Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[jane27]

Good morning everyone,

Was thinking this morning about the moment a match strikes creating a flame. - and correspondingly the moment I made the connection between drinking and feeling better.
I was 26 - it was March of 1996, and I was clinically depressed having recently ended a 7 year relationship. I had been petrified of anti depressants (particularly Prozac), but things had gotten so bad around Christmas time that I was basically bedridden. I had begun taking Prozac in January 97. It had been about 2 months, I was out to dinner with my father and ordered a red wine, I guess for the hell of it. I didn't drink regularly in those days because I was always watching my weight and didn't want to consume the extra calories. It was a very big glass. I felt a surge of warmth after 2 or 3 sips. It felt good. I felt a safeness that seemed to facilitate emotion. I remember my eyes welling up with tears and telling my Dad I loved him. Even though this was my first experience of this kind, I knew I had the wine to thank for the good feeling.

What about you guys?

Wishing everyone a day that counts.

[abcowboy]

open halo on your 1st. month of your final quit!

Howdy everyone! It was with a bit of trepidation that I posted those congrats. I am going to be brutally honest here, so please don't take any offense anyone. A few days ago, I almost gave up on keeping track of quit dates, milestones, and offering congrats to those who are working on quitting. Then I remembered my days in AA, how I felt when I went to a meeting, gave back all my earned coins, and even some I didn't honestly earn because I wasn't being honest with the group or myself. The group never said a word, just reminded me to keep coming back, sooner or later it would stick. Just when I thought I had figured out how to make my quit stick, along came another excuse to drink! Yet Bubba never gave up hope in me, my kids never gave up hope in me, my AA group never gave up hope in me, and God didn't give up hope in me, so why did I keep giving up hope in myself?? Now that I know I'm in my final quit, the answer came to me, I gave up on myself because I didn't think I deserved the love and support of those who cared for me. When I finally opened my mind and heart to all that love and support, the "match struck and created a flame" as Jane so simply put it, but this flame was a burning desire to rid myself of alcohol forever! So I will continue to offer congrats, recognize milestones, offer support, in the hopes that everyone will one day strike their own match. Just because I gave up on myself for so many years is no reason for me to give up on anyone else. If not for all of you sharing your struggles, I would still be having them.

So, AG, SS, Min, and everyone still looking for that match, you will find it! Start by believing in yourself and opening your heart and mind to all the love and support that surrounds you.....and keep coming back!

[paulywogg]

Hey guys, AG,I understand that robot feeling, its almost like your brain isn't connected to your body that pattern can be broken though, just takes some time and effort, was reading SS's blog and one of the posters said she doesn't have daily cravings but gets slammed out of the blue with an urge to drink,that describes how I am, interesting how we're so different but still so alike, hope everyone is well and I hope we all have a peaceful Thursday

[paulywogg]

Cowboy, I can understand why you would feel hesitant about the rewards, I've seen many times that you offer one and the person admits that they drank,tbh I'm having a hard time reading about the relapses I care about everyone getting healthy and I care about myself staying sober,and I want people to be honest and I'm certainly no better, I think that's why lately I've been staying on the abs threads mostly, I love you guys but I have to focus on myself right now

[Lizann]

Jane, I honestly don't remember my first experience with al. I do remember going to HS grad parties and I was appalled at how people were drinking. I went into to work the next morning and my boss was surprised to see me bright eyed and not hung over. Throughout college I avoided bars and such. I drank rarely until my kids were in like HS. It crept in insidiously.
Cowboy, thanks for not giving up on us! God put you here for a specific reason and I thank you both for that! Right now I'm in a good place and just just taking day by day!

[BeachGirly]

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[Lizann]

Hope you all had a good sober day. Just thought I'd share some news. My son was approved for his work visa in Switzerland. He needs to go NYC to the Swiss consulate to do some paperwork. Not sure how soon he will be able to go. He is absolutely exhausted today. Sleeping on the couch at 7pm. My poor baby. Gonna miss him, but am thrilled for this opportunity.

[abcowboy]

Great news Liz!

[actiongirl46]

Awesome news Liz!!

[actiongirl46]

Thanks all for your support and words of wisdom. Ginger, BG, and others, not sure how you can be so optimistic with my eventual recovery but it is absolutely contagious. I really needed to hear that I'll get it someday. Very comforting. Thank you.

PW (this is not just about you, I have thought about it many times) I will take myself off the thread until I am really ready to commit. Thank you for being honest about how my relapses make you feel. I have hesitated to share these due to exactly how it made you react. (Not just you but worried about that with many. I do not want to normalize relapsing.) NOT worth it. This site is about maintaining a quit.

Take care all and I'll be back when I get myself together. I definitely do not want to upset anyone's hard earned quit, especially when I am still working on just starting mine. Stay strong peeps!! luv you guys and see you soon, I hope! Action Girl

P.S. Hubby home Saturday, don't worry, my plan to enlist him is still strongly in place. He will help me, I am sure of it. I'll be back before you know it!

