Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[paulywogg]

Have a fun trip Ginger,I'll be on the lookout for pics Jackie,your mom probably kept the headless doll for sentimental reasons I have tons of stuff like that,I look at the item and remember the kids at the age it was their fave I too was wondering about Bri? She tends to disappear Daisy and Min,at least you guys are here trying, don't wander off,was reading old threads yesterday and one was from someone who desperately wanted to go to detox but was too drunk to drive,didn't have a ride,one of the posters even offered to wire for a cab,posting went on for awhile then poof,she was gone,I always read those old threads and wonder where are they now? Alive and sober,still drinkin?dead?such a scary thing this is and how its such a thief,I hate alcohol!on a happier note I got a Kitten, I named her Melanie, I haven't had a cat in forever not since teenage years, wish me luck day off today gonna get some steps in, go to Kohl's,and maybe watch Louie if his dad has to work, hope everyone enjoys their day:

[SoberSoul]

Min Star and Daisy and the rest of you early ons, let's try to get this sobriety thing figured out together. Why does it work for some and not for others? What is 'THE WORK"?

We can always come back here if we relapse and that's a good thing but wouldn't it be great to just be here reporting our progress and helping others?

I know I go over the top sometimes in my enthusiasm and then fade away. I acknowledge that as my 'way'. I don't do anything half assed. When I start a serious sobriety quest I shout it from the rooftops and maybe that is not a good thing. Personally, I am completely different. No one in my family or my circle of friends knows I've quit again. They would just roll their eyes. (Thank God I can't see your eyes LOL).

Ginger enjoy you vacation and we know you will be here in spirit even if you can't be here with your helpful encouragement.

OK, nose to the grindstone!! It is a little creepy opening my lap top to see my toothy smiling face, glass of red in hand. It looks like a celebration of booze!! But I know it's a celebration of life and new beginnings.

[NoSugar]

. Why does it work for some and not for others? What is 'THE WORK"?

Good to see you back, SS. This piece isn't about alcohol per se but there are some interesting ideas discussed: http://www.npr.org/2012/12/28/168203...ons-that-stick.
All the best - NS

[JackieM]

SS-

Here are some things I consider to be part of the work: 1. Dealing with underlying issues that are causing addiction
2.Identifying triggers and coming up with a plan to combat triggers
3. Reaching out for help
4. Helping others
5. Practicing gratitude

If anyone would like to add to the list or elaborate on some of these points jump on in.

JackieM

[Ginger999]

Jackie, these are great and spot on. I think I'm mostly doing these things so I feel better. My step-dad is an alcoholic and quit for 10 years. He was more unbearable than ever! He was mean, grouchy, self absorbed. Just an ugly person just like when he drank. He finally started back up and has never stopped. He didn't do the work. I read somewhere that to be truly happy you have to be involved with things bigger than yourself. I think that's so true.

Question for all:

What are you involved with that is bigger than yourself?

[jane27]

Thank you Jackie! I'm relieved because I am doing these things. How in the world did you manage to not drink for 5 years without doing these things? Im going to go back an re read your earlier post in case I missed something. xoxo

[MinStar]

Hey all late check in!

Jackie- good ones:-) I thibk I can relate to them all. I used them apart from gratitude to. Great degree when I quit for a long time.


I feel like I could have written your post SoberSoul. Stick close friend- I think we can work this together- being accountable to each other. I am so like you- full on in anything I do. I realised a long time ago I can not have a few and moderate. I'm a total 'all or nothing' person and that's in all areas of my life. I've recently tried to be more mindful that I can not control or be perfect in everything and that's ok. I do have to be best at being mum wife etc so focus on those. I find it hard not to have things as I deem perfect.
Control and perfection are definitely something I feel I don't have in my life. This is something I need to work on- maybe part of the reason I drink too. ...hmmmm.


Ginger-
As for practicing gratitude for something bigger than myself- does raising two kids count?! I keep reminding myself to look at how great they are and how miraculous it is that I have them (we had a lot of problems). Gratitude that they are healthy and we have each other.

Right feed time. Night all. Xx

[Knitty]

SoberSoul, I'm glad you came back. I usually get so intimidated online but this place is amazing and, as you said, there are a lot of us in the early stages again so we can all support each other. Daisy, MinStar, TMH, I hope you're all doing well.

Jackie, thank you for that list. I need to work on them all.

