2012
                    Goals:
                    Days 1-7 DONE
                    Days 8-14 DONE
                    Days 15-21 DONE
                    30 days DONE
                    60 days
                    100 days

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Just venting i'm afraid ....

                      This is terrible.
                      I agree with what HappyCamper says....get her out of your home.
                      Go to a gun shop and buy a can of mace for your girls.
                      Your friend needs to go to the city court house, and get a restraining order application.
                      She needs to call the police everytime, he creates a problem, so a record is established.
                      The county attorney may be able to assist her. She should call their offices.
                      Go to the animal pound and buy her the biggest male dog available.
                      We really care about you Betts, and do not want anything to happen to you, so be very careful, watch your back.
                      Meow-Meow
                      MonaKitty

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Just venting i'm afraid ....

                        Arial, thanks so much ....

                        Because it's only words at the minute the police just say phone if we get a problem .....

                        Unfortunately in the past my friend has been his alibi while his enemies get beaten up, or he gets paid to break peoples legs etc. that she knows his tricks, he will have another woman happy to give him an alibi .......
                        sigpicXXX

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                          #13
                          Just venting i'm afraid ....

                          Could your friend go and stay with this man she is seeing?

                          Such a conflicting predicament to be in Betty. You want to be a good friend and try to help her but at the same time you have to worry about you and yours.

                          Is there a safe house for abused women near you? Even if she doesn't stay there she can utilize the many programs they may have. ie: counselling for abused women. This would be a good place to start for her to end this once and for-all. It sounds like she cannot let go of this man completely.

                          My advice, and I may be way out of line here, is for you to possibly gather some information for her (ie: women's crisis information) and pass it along to her. You can only do so much without potentially placing yourself/family in danger. You are obviously caught between a rock and a hard place but ultimately you need to be safe and protect your family. There are a lot of 'loose cannons' in this world. I would really hate to see something happen to any of you if he does completely snap. This is way beyond your league and needs to be addressed by the authorities and other professionals. Domestic violence should never be taken lightly. Too many tragedies result from this type of behaviour.

                          and........... I hope your dad will do well in his op tomorrow. You have a lot going on.

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                            #14
                            Just venting i'm afraid ....

                            Betts, sorry I didn't give you my sympathy about your familes' health issues. You poor girl, hang in there. Go easy on the wine too honey, you gotta stay focused.
                            Meow-Meow
                            MonaKitty

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Just venting i'm afraid ....

                              Monacat .... thanks so much, my parents are telling me that I shouldn't help her ........ my poor dad going in for heart surgery tomorrow with this on his mind ......

                              I'm going to have a relaxing bath now, hubby and german shepherd are on guard and I will be back soon ......

                              Love you all so very much, Betts xxx
                              sigpicXXX

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