Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[Lizann]

Hey all. Ginger, is your mom at home yet? I'm glad to hear she is getting stronger. Thanks for the pep talk on not drinking. Sadly missing a glass of wine today.
Went to church then took the kids to lunch. French onion soup was perfect for a cold snowy day.so done with the weather. Maybe that's why I'm feeling down today.
Going to try to get on that treadmill in a bit. Maybe that will help my mood. Wanted to go see a movie but I think it's best to just stay home. How many more days till spring?

[abcowboy]

20 days till calendar spring Liz, but the calendar is always right lol

[open halo]

It's the blah days of winter, coldest Feb here ever! I'm with you Lizann, treadmill sounds good, getting a sweat on helps me keep AL at bay. Sounds like everyone is doing well, lazy days are good pauly, haven't had one in awhile and desperately want one!
That's great your mom is improving Ginger, hope you keep seeing improvements.

Beachygirl, cowboy sending you warm wishes.
Had lasagna and kale salad for dinner, followed by a big bowl of popcorn with a fire. Sometimes it is just about the small things.

[BeachGirly]

HI,
Just home from work - It was a good day, not too busy.

Something struck me over the last few days. I was thinking how I had had a relatively easy quit, compared to others I have seen. The acceptance came early, and I have not struggled much. I am actually a bit worried that I can become complacent because I am just coasting along.

Then I am flipping through some notes I had written for a councilor I saw when I was deciding to quit. She had me keep a journal/ log of my drinking for a week. Reading over that I see I really did struggle with getting to that first day. I tried to moderate, I tried to substitute other drinks, exercise, change habit etc. My self-esteem was in the tank.

Ends up I had joined MWO in October, after buying the book the second time (2 yrs prior). I still did not quit until early Dec.

So, I need to remember what a hard time it was getting to day 1. I never want to have to do that again. AND I WONT.

I have decided to keep that journal, to read back on anytime I get a bit carefree in my thinking. When I did decide it was time to quit completely – then it was “easy”.

[JACQRABBIT]

Hello all.
I was here last week pledging to start again this week.
I came back because I had my parents 50th wedding anniversary on the weekend and recognised that whilst I was excited for the event (and it was huge) I was also terrified.
Terrified that I would be loud, say something inappropriate, upset or offend someone, embarrass myself, my husband, my family. And just plain have a 'hoot' of a time and not be able to remember anything after the 1st hour.
This made we look hard at myself and admit that I was out of control, thus the decision to return. I had previously been 3 months AL free when my stupid AL brain convinced me that I could moderate and drink like normal people. ha!!
Needless to say that didn't go well. But I chose to ignore the fact that I was knocking back a bottle of Vino pretty much every night,
I kinda figured that I would start from today and 'enjoy' Saturday evening in the usual way, pissed, loud and don't care.
Not sure what happened but I didn't.
I avoided the wine (and it was good wine) all night. I had 2 glasses of G & T over 5 hours and even told my husband to have a couple (he is a normal drinker) as I would drive home.
So Saturday night was very different to the one I had planned, which leads me to another dilemma.
I had a good night but not great, I didn't drink but I also didn't dance, I didn't sing, I didn't have a 'wow' of a time.
In fact many people who know me well told my husband off as they thought he had made the decision for me to drive.
They wanted me to have a drink and kick back, I'm usually the fun 'party gal' life of the party and I was boring.
One one hand I am delighted that I was able to stay sober on such an occasion but the other hand is resentful that I didn't have a fun night.
BTW, also posted this on 'The Nest' sorry for doubling up but I noticed that it is generally a whole different group of people in each site and figured that twice the support couldn't hurt.
Maybe I should post it to facebook so that friends understand and stop beating up the husband for 'leashing' me..

[Lizann]

Jacq, at least you remember last night! I happen to have more fun when I drink too, but I just go to far. I guess I just need to learn how to enjoy myself without the al.

Beachygirl I'm glad that acceptance and this quit was easier. I am not there yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I certainly hope so. I am just not drinking! One day at a time. Trying to have an attitude of gratitude rather than deprivation.

[Chief]

Hi everyone! Thought I better check in. I'm sorry I don't post everyday but I work 10 hours a day Mon-Thurs and pick up overtime on Friday and Saturday if it's available. I can't do anything outside because of the cold and snow and I love my job so I may as well work. By the time I get home at 6:30, get a shower, a bite to eat, read the paper and watch a little tv, I'm ready for bed by 9:00 because I get up at 4:30. I know it sounds like a boring life but I'm happy. I use to spend 10 hours a day drinking! I am so glad that life is gone. What a waste.....

Ginger....CONGRATS on 300 days!!! I'm very proud of you. And Pauly......30 days is great! You're getting use to not drinking and it will only get better. The longer you go the more normal it feels. Not drinking IS normal. Drinking is not. We just get to the point where we think it is. Ingesting a drug that alters our mind and decision making is far from normal, yet when we first quit we can feel like something is wrong....but it's just the opposite. We're just not use to being "normal". I feel SO much better now. I think clearer, look better, feel better, have a better outlook on life.....it's just a whole different way of living. I want everyone who is quitting to get to the point where you feel like this and realize how great of a thing it is to be done with it.