Pauly, kittens are such fun! Good luck with Melanie. I have always had cats but the last 2 I acquired as adults (one adopted our family and the other belonged to my son who couldn't take him to his new place so we kept him) so I haven't had the benefit of the fun kitten stage for a while.

Ginger, hope you have a lovely time. I agree with what you said about being involved with something bigger than yourself - so important and I need to think about that.

Cleaning out closets was/is one of the many things I wanted to do after I quit drinking. I have some clothes that either don't fit or are really dated. I often give a small bag to the kidney fund but that is just last-minute scrambling to give them something and doesn't really dent anything. There are so many things that I should have done but haven't over the last few years.

The thing is, I haven't really done anything extra since I quit, except read MWO and other sites on vitamin therapy. I'm on day 10 AF today and I still feel exhausted most of the time, which I was not expecting at this stage, and keep dozing off while I'm supposed to be working at my computer so I'm behind in work and doing a horrible job. I used to have so much more energy, at least except for the few occasions when I was hungover. I'm drinking lots of water and eating well, but my insides are totally bunged up so perhaps that has something to do with my fatigue and blah mood. Started senna/Dulcolax so perhaps that will help. My body seems to be in shock from this change.

On a good note, I went to pick up my son last night from an early evening party and it felt wonderful, just like last time. Windows down, radio playing Billy Joel, etc, and I just felt so free being able to drive at night. It made me feel so grateful to be AF.

MinStar, you make a very good point. I have a terrible problem with perfectionism also, almost to the point that if I can't do something perfectly then I won't do it at all, also spending way too much time on something just to make it perfect, hate making mistakes. Then I turn around and tell my grown children that making mistakes is okay, it means you've tried and you can learn from your mistakes. I'm such a hypocrite. I do know what I'm supposed to do/think, I just don't. I could do with a time out to just sit and think about things that really matter. I have always just numbed all my feelings down in the past with red wine so all this "thinking" is new to me.

TMH and ABC, I too have had problems a few times with writing a post and then being automatically logged off - just couldn't face doing it again. This time I have been copying the text (Ctrl C) in the quick reply after each paragraph just in case. As usual, I got logged off automatically again, but I could log back on and I was able to paste it back okay. ABC, that is a good idea about posting into a Word document and cutting/pasting at the end and I think I will try that next as it will enable me to refer to previous posts at the same time.

Off to make dinner. Hope everyone has a good AF evening.

[SoberSoul]

Good to see you back, SS. This piece isn't about alcohol per se but there are some interesting ideas discussed: http://www.npr.org/2012/12/28/168203...ons-that-stick.
All the best - NS

Interesting read. I am printing some of it to keep in my files. Change is difficult ... we are creatures of habit.

[SoberSoul]

The perfectionist label really confuses me. I tend to start everything off gung ho but peter out quickly as I usually do with my sobriety runs. I join yoga, love it and stop going for no reason. I floss for a night or two then give up. I keep the house tidy and then let it all go downhill. I stop and start everything. That's where all the self criticism comes in. It's really a catch 22 because I can never win. The irony of it all is that all this is supposed to heal itself through 'self-acceptance' which means love yourself the way you are and on and on it goes. Accepting myself would be dangerous. Too many bad habits. So on and on I go.

Had a good booze free night. Hope you all did the same..

[abcowboy]

Evening everyone! I'm reading back and just amazed that you guys are starting to really support each other, meaningful discussion about what is needed to make this your last quit, now just keep doing it, keep the ball rolling, this is what you need to do! Share with each other, do the work together, get over to the Gratitude thread and post daily. Don't just quit drinking, that's just a symptom of our disease. The rest is what they call "the work". To me working it means to live each day being the best person I can be, don't let frustration turn to anger, don't let resentment turn to vengeance, and don't let tough times weaken your resolve.

My counsellor told me that my alcohol abuse wasn't my disease, it was just a symptom of my addiction. Addiction is a disease. It is a mental health disorder. It has nothing to do with one's level of intelligence. You did not drive your car into a ditch, you did not commit a felony, you did not neglect your children, you did not waste precious time, because you are stupid. You suffered bad consequences and interfered with others' lives because you have a disease that caused you to do so. Don't waste your time calling yourself stupid and beating yourself up. Instead, be thankful that today you are squarely facing your disease and doing the next right thing. Forgive yourself rather than denying that you have a disease. Calling yourself stupid only blocks your ability to recover. And remember that just because you have stopped drinking does not mean that you are healed. Drinking is a symptom of your disease and not the disease.