[paulywogg]

AG,the worst thing is for you to quit posting! Don't do that, this thread is exactly for the purpose of being honest and working slips out and coming up with a new plan, we're all in this together, I have a lot of stuff going on ATM,and tbh if I could drink to relax,I probably would be unfortunately/fortunately, my body just won't let me anymore, please don't leave!that will make me feel worse than I already do!plus, who's gonna motivate us to get our 10,000 steps everyday?

[abcowboy]

Morning everyone, Bubba and I were up early this morning, I woke up at 5am, feeling rested and alert, quite a different me from a few short months ago! Being clear-headed everyday has also given me the chance to read and think on a more positive, serious note. And that was what I did with my extra time this morning.

AG, Pauly was right, don’t leave! This is the time you need support the most! And having hubby on board helping and supporting you will most definitely help. I also find it hard when I read about those who slip yet again. I think “why can’t they get it right” or “they really don’t want to quit”. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!! We all have been there, time and time again…. But we all found this site and these threads for a reason. Someone or something gave us the courage to see what we’d become, so we reached out for help….don’t stop reaching out… I think a lot of us get complacent in our attitudes and our thinking…whether that thinking is “why can’t they get it right” or “why can’t I get it right”. So, my sermon for the day….

Stepping onto the path of sobriety is the biggest decision that an alcoholic will ever make. We don’t choose recovery lightly; there is simply too much at stake. Active drinkers are in a position similar to that of an abused child: the child doesn’t dare leave home because it knows it can’t care for itself, and the drinker can’t imagine living without the booze that was at first their friend and support, but is now a demon that they don’t believe they can escape from.

To begin with, it seems to us that there is nowhere to go. Most of us tried quitting, but found that the compulsion to drink was too strong. Because our addictions occur in a portion of the brain that is unreachable by logic or willpower, our increasing realization that we needed to change our behavior didn’t help a whole lot. We didn’t know how to remain abstinent, and we didn’t know how to fit in with sober people. Although we wanted to stop, drinking seemed dependable. In a way, it was a safe place for us. It was familiar. We knew how to be alcoholics, and the idea of changing who we were was frightening. It meant going through the discomfort of withdrawal (with which most of us were all too familiar), and facing the old fears and feelings that most likely contributed to our using booze to begin with. Giving up the known for the unknown was terrifying.

Then, in some way, our lives hit the fan and we ended up in a program of recovery. Folks told us that in order to remain sober we had to face the demons and unpleasantness that we we’d been running away from for so long. Most of us resisted, but we had three new things going for us. First of all, we had decided (sort of) to do something! That was a big step. Second, we had the support of people who understood us. Instead of people telling us what we had to do, or what we should do, we had folks who had been where we had been, done what we had done, and who told us what had worked for them. They were willing to offer suggestions about things that might help us. The third thing was hope. We looked at all those people, living lives that we could only dream about, and we began to believe that what they had done to get sober might work for us too. That was the beginning of our willingness to do the necessary work. As we began, and as we moved forward, we started to feel better. The farther we progressed, and the more honestly we worked, the better things got. And so it went.

We don’t have to be convinced in order to work a program of recovery. All we need is hope, and the willingness to try, one day at a time.

[Ginger999]

Great post as always, ABC! Listen to this man, he's full of wisdom about this topic.

Quiet day around my parts of the world. Supposed to be hot so may head to the mountains!

Stay close. Read/Post/Read!

[paulywogg]

Cowboy, excellent post,I wasn't trying to be judgmental at all,I think I've just had a lot going on and not feeling secure in my quit right then,reading of slips just shook me,but cripes I've been there!and I have been supported along the way and each time I've drank I've learned something by reading everybody's input,I agree that slippers actually need to be engaged here MORE,not F-them I'm drinkin!so why bother, I've had that attitude before, I'd stray,be in my drunkin abyss,ignore MWO,but then I'd log on and miss how I felt being sober,miss my friends here,and read something that gave me a hand back out of the quicksand I was in,eventually if sobriety is what we want something is gonna stick

[BeachGirly]

hi gang,

AG - please stick around. We are all here to help you - and believe it or not, it is very helpful for us as well. This helps us recall what a struggle it is and was for us. It gives us time to reflect and by offering advice and tips it helps all.

I have been down with a bug for the past 2 days. That makes me mad - because I have been eating so well, taking my vitimains, doing so well. But this bug has cleared out half of my department - so I guess there is only so much healthy eating and living can do right? Lots of rest for me this weekend.

No excitement in my life except my grade 9 sons final exams. We have a lot of studying to do this weekend. He has some issues with organization, getting started etc. It is called Executive functioning. It is really very frustrating for a super organized type A mother to deal with... but I try.

So wish me well !!!