Enjoy your AFness everyone. Don't let the winter blues get you down. It's March 1st! Spring is on it's way!!!!!


Don

[Ginger999]

Hi Jacq, Glad you came back and shared your experience. In the beginning of my quit I felt the same way you do about not being fun anymore. The gatherings we attended always included a TON of wine and anything else that you might want. It was really hard in the beginning to feel like I fit in any more. Then I realized, I didn't want to fit in any more if that meant drinking too much, not remembering things that I did and said and feeling like crap the next morning. Oh and the self loathing the next day. I can't forget that. Standing in front of the mirror and being disgusted with the person looking at me. You will learn a new way to have fun at the functions. It just takes time to get to know the real Jacq again. Hang in there. If quiting is what you want, you will get there!

Hanging in there with Mom. She will probably be in the rehab facility the full 100 days allowed by Medicare and her private insurance. The longer she stays and the stronger she gets the more likely she can return to her own home where she wants to be. It's a long recovery but I'm finding my place in all this and feeling like my being here with her is helping. Thanks everyone for keeping us in your thoughts.

[Orimus]

GMAE all. Just checking in. Friday nearly lost all the protection for 12k users then had to go on a conference call with upper management about why I should take on 10k more. Bad week for my team as a fellow team member made a 30k mistake so mine .....we both could've lost our jobs and me .... my team just asked if I fixed it. Missed my friend's manicotti.

[JACQRABBIT]

Thanks Ginger.
I do relate to the self loathing, it's a horrible feeling to be disgusted with yourself.
I must admit watching a few of the women toward the end of the night was quite a turn off.
Many of them could barely talk or walk and One lady kept hitting on my husband which was a bit strange.
Maybe she thought I looked so miserable that he must have needed cheering up :exclaim:

[Chief]

I remember looking in the mirror every morning and hating it. Eyes were red and had a yellow tint, bags and dark circles under my eyes, flushed complexion......I use to carry a bottle of Visine in my pocket all the time. Sound familiar to anyone? Now that's all gone. And all I had to do was one thing. ......stop drinking.

[paulywogg]

Hello friends, beautiful post Chief ah,visine I never used it before cuz I hate putting stuff in my eyes,but when the binges started getting worse I had to use it! I took a selfie on my last drinking day,you guys wouldn't even believe it was me,puffy face, scraggly hair, dry but greasy skin, chapped lips, eyes so bloated I looked like I got sucker punched in both and a look of sadness I'll keep that pic in my gallery forever as a reminder when a few( haha yeah right) sounds good, Jacq,I'm so super proud of you every time I've decided I was gonna have one more blowout before quitting I always drank so much that it was impossible to quit the next day!you took it easy and it'll only make this quit easier, and you'll be the life of the party again trust me, sometimes I'm so goofy people just assume I'm drinking, Ginger, glad mom is on the mend Liz,I'm proud of you too honey, gratitude has got to be our state of mind, no deprived feelings, unless you call throwing up, dizziness, making an ass out of ourselves, shakiness,and a headache deprivation? Hello to OH( how's your sleep?) Beachy,Cowboy and SS,where you at ???? Let's kick Mondays ass

[Lizann]

Thanks for a lovely post Pauly! It's a good swift kick in the butt I need. Don't miss the aftermath of al at all. I too, carry visine with me. You know it's bad, when that doesn't even help!
Ahh Monday. Rough night for me last night. The dog had me up three times. She didn't eat her breakfast so I think she may have an upset tummy. Lucy, always eats!!! In between getting up with Lucy, I had nightmares! Ugh, watched Zero Dark Thirty right before bed. Probably not a good idea. Anyways, tonight will be a better night.
Food shopping and laundry on the agenda today. Perhaps an espresso to get me moving.
Have a good day, check back in later.

[Ginger999]

I had a drinking dream last night. I was at a party and drank a couple of glasses of wine. I didn't feel loopy at all in the dream. What I did feel was that awful self-loathing that I was talking about in my last post. I was so terribly dissapointed in myself for slipping and losing my quit days. How hard I worked to get those first 30 days behind me and now I had to start over. I had to start dealing with cravings and headaches, etc.... Yes all this was in my dream! Then I woke up....it took me a few minutes to process that all those feelings were just a dream and that I was still a non-drinker. I felt such a relief, I can't even explain it. Whew!!

If you are out there trying like hell to quit, if you are out there lurking and thinking about quiting, if you've quit but feel weak, please stay close and know that we are here to support you in this. I want you to have what I've found here. Stay close and read, post, read....

Off site appointment for Mom today. I better get going....

[JACQRABBIT]

Morning all.
Day 3 and you are spot on Pauly, eyes are clear, head is clear.
Funny thing is I still keep having that nagging panic feeling that I stuffed up last night.
So I am finding myself trying to remember something that's not there.
Big breath of relief, this time there really is nothing to remember