So now we've stopped drinking, but our disease has no cure. We have to live with it just like anyone else with an incurable disease. We've only gotten rid of one of the symptoms, the rest of our recovery depends on the work part, dealing with guilt, shame, humiliation, anger, resentment, all symptoms of our disease as well. When we start to deal with all those emotions effectively, instead of letting them rule us, we are doing our work...and this quit will then be the final quit....

Everyday I get involved with something bigger than myself, my renewed belief and faith in God. There are still many days when my emotional symptoms pop up, and I have to "let go and let God" It's amazing the strength you can get by just simply praying.... I know it works for me...

Have a great weekend everyone, no quitting on your quit eh! I know I won't, and you can take that to the bank...lol

[ToMyHealth]

Have I mentioned how great coffee tastes unhungover? So nice to look forward to a productive day.

SS, welcome back! We are very much alike. Am gungho about one thing or another whether it be exercise, diet, golf, AF....wherever my concentration is - that's where I'll do well. Right now happy to say in a pretty good place, trying to find that balance.

Keeping short as on Ipad so no Word, don't want to lose. Happy Saturday!

[MinStar]

Afternoon all!

Glad all the early quitters are in this together and supporting. The older quitters here to guide us. I do love this thread!

So busy morning. We have a family dinner with 20 odd folk coming to my mums. Added to that with the kids, I'm running around. So a fairly quick check in.


This perfectionism really does rear its ugly head doesn't it? I know I have a lot of 'stress' from all the JUNK my DH has in the house. Unfortunately, I moved in with him after marriage so the place is a total Batchelor pad and I have to fit in around his stuff, as do the kids.

I can not wait to move and be in a new home, which is our home and free from clutter.
I know this is just a state of mind- if I could just let it go and not sweat the small stuff- but it's who I am. Instead of battling with it like I've done-using red wine for years (and then gin), I'm trying to accept. That's part of who I am, what makes me,me and it's allowed. I spend too much time criticising and denying myself stuff- is it a wonder a glass of something was my 'treat'? I am worthy of treats like a cuppa coffee in the shops or a lunch out. Constantly worrying about spending and not being at work, or more specifically not contributing to the household income has to go. I work hard for the kids and my husband to ensure home is clean, food in cupboards, kids to school, clubs, groups , fed and washed, dinner on the table- endless! And it is hard bloody work! I am now 'allowing myself that dang hair cut or that dress...

I think accepting myself as who I am. Non judgemental, accepting I can do anything- I am now a mother but will one day go back to being a scientist or whatever. And to enjoy this- it's a change in mind and that takes a while to accomplish.

Just rambling thoughts to help my mind. Jump in all! :-)


Keep posting my dear friends x

[BeachGirly]

Short - heading out the door to work.

Right on Min - you are so deserving. You are creating a wonderful life for your children and husband. I am sure your husband would like you to take care of yourself and treat yourself.
But I totally get where you are - I know that feeling as well .it really is a mind set isn't it?

Hi Ss - love to see you - gung ho and perfect - that is what we love about you! Keep it up.

Hi to all my friends - nothing much to report but it is a wonderful day in the neighbourhood ��

[JackieM]

Hello Everyone-

Knitty-It takes a few weeks to feel better physically after giving up the sauce. Eating right, staying well hydrated, and getting a little exercise in helps. I also drink a lot of tea and take All-One every day. I promise you will start to feel better soon. Being grateful to be alcohol free will do wonders for your mind. I know how you feel about just being able to drive anytime you want. Alcohol free=freedom.

TMH-It is awesome to wake up unhungover and able to enjoy your coffee. I love knowing I can accomplish things all day long. It sure beats doing a couple things then sitting around like a slug the rest of the day.

Min-Ramble away with your thoughts! It is awesome to have a place where you can say anything and know everyone reading understands.

Cowboy-Thanks for your post. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself. I am grateful that I still have the chance to do that.

Pauly-Enjoy your new kitten!

OH, Daisy, BG, Bri, Mr. V, Ginger, Mama, OH, SS, Bandit and Liz-I hope you are all enjoying and unhung Saturday.

Let's all make this the quit that sticks!

JackieM