Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[blue1]

Nora- I just started a new thread in long term moderators.....we'll see what happens.....thanks!

[All done drinking]

blue1

When I came here in 07 I wasn't ready to quit either. I even have a hard time "saying" I'm alcoholic now at times because my vision of an alcoholic and who I am are totally different. I am not the bum on the street with a brown bag who has lost everything. I am a Master's educated professional who is a functioning alcoholic. I didn't miss work because of drinking (but I have to admit I have gone in with a hangover). I haven't gotten in trouble with the law or had a DUI (but I just never got caught). I didn't drink daily and I didn't drink a lot (usually "moderated to 4 glasses a week). So when I came here, I was drawn to the site because Roberta's book gave hope to problem drinkers that moderation was possible. I honestly thought it was a board of all moderators until I got out of the moderation section and realized in general discussion and elsewhere that most people were trying to abstain. Many, many had tried to moderate, realized they couldn't and came here.

I did realize early on that to talk about drinking meant I should stick to the mod board. If people are struggling to quit and (from experience now, it is hard to hear of other's drinking), they don't usually search out the moderation section but stick close to the abstinent only threads. As a moderator who "got that" I really tried to educate newbies who talked about their drinking and trying to curb their drinking to only discuss it on the moderation threads. I do have to say that we never had the support over there like a person gets over here. For one, people moderating don't have to work as hard (in some ways) as those working hard to stay sober. So, there wasn't the same closeness going on that goes on over here. One reason for that is moderators generally didn't have to post daily so that bond just didn't get quite as strong. Honestly, since quitting, I have posted here numerous times a day but I'm only on day 21 of my quit. I am sure that will eventually lighten up. The mod section needs a strong moderator so maybe you could become that person and help other newbies who feel the need to give moderation a try first.

I will give you an example of who I believe can moderate. A young 20 something girl (in the party phase) gets a DUI and the law sends her to AA. She hates the rigidity of AA and feels she is not really an alcoholic but just parties too much. She most likely will outgrow her party phase when she grows up a little and with the support of a good mod board may do really well to cut down her drinking. Or a bored stay at home mom finds herself having too many lunch dates with GF's where wine is served. She may catch herself as having developed a bad habit and be able to curtail and change this habit with the structure and help of a good mod board.

Where I fooled myself was I didn't drink a lot, but what would happen when I drank too much is where I would get into trouble. And I NEVER knew when I could control my drinking and when I couldn't. As I term it, the shut off valve just didn't work. I used to call it the Vampire effect. Like tasting blood, sometimes I just needed more and I couldn't stop. The amount didn't matter, the few times a month I got drunk (usually only once) didn't let me off the hook...because it was what happened when I got drunk that mattered. Also (this is major) the loss of control I experienced at times. So, I have thrown in the towel but am grateful that the site allowed me to believe I could moderate for as long as I needed to believe it. Really, no-one can make us quit. You will either get this under control, or with time realize that quitting may be the best thing for you, but only you can decide. I do think this particular thread is pretty open and welcoming to you but to really post freely about drinking, the mod area is the best place to be IMHO.

Hugs to you, :hug:
Addy:love:

[blue1]

Thanks Addy......

[briseus]

Hey everyone...Day 2 for me here fully AF. Even though I barely drank the few days before that.
What scared me was me sitting there thinking I literally could lose everything. And my credibility too. I felt like girl who cried wolf, if that makes sense. But the addiction is incredibly tough to fight sometimes. Especially when life has got you down in the dumps. I am ready for it though. Especially after going to emerge yesterday with chest pains. I'm 29! What the heck? Tests for heart attack and a pulmonary embolism...really??
Anyways, here's to some sleepy time tea tonight and a bubble bath with a good book.

Hang in there Blue. You can do this. Why don't you start your own thread and people might just pop in. Make it like a journal. And in your subject say something like you're not sure yet about quitting. People who will want to read it, will.
I am always here if you want to chat. I struggled back and fourth for a while now. Almost 5 years. With a mostly AF 2014. But slipped up.

We don't have to hit rock bottom to realize that alcohol shouldn't be a part of our lives.
I don't think we would want to hit rock bottom.
Let the self loathing and not feeling in control be your bottom. Not a job loss, accident, DUI or anything else. Alcohol shouldn't be allowed to decide what YOU should lose for IT.

And we can't beat ourselves up. We will give one another tough love. But everyone has their own story and their own journey.
Your quit will be there when you're ready for it.

But sometimes it's best to grab the bull by the horns. Change scares the crap out of us, right??
But oftentimes, it's a good thing.

[Knitty]

I haven't checked in for a few days, but I had a good week. Got started on my long list of things to do around the house/garden, but I went a bit overboard and used muscles that have not been used in a long time, also got bitten by mosquitoes all over (just realized I'm color coordinated today as my pink t-shirt matches the bites ). It gave me a great workout though and a sense of achievement. Would never have done all that while drinking each evening which made me depressed and lazy. Chilling out a bit today, just shopping and cooking, so will resume the busy work tomorrow.

OH, I'm so sorry you have been struggling. It sounds like you are feeling a bit better now though…baking muffins for your neighbors is a lovely idea. I know well the paralyzing effects of depression. Nowadays, I have been trying to sit outside in the sunshine with a cup of coffee each morning and it has been making me feel really good… like the sun/universe is giving me a big hug, and then I walk my dog with a smile on my face. This is very different to how I was 5 weeks ago. I'm realizing more and more that I need "me" time, just simple things, quiet time with nature, to stay happy. Just mentioning it in case something similar it might help you.

Lizann, I hope you did okay last night. Hubby going out for drinks is tough and I can relate to that.

