Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[Lizann]

OH. Thanks for the suggestion. Yes I have shared about MWO, they seem to think it's not enough. I think they think an AA type program is "the magic fix". What they don't seem to understand is,is that it has to me that wants to change.

[abcowboy]

Liz, I might be the wrong one to ask about AA lol. I did go, every week, for over a year. Did it work for me? I don't know.. But I got tired of hearing everyone say how grateful they were for the "program" and if it wasn't for the "program" they would still be a drunk. And if you don't believe in or work the 12 Steps, then you are bound to fail. Well guess what, the 12 Steps are nothing more than living your life the way God (your Higher Power, the Creator, etc.) expects you to live it. If you follow the 10 Commandments, you are working the "program". What it boils down to, in my opinion, is the belief that God will help you with your addiction if you ask Him and accept Him! If we are Christians or believers or whatever you want to call it, we should already have that faith in God. I do read the AA Daily Reflection every morning and it reaffirms my belief that God is helping me every day.

This is now going to sound a bit crazy, coming from a smoking, swearing, not too bright of a redneck, but something happened to me that hospital night a couple of months ago, and I can only attribute it to God. When I thought how close I came to dying with alcohol poisoning, I was ashamed, more ashamed than I have ever been in my life. I actually thought of it as suicide, literally drinking myself to death! That wasn't my thoughts as I was drinking, but it was the revelation I had at 5am that morning. I truly believe that God somehow spoke to me that night. As crazy as it sounds, that's the only way I can describe it. And somehow I know that this quit will be my last. And the God's honest truth, I haven't been tempted by AL since. I even find it hard to believe, but I am thankful every morning, and I thank God through prayer every day.

That all being said, I know that what happened to me won't happen to everyone, I wish it could, but I know it won't. So what is left, MWO, other online recovery forums, AA, other recovery based programs, rehab, counselling, and the list goes on... But, I would definitely attend an alcohol abuse support group if there was one available to me. Not an AA style of meeting, but one where people get together to share how they are getting through each day. Not go there to talk about how hard it is to stay sober, but to share the reasons why staying sober is so much better.

Now that I've rambled on and on without making any sense at all, the bottom line is exactly what you said, they can't want it for you, they can wish it for you, but you have to want it for yourself. I remember going to my first meeting, how scared and humiliated I was, that lasted all of 10 minutes! They were people who shared the same struggles I did, did all of the horrible things I did and said. I just don't quite see how their "program" can help me anymore than my belief in God. The bottom line, go to the meeting, it may or may not be for you, but anything we can add to our quit toolbox is worth the risk I reckon...

[Lizann]

Thank you cowboy! I was praying god would open a door for me in this road to recovery yesterday morning. My daughter who doesn't usually stop by on a Monday came by and told me about this. Coincidence, I think not.

[paulywogg]

Excellent post Cowboy yes at AA they're very into the blue book and working the stepsand believe as you said that if a person doesn't work those steps they're doomed,I only go to be around other alcoholics and hear stories, take what I can and apply it to me,I do think we need a GOD in our lives, some people don't believe in that but I do and always have allergies/cold is better so I took a walk this morning, feels good to be back to "normal' haha,love to all,let's have a good Tuesday

[Lizann]

So like, I don't have to participate initially? I can just listen? Thanks Pauly and cowboy. I'm feeling a little better about this already.

[paulywogg]

Liz,when I go to AA I just listen not saying anything, plus you can leave to smoke or use the bathroom whenever, I kinda hate when people do that though, it's distracting and I think if a person is at a meeting they should focus on the meeting ya know? Let us know how it goes

[Lizann]

So I'm back from the meeting. Hubby insisted on coming along. The people there were really nice. One guy came up to me afterward, while hubby was in the bathroom, he was very encouraging and is appreciated that. I am hoping hubby will let me go alone next week. Kinda doubt it though.
Ok so now that I have consumed the topic for the last 24 hours, how is everyone else?

[BeachGirly]

Oh Liz, good for you... I have never gone, so cannot add to the conversation. I hope you find it is what you need. We are here for you all the way!

I had a busy day. I was in a conference for work. I worked until 1030 last eve and had to be up at 5 to get to this meeting...I know I will be in bed early. There is no way I could have done that a few months ago!!!

