MAE Everyone,
This coming Monday I?m marking one year on the ?wonder wagon.? And what a ride it?s been.
There is no one thing or strategy that has nailed this quit for me, but I had got to a stage where I was jeopardizing everything I had ? my mental and physical health, relationships with friends and family, my job, my future. No area of my life was untouched by my drinking. I was nearing fifty years of age, and feared my best years were well behind me.
? Fear is a great motivator: I was scared. Scared of the thoughts circling in my head, day in and day out. Scared that drinking had long ceased to be for ?enjoyment? or social reasons, but rather to soothe the beast that was screaming inside my head. Scared that I had taken to drinking at lunchtimes and even at my desk at work (!) as I was no longer capable of holding out until after work. Scared of the cover ups or outright lies if someone questioned my drinking. Scared that my body was no longer able to process the alcohol, and my stomach was never normal any more. (I took anti-diarrhea pills on a daily basis.) And my head was worse than my gut; it truly felt like I was going mad. I was scared that I would lose my job. Scared my friends would grow tired of my inability to keep to arrangements and just give up on me. Scared that my life had narrowed to such a degree that getting into work (feeling like crap) and drinking were all I ?accomplished? in my days. All other pastimes had ground to a halt. Something had to change.
? Finding a like-minded community (MWO) was a revelation. I had truly believed that my experience of al addiction was just that: my experience. Before reading and posting on MWO I had no idea that others went through the same kind of thinking, the same feelings, the same day-to-day struggles and scenarios I was dealing with. I felt understood, and hopeful! Every poster on MWO is helping others; and the compassion and support, coupled with practical tips and advice is fantastic. I have many helpful and inspiring quotes from MWO saved in my mobile phone and read through them often. For various reasons I?ve not posted nearly as often as many others, but I?m eternally grateful to the generous souls who post here, and sincerely hope an odd post of mine has reached someone else.
? Telling trusted friends, relatives and/or professionals can elicit support you might not have expected. At first it was only my doctor, my kid brother, and a couple of close friends who knew the extent of my problem. The friends I told first were the ones I suspected would understand the best, and are social drinkers only, i.e. not ?drinking buddies?. (Telling drinking buddies came later, when I was more comfortable with my quit.) As time has passed I have revealed my non-drinking-for-life status to more and more people, which helps keep me honest. Maybe I?ve been lucky in not really encountering much negative response to my quit, but anyone who?s hinted that I?m ?missing out? gets put in their place very quickly; a benefit of my increased confidence since quitting!
? Keeping the benefits of not drinking at the forefront of my mind at all times became easier and easier, and helped me stay quit. My health began to improve after a couple of weeks, and has continued to do so. Body and mind are so much better now. I can commit to things without fear of letting anyone down. I am fully present in my relationships and enjoy them a lot more. I am no longer risking losing my job. I have saved AU$4,000 in just one year!! My life has opened up again, and I can take on new interests and, most importantly, take care of my elderly parents in their time of need. The benefits of not drinking really are exponential.
? Making a list of favourite activities, foods, non-al drinks, etc. was fun, and I slot things from the list into my days as often as I can. This can be particularly helpful in the early days of quitting. Be gentle with yourself and treat yourself to nourishing foods and whatever else makes you happy. For me, bubble baths and pampering were nice, along with movies and, when my concentration improved, good books.
? I don?t ever take my quit for granted. Even after one year, there are still days when I contemplate drinking. Usually it?s because I?m under stress with my folks, or my partner, or at my work-place, or because it?s a ?special? day when it seems like everyone on the planet is drinking. But I know that drinking would only make any problem so much worse. And even on special days, not everyone is drinking, and there are plenty of ways to celebrate and have fun without it.
So many people I?ve only talked to when under al?s influence, so many places I?ve only visited with al in my system. Now I intend to revisit some of those places with a clear head (the seaside town of Robe in South Australia comes to mind as an example.) And I want to meet people and have real conversations, not slip and slur and not remember.
I could probably go on and on, and I?m worried I?ve left something fundamental out, but this has already been a very long post! Thankyou to everyone I?ve met on MWO, an amazing group of individuals with the same goal in mind. As I?ve said before, I haven?t been a frequent poster. I work on a computer all day and find it hard to log on at the end of the day. I?ve also been very distracted the past five months with my parents? rapidly deteriorating health, and it requires a lot of my psychic energy. This doesn?t mean that I don?t have MWO and its people in mind. I truly think of many posters often, and I wish you all the very best in your quit. It is so worth it.
love, Steady
This coming Monday I?m marking one year on the ?wonder wagon.? And what a ride it?s been.