Blue, well done for starting a new thread. Hope you're feeling better today.

Daisy, happy belated birthday. Sounds like you've been busy and had a lovely week.

Minstar, you can do it. JackieM once advised me to "play it forward" and that is something that I think about when AL thoughts creep in, and then I drink a ton of water which seems to help me a lot too.

Bri, I hope you are feeling better. What a scare! Please take care of yourself.

Hope everyone else is having a good week.

[Lizann]

Blue, I understand how you are feeling. Not much more I can add to what's already been said. Please stay and chat with us. I will try and find your thread and pop over to keep you company.
For what it's worth, the people on this thread and the steppers thread have been a tremendous help to me. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them:love: it took me awhile to find my place here.

[blue1]

Thanks Knitty!

Yea....I feel better today.

Hi everybody!

Have a successful day guys!!!

[blue1]

Hope to see you over there sometime Liz!:thanks:

[open halo]

blue1

Where I fooled myself was I didn't drink a lot, but what would happen when I drank too much is where I would get into trouble. And I NEVER knew when I could control my drinking and when I couldn't. As I term it, the shut off valve just didn't work. I used to call it the Vampire effect. Like tasting blood, sometimes I just needed more and I couldn't stop. et me off the hook...because it was what happened when I got drunk that mattered. Addy:love:

Thankyou so much for this, this explains what has been happening to me to a T when I have tried to moderate, and why for so many of us it doesn't work.

Blue, we are always here for you, don't feel down, this is a constant struggle to find a way to make it work and we are all different. There is no judgement from me. I will stop by your new thread as well!

[blue1]

Thankyou so much for this, this explains what has been happening to me to a T when I have tried to moderate, and why for so many of us it doesn't work.

Blue, we are always here for you, don't feel down, this is a constant struggle to find a way to make it work and we are all different. There is no judgement from me. I will stop by your new thread as well!

Thanks OH!

See you over there!☺

[Lizann]

Just a quick check in. Busy but good day. I'm fine, but headed to bed.

[actiongirl46]

Hi all! I had a chance to read back a bit this morning, lots going on as usual! I'm so glad to be back in the land of high speed internet. For those that don't know me, I'm another "start and stopper". I've been here since December 2014 when I had a very ugly scare where I passed out on my kitchen floor after a neighborhood holiday party across the street (probably no one else even got drunk, not one of those parties, except for me, of course). To make matters even worse, my 13 year old son couldn't wake me up and was very upset, and proceeded to go back to the neighbors house to get my husband. Horror. Shame. Guilt. Remorse. My husband was furious and my rock solid 16 year marriage felt shaky. One would think that would be my rock bottom, but no . . . . what an idiot I've been. Or, what an addict I am.

We've been in Alaska since early July so that is why I've been quiet. Internet is spotty and my time was super busy with friends and family. Yes, drinking was a part of why I stayed quiet too. I have been playing with fire and so far have just been lucky.

I'm writing all this for those I haven't met AND for myself. 8/8/15 sounds like a great quit date!! I want my life back. I am sick and tired of being on the merry-go-round that starts up every day at 5pm. I also DO NOT want a worse rock bottom such as divorce or DUI or horror of horrors, losing my children. My family is everything to me and I am the one putting them in jeopardy, no one else. Why do I do this to those I love the most? Its crazy. I would never do that if I wasn't in the grips of something horrible. Its time for it to go. Now.

For those of you further along in the journey, remember how awful Day 1 is!! You do not want to go back here. The self-loathing is almost unbearable. Six days is my longest AF stretch which is pathetic. I need to do this.

Ok, enough. I am making myself cry from reading my own words. Yikes. Thanks for reading this ramble. Have a great AF day!!!

P.S. Get your 10,000 steps in!!

[NoSugar]

Hi, AG

It sounds boring, but a plan really helps. What is yours for 5 pm today?

I lived on MWO in the early days but I also promised myself that if I was tempted, I would post first and let an online support group have a fighting chance to work - we can only help you if you let us.

Have a great 8/8!

All the best, NS

[All done drinking]

We are alike in many ways

actiongirl46,

If you read my first post here under (All done drinking) you will see that you and I are a lot alike. I too made a complete fool of myself at a birthday party and still turned around and told hubby a day later I would control my drinking to only 2 the next time I drank. Those next 2 drinks became a bottle of wine and gin and tonic hidden in a coffee cup. That was a new low for me and the next day I decided to quit being delusional.

abcowboy and I started a thread for those folks who aren't on the ledge of "should I quit, shouldn't I?" entiltled "Dedicated to the quit I love." We are focusing on sharing stories of our recovery process and tips and tricks to stay strong in it. Not so much personal sharing of our lives but heavy duty (this is what I am doing to try to be successful in this journey of finally deciding to quit playing Russian roulette). Join us over there too, everyone is welcome. Even for those still trying to cut down, there may be a pearl of wisdom or two that helps with harm reduction for them.

Welcome back. My quit date is 9/16/15 so I am a newbie at quitting as well. I have been here at MWO for 7 years trying to moderate and finally decided that just wasn't working for me when I was really honest with myself. One of my new sayings now is "I made a million vows to control my drinking, I made only one vow to quit." With that being said...

...my name is Addy and I am simply (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:


Welcome homeactiongirl46.:welcome:

[briseus]

Day 4 for me today and struggling since it's Saturday and a friend my partner and I haven't seen in a long while is coming to visit.
We have no alcohol here but am dreading that the friend will bring some. Not because I will drink but more so that my resolve will become shaky. That on its own bothers me.
I won't drink today or tonight but I guess I am just in an irritated mood right now.