Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[Lizann]

Good morning. I will be staying close today. Feeling weepy and embarrassed. My son and I talked yesterday. He wants me to get "help". I don't think he gets it's gotta come from me.
Anyway time to quit sulking and pick myself up and do this, again.

[abcowboy]

Liz, you're right in saying it has to start with us, but maybe we don't give our children enough credit... I bet if you asked Mark, he was referring to rehab...

I had to edit this as I thought maybe it sounded a bit harsh. I didn't mean it to come across that I thought you needed rehab Liz, but with media events surrounding celebrities and rehab, I think the younger generation thinks it's the cure-all for addiction. I know a couple of members in my old AA home group who went through rehab, some of them more than once, and still couldn't stay quit.

I would like to ask you a question, one that maybe will get you thinking.... Why did you think that this time you'd be able to stop at 1 or 2 glasses of wine? Where did that thought come from? Time and time again we prove to ourselves that we can't stop like normal drinkers, and time and time again we have to keep trying to be normal, when deep down, we know we are alcoholics, nothing will change, we will never be cured.

We are all here for you Liz, learn from what happened, put it in your toolbox, start again with even more determination :hug:

[Rusty]

Hi Liz!:hug::love: I am sorry I wasn't here for you!! I truly apologize. I should have taken the time to post and I didn't. Oh, how I KNOW, I KNOW how you feel...the SHAME is the WORST feeling. I never thought it would go away. Do you know why you drank...were you celebrating Mark's homecoming or did you suddenly get anxious about something? Anyway, I so do NOT mean to pry....but when I'd drink after some sober time, I'd try to think of what set me off so I could be prepared the next time. Also, and this was a biggy for me....sometimes I THOUGHT I was craving AL when I was really just HUNGRY. Once I ate, I really was FINE...the "craving" went away. I think there were thousands of times when I drank because I thought the craving was too strong and it would be easier to just give in and drink, when I was just hungry. Liz, my family said the same thing...it had to come from me, and I knew that, but I wanted to moderate, and I really was not serious about quitting...I guess I hadn't reached my bottom yet. I wanted to moderate...the thought of quitting forever terrified me...it really did. It seems like you had more AF time this time around, though....am I right? ;-) HUGS HUGS HUGS

Nora-Congratulations on your 40+ AF Days:welldone: I always LOVED your post to Liz, sharing your experience.

Just so you two know...you add much joy to my life. You ALWAYS ask about how I am, where I'm traveling, etc. and I SO appreciate that!

ABC-Hello, fellow Canadian....even though I am American and was born in Wisconsin, I am half French Canadian, so I tend to think we are buds. ;-) You are right, I think, about Mark meaning that Liz should go to rehab. Or maybe Mark meant AA, which is what most people, and doctors, unfortunately know...because that's all they hear. It's not just the "younger" generation who thinks that way, it's people in their 70s, too, like my aunt, who has been sober 7 years, after going to rehab... and my sister-in-law and my former doctor, who claimed that rehab was "the MOST effective" way to beat addiction. Hell, my other aunt went to rehab THREE times (one stint was for 3 months) and she still died from alcoholism at 54.

Also, ABC, and I don't mean to knock AA, but that's what MOST treatment centers focus on-a 12-step approach...and on their websites, they say, "12-STEP." Well, a lot of people do NOT want an AA-based program and it really puts people off...I know it did for me. Maybe it works for you, but it doesn't for A LOT of people. I wish there were more conventional wisdom out there when it comes to addiction medication and alternative methods. I am delighted it works for you, and you add much value to MWO. Thank you for being here. :-)

[Lizann]

Yes, cowboy, that is what my son is thinking. He thinks that's the only way to fix this. I appreciate you input. I was reading on your other site, frankly "tough love" makes me want to pick up the bottle and not deal. Support, in my case is the way to go. Thanks for being here.

[JackieM]

Liz- One great thing about quitting for good is never having to feel that embarrassment again. Do you listen to the Bubble Hour? That is one tool I am using daily. I have learned something major from every Podcast I have listened to.

Nora- I think I secretly liked the thrill of sneaking alcohol in to the house. I wonder now if I was really fooling anyone...certainly not myself. Congratulations on your 40+days. I hope this quit is your last.

Rusty- I am a Cheesehead by birth. I moved out west 20+years ago but I am still a die-hard Packers fan.

I hope everyone has an awesome sober Saturday!

JackieM

[Rusty]

Dear, sweet Liz, we are on the same page! [QUOTE]I was reading on your other site, frankly "tough love" makes me want to pick up the bottle and not deal. Support, in my case is the way to go.

Yes, "tough" love made me drive to the liquor store.