There is no one thing or strategy that has nailed this quit for me, but I had got to a stage where I was jeopardizing everything I had ? my mental and physical health, relationships with friends and family, my job, my future. No area of my life was untouched by my drinking. I was nearing fifty years of age, and feared my best years were well behind me.
? Fear is a great motivator: I was scared. Scared of the thoughts circling in my head, day in and day out. Scared that drinking had long ceased to be for ?enjoyment? or social reasons, but rather to soothe the beast that was screaming inside my head. Scared that I had taken to drinking at lunchtimes and even at my desk at work (!) as I was no longer capable of holding out until after work. Scared of the cover ups or outright lies if someone questioned my drinking. Scared that my body was no longer able to process the alcohol, and my stomach was never normal any more. (I took anti-diarrhea pills on a daily basis.) And my head was worse than my gut; it truly felt like I was going mad. I was scared that I would lose my job. Scared my friends would grow tired of my inability to keep to arrangements and just give up on me. Scared that my life had narrowed to such a degree that getting into work (feeling like crap) and drinking were all I ?accomplished? in my days. All other pastimes had ground to a halt. Something had to change.
? Finding a like-minded community (MWO) was a revelation. I had truly believed that my experience of al addiction was just that: my experience. Before reading and posting on MWO I had no idea that others went through the same kind of thinking, the same feelings, the same day-to-day struggles and scenarios I was dealing with. I felt understood, and hopeful! Every poster on MWO is helping others; and the compassion and support, coupled with practical tips and advice is fantastic. I have many helpful and inspiring quotes from MWO saved in my mobile phone and read through them often. For various reasons I?ve not posted nearly as often as many others, but I?m eternally grateful to the generous souls who post here, and sincerely hope an odd post of mine has reached someone else.
? Telling trusted friends, relatives and/or professionals can elicit support you might not have expected. At first it was only my doctor, my kid brother, and a couple of close friends who knew the extent of my problem. The friends I told first were the ones I suspected would understand the best, and are social drinkers only, i.e. not ?drinking buddies?. (Telling drinking buddies came later, when I was more comfortable with my quit.) As time has passed I have revealed my non-drinking-for-life status to more and more people, which helps keep me honest. Maybe I?ve been lucky in not really encountering much negative response to my quit, but anyone who?s hinted that I?m ?missing out? gets put in their place very quickly; a benefit of my increased confidence since quitting!
? Keeping the benefits of not drinking at the forefront of my mind at all times became easier and easier, and helped me stay quit. My health began to improve after a couple of weeks, and has continued to do so. Body and mind are so much better now. I can commit to things without fear of letting anyone down. I am fully present in my relationships and enjoy them a lot more. I am no longer risking losing my job. I have saved AU$4,000 in just one year!! My life has opened up again, and I can take on new interests and, most importantly, take care of my elderly parents in their time of need. The benefits of not drinking really are exponential.
? Making a list of favourite activities, foods, non-al drinks, etc. was fun, and I slot things from the list into my days as often as I can. This can be particularly helpful in the early days of quitting. Be gentle with yourself and treat yourself to nourishing foods and whatever else makes you happy. For me, bubble baths and pampering were nice, along with movies and, when my concentration improved, good books.
? I don?t ever take my quit for granted. Even after one year, there are still days when I contemplate drinking. Usually it?s because I?m under stress with my folks, or my partner, or at my work-place, or because it?s a ?special? day when it seems like everyone on the planet is drinking. But I know that drinking would only make any problem so much worse. And even on special days, not everyone is drinking, and there are plenty of ways to celebrate and have fun without it.
So many people I?ve only talked to when under al?s influence, so many places I?ve only visited with al in my system. Now I intend to revisit some of those places with a clear head (the seaside town of Robe in South Australia comes to mind as an example.) And I want to meet people and have real conversations, not slip and slur and not remember.
I could probably go on and on, and I?m worried I?ve left something fundamental out, but this has already been a very long post! Thankyou to everyone I?ve met on MWO, an amazing group of individuals with the same goal in mind. As I?ve said before, I haven?t been a frequent poster. I work on a computer all day and find it hard to log on at the end of the day. I?ve also been very distracted the past five months with my parents? rapidly deteriorating health, and it requires a lot of my psychic energy. This doesn?t mean that I don?t have MWO and its people in mind. I truly think of many posters often, and I wish you all the very best in your quit. It is so worth it.
love, Steady
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