Peppersnow helped me recently and asked if I would return the favor and, when I got to this point, post what it feels like to get past day 61 since neither of us had been there before. Pepper – I am on day 63 now and it is great! I am definitely stronger. I love waking up clear. My eyes look clear. My head is clear. I am not tired at work. I don’t eat junky food on my way to work to try to soak up the alcohol so I will feel better. I don’t stop for a drink on my way home from work because I can’t wait to get home before I have a drink. I don’t wonder and worry about who saw me going in or out of the liquor store on any given day. I don’t worry that my kids will find my little bottle of wine in my purse. I don’t have to hide my wine glass from my daughter and her friends when they are over. I am saving tons of money! My body is healthier and I am happier.
I have to admit that over the weekend when I hit day 60 and 61 it was pretty tough because I was socializing with a lot of drinkers. I logged on here and managed to get through it. But in general, not drinking is really starting to feel normal. It is so strange to me I can hardly believe that I am not constantly thinking about having a drink. It rarely crosses my mind now. At this point that little voice is only coming around in stressful or social situations. Luckily so far, those situations haven’t happened much. I now look forward to a nice cup of tea when I get home from work, instead of heading straight for the wine after walking in the door. I have been on MWO since 2008. Early on, I wanted to try to moderate. Whenever I have quit over the past few years it has been for a defined time frame (first time 30 days; second time 45 days during lent a couple of years ago) after which I would try moderating. That was my goal and I never thought I couldn’t moderate. Turns out, I couldn’t. (big surprise).
The difference for me this time is that I have not set any time frame for this – this time I have not told myself that after x days I will allow myself to drink again. That door is not open. I still have not said that I will never drink again, I am taking it one day at a time – but at this point I do not believe I can change my drinking habits and I know that if I drink again I will wind up right where I started. So I’m not going to do that! I don't drink anymore! (that is one thing I need to get used to saying). I do wonder when things will change and I will just be comfortable saying "I don't drink" - and know that this is truly the new me. I'll keep you posted on how my mindset changes over time - I'd love to hear other's experience with that. Byrdie told me that she believes the key is acceptance and I definitely think that is right. I am still working on that but I am way closer now than I have ever been!
At this point I’m looking forward to hearing from Kairos when she returns from her trek – we are only a day apart and she was very supportive of me early on. So that will be around 80-90 days I think. After that, I’m looking forward to getting past 100 days, a year – more!
I know that I’m not missing anything and when I tell myself ‘if only one why not none’ or ‘if only today why not never’ that really helps me realize that AL won’t do anything for me.
Stay strong everyone - this place is incredible and I know I would not be here AF at day 63 without MWO and all the fantastic support!
I have to admit that over the weekend when I hit day 60 and 61 it was pretty tough because I was socializing with a lot of drinkers. I logged on here and managed to get through it. But in general, not drinking is really starting to feel normal. It is so strange to me I can hardly believe that I am not constantly thinking about having a drink. It rarely crosses my mind now. At this point that little voice is only coming around in stressful or social situations. Luckily so far, those situations haven’t happened much. I now look forward to a nice cup of tea when I get home from work, instead of heading straight for the wine after walking in the door. I have been on MWO since 2008. Early on, I wanted to try to moderate. Whenever I have quit over the past few years it has been for a defined time frame (first time 30 days; second time 45 days during lent a couple of years ago) after which I would try moderating. That was my goal and I never thought I couldn’t moderate. Turns out, I couldn’t. (big surprise).
The difference for me this time is that I have not set any time frame for this – this time I have not told myself that after x days I will allow myself to drink again. That door is not open. I still have not said that I will never drink again, I am taking it one day at a time – but at this point I do not believe I can change my drinking habits and I know that if I drink again I will wind up right where I started. So I’m not going to do that! I don't drink anymore! (that is one thing I need to get used to saying). I do wonder when things will change and I will just be comfortable saying "I don't drink" - and know that this is truly the new me. I'll keep you posted on how my mindset changes over time - I'd love to hear other's experience with that. Byrdie told me that she believes the key is acceptance and I definitely think that is right. I am still working on that but I am way closer now than I have ever been!
At this point I’m looking forward to hearing from Kairos when she returns from her trek – we are only a day apart and she was very supportive of me early on. So that will be around 80-90 days I think. After that, I’m looking forward to getting past 100 days, a year – more!
I know that I’m not missing anything and when I tell myself ‘if only one why not none’ or ‘if only today why not never’ that really helps me realize that AL won’t do anything for me.
Stay strong everyone - this place is incredible and I know I would not be here AF at day 63 without MWO and all the fantastic support!
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