[briseus]

Hey Everyone...
Thanks for everyones input and support over those coworkers of mine. I don't know what their deal is...but they really hurt my feelings yesterday! I felt like I was the loser in high school ostracized by the cool girls all over again. Feelings that I don't want to relive.
But I got home, talked with my partner...and felt a little better. Will not give them thought...I would talk to them, I usually am the kind of person who will confront you if I find that you are doing things like that to me or ones I care for behind my (their) backs...but...this is work too...and these ladies are a bit older then me, set in their ways...and for whatever reason, a tad vindictive...and I just don't want to cause any problems. I just want to go in, put my damn time in and collect my paycheck. I have enough of a hard time dealing with this freaking bullshit anxiety and ocd...I'm just trying to make my life as simple as possible....ha...what a crock. It's as complicated as it can get sometimes...

Liz...we are all here for you. I understand what you mean when you say that "tough love" drove you to drink. For me, it was half and half...some of the time it did quite literally drive me to drink, other times, I stepped back to try and put myself in the other persons situation....try to understand their own frustration...because that was the problem for them...they couldn't "get it"...they couldn't "understand" the addiction as much as they tried to because they weren't addicted...
We need to do this for ourselves...but sometimes, we gotta remember the ones around us too...because they deserve a bit better...ya know? Not saying that is what you are doing...that is what I was doing...I was never there for my puppies or for my partner...looking back, I feel awfully guilty...but it was my addiction too....
We are all here for you. Pick yourself back up! You did it before, you can do it again! I hope that today is going a bit better for you...even though you're dealing with all these shitty emotions...day 1s after drinking are always like that. Bleh!
Don't be too hard on yourself.
You slipped up, so what...you learn from it..and you never go back to square one...
This is a quote from an OCD site...that really has helped me to understand not only OCD...but our alcoholism...

Remember the saying, “A lapse is not a relapse.” This means that you never really go back to square one. To do that, you would have to forget everything you have learned up to that point, and that really isn’t possible. Also remember the sayings, “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat,” (F. Scott Fitzgerald) and as they say in AA, “You can always start your day over.”

Big hugs to you! <3 :hug:

PS. Edit...where is the "tough love" site people are referring to? I was just curious, would like to read it.

[Lizann]

Thanks Bri, yup picking myself back up and moving ahead.

[briseus]

Thanks Bri, yup picking myself back up and moving ahead.

You go girl.
How's your night going?
Maybe you should cuddle up on the couch with a tub o ice cream.
I would be doing that...but no ice cream! Lol. Maybe tomorrow.

[open halo]

Drat just lost a long post! Sending love and hugs to everyone over the long weekend. We are right with you Liz, moving forward to a great life, we deserve it!!

[abcowboy]

Hi everyone, just a quick flyby....

Liz, I knew you weren't one for the "kick in the arse" kind of support, that's why I try and get you to think in your own mind why you get a good stretch going then think you're okay to have one or two. There must be something that sets it off though, we just need to get that figured out :hug:

Rusty, you're just a mis-placed Canadian haha! I don't really buy into the AA "program" at all. To me the twelve steps is nothing more than living a daily Christian life, treat others like you want to be treated. I do get some wisdom from the AA Daily Reflections, not all of them mind you. But it matters not what gets and keeps you sober, as long as it does!

Bri, I think they are referring to my post about support in the "Dedicated to the quit we love" thread.

A tip of my hat to all, stay safe y'all!

[Lizann]

Yes cowboy, you are very insight full. Maybe a good swift kick in arse from you is what I need. I'm feeling better today. Bring it on please! Let's try something new!

[Lizann]

Posting even though it's quiet here. Preparing for a BBQ for tomorrow. It's my sons birthday is Tuesday and we are doing the family thing. It felt good to be busy, but I'm still unhappy. Hubby is going to the neighbors for some whiskey and guy time. I said nothing.
Thanks again for the support guys, it means a lot.

[abcowboy]

Liz, in recovery, our journey can be lonely, we can feel like outsiders, even outcasts, social misfits....that's why we have each other, brothers and sisters in recovery, so that we don't have to feel this way. Almost into my final quit 8 months now and my whole way of thinking about alcohol has changed! So hubby went for whiskey and men's time, just ask yourself why they need whisky to enjoy their time together? What does whiskey do to make that time any better? It does only one thing, bolster ego's, and that's something everyone can do without! I now look at my life, drinking a cold Coke or Blood Orange SanPel and enjoying the social activity along with everyone else! I'm only an outcast if I allow myself to be..... :hug:

I had to edit this as just after I posted it Bubba read one of her daily Biblical quotes, it goes like this..

"God changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds, using time and pressure. He's working on you too."

You have the time Liz, maybe we just need to apply the pressure :hug:

[Lizann]

Again, cowboy you are so insightful. If I might say, please don't be offended, In my humble opinion. God has put you here for a purpose and although I know you struggled I thank him for that. Thanks for being here.