Hey Pauly- great to see you. How are you feeling? Over that stupid cold finally hey?
Cowboy - great post and reflections. Thx
Ginger - How you holding up? Long days I bet. Mom any happier today?
OH - are you back in the groove after your holiday? Hard to come back isn’t it?
Chief - I bet you are out climbing some back road mountain trail aren’t you?


Have a nice evening all!

BG

[open halo]

Hope everyone is having a great week! Pauly, Ginger, Beachygirl, Cowboy, Chief great reading over your posts, love the banter and hearing about how everyone is doing. A true reflection of what life is: full of special moments and difficult ones. And our mutual desire to make our lives the best they can be! :love:

Glad to hear the meeting when better than expected Liz, and I hope that you will be able to attend the meetings solo as well. It is not easy for those who have never had difficulties with AL to truly understand our addiction and difficulties with it, I know as much as my husband is supportive, he doesn't really "get it". And I find it hard to really share with him about my struggles, that is why this place is so great. I enjoyed going to the AA meetings and hearing the stories of others, it made me feel less alone and able to relate to other people. Unfortunately my schedule doesn't allow for this to be a regular thing. I hope you are able to make these meetings work for you, just another support system for you to kick AL to the curb! Wishing you the best!

Here's to a great Wednesday tomorrow. Sending hugs all around :hug:

[open halo]

On a side note, I know many are trying moderation and I wish them truly the best, that means you Sober Soul. Wishing you well and just so happy you started this thread.

Here was my recent dance with moderation: When I was away on vacation, with 3 months under my belt, and the sun, sand and surf all around me, I was thinking, "You know maybe I can just have a couple and be okay. I've been doing great and maybe I can just drink moderately. " So I decided to just give it a go, and guess what, after two drinks , I knew that it wasn't going to work. Because after those drinks, every part of my body and mind knew I didn't want two measly drinks , I wanted twenty , hell I wanted two hundred. And that is when I knew, I can't keep up this pattern any longer, because no matter how many AF days I have under my belt, whether it's 30 days or 300 or 3000, I am never going to just want to have "a" drink or "two". Never.

[BeachGirly]

OH - so glad you were able to see that and take charge. It could have gone the other way very easily. Stick close until you feel strong again.

Sure hope the sun and beach were rejuvinating for you...

as you probably guessed - I love the beach

[paulywogg]

Hello friends, OH,you are spot on, we'll never just want one or two EVER! Tried it, been there,when I first came to MWO I "moderated" hmm,weeknights I could sip half of a tall boy and be done for the night, the next night maybe the same, but by the weekend it was full blown 18-pack Jack! So no it doesn't work for me, one sip ignites a fire in me,I'm lucky to live in Vegas cuz they have meetings all day and one at midnight too,I think cuz there's so many shift workers here,took a long ass walk, now I'm tired haha, Liz,I'm so proud of you I think hubs should let you go alone sometimes though, it's kinda hard to open up when he's right there, however you are blessed to have such a supportive hubs Waz up Cowboy? Hey Beachy,how are you? Hey Chief, I wish Minstar wouldn't have left, maybe she's just busy with the babies, Wednesday already, let's make it a good one

[abcowboy]

Howdy all! To everyone, this thread is what support is all about!! No judging, no criticizing, because we've all been there! Just a group of reformed drunks who are trying their hardest to make their lives better, and helping others to do the same! I love you guys!

Liz, let your hubby read this post please...

Dear spouse, I know you want to help and support me on my journey to get sober. I know it is hard for you to understand what I am going through, and I don't need you to understand the what, I need you to understand the why. I am doing this so that I will one day be back to the person that I want to be, the person you fell in love with. And there will be times when I need to share my story with others like me, as they are the ones that really know what I'm going through. And yes, sometimes they are the only ones that I can say things to that I can't say to you right now, but with your patience, understanding, and love, the day will come when I share those secrets and fears with you... Thank you for being by my side and know that I love you.....

[Ginger999]

Hi all.... Just a quick HI! I'm trying to stay up with reading the posts but just too busy right now to post anything other than whining. Hope to be back soon! AF and happy about it!

[Lizann]

Cowboy, thank you! I will share this with him! Pauly, thank you too for understanding where I am coming from. Have I mentioned I love you guys?!!
Nothing new to report tonight. Things here seem "normal".