Sober Mayites- Assemble!

[NoSugar]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Hi, SBL

I've probably shoved Brene Brown down your throat already but I have found her earlier work so helpful, I keep bringing it up: I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough": Brene Brown: 9781592403356: Amazon.com: Books.

[spiritwolf333]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

skullbabyland;1657924 wrote: Yeah, Spirit, it can be challenging for sure. Well, as to my thoughts over the vacation weekend while others were drinking... there was a few thoughts of "man, wouldn't it be better if I had 'a few'". Mostly just because I felt like a boring person. I felt boring, uncharismatic, dull, and uninspired to talk with people for the most part. Of course, these were all people I hardly knew so there was the first-meet awkwardness. But a lot of it was like "when I drink I'm more energetic and engaged and fun and chatty... wish I could be like that again". Like I was missing the social lubricant.

Of course, the old me would have drank myself into oblivion, staying up hours past everyone else going to bed, drinking til I passed out, and being too hungover to get out of bed the next day, racked with paranoia and anxiety. Which would have been terrible.

That said, the "wish I could" thoughts didn't persist for too long- they came and went and I wasn't tempted bc of the antabuse, which is the point of taking it. To disable the option. So now I'm pretty used to not having the option, so when those thoughts come up, I don't tend to entertain them or wallow in pity, it's just like "oh well" and I move on. It's a relief from the old days of white-knuckling it and praying I don't cave in.

Thanks Skull -very-very similar for me as well:
" I felt boring, uncharismatic, dull, and uninspired to talk with people for the most part."

Not only do I feel like I am boring, I felt bored as well. After a few drinks, no one is really being themselves anyway. Perhaps that is why alcohol worked so well for me for so many years?

[free at last]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Hi all, chiming in after NoSugar's post about Brene Brown. If you haven't seen her Ted Talk, you might want to follow the link in my signature. I'm a big fan of hers.

[skullbabyland]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Spirit- yep, a common occurence with me as well. I still find much in life pretty boring. Certainly hanging with drunk people is both boring and sometimes excruciating, depending on their level of drunkenness. But also just large chunks of life in general can still seem boring to me. I know a big part of that is my serotonin/dopamine receptors still re-adjusting and recalibrating to normal post-drinking life, which just requires no small amount of time spent sober.

But also, sometimes moments in life are just duller than watching paint dry. That's just life. I suspect escape from boredom was often one of the biggest reasons I abused alcohol. Now that I'm not doing that, sometimes I just have to deal with boredom, or hopefully find a better way to enterain myself.

As a side note, I should mention that I did end up making some good connections with many people over the weekend, and we're now FB friends etc, and I genuinely like them, they like me, and I can see that we'll likely become good friends. So yep sometimes it pays to just force myself out of my comfort zone and socialize while sober-- I'm now really glad I did.

And, in regards to my recent insecurities, I'm glad I just got on with life in spite of them, because I'm feeling more comfortable now in my new art co-op studio, and genuinely enjoying the people around me and the work they do. But for a few days it really felt like I was the new-kid weirdo at school, the odd man out, and basically scared of all the cool kids. So funny how social heirarchy insecurities can still mess with us as adults... sheesh. I'd love to be the stoic, strong, impenetrable strong man that I wish I was, with a thick skin and an uncaring attitude, but I've got work to do before I'm that guy... if ever. Oh well...

NoSugar and Free, thanks for the Brene Brown links. I'll be listening to those, and NS's Bubble Hour podcasts, today.

[spiritwolf333]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

[QUOTE=skullbabyland;1658402]Spirit- yep, a common occurence with me as well. I still find much in life pretty boring. Certainly hanging with drunk people is both boring and sometimes excruciating, depending on their level of drunkenness. But also just large chunks of life in general can still seem boring to me. I know a big part of that is my serotonin/dopamine receptors still re-adjusting and recalibrating to normal post-drinking life, which just requires no small amount of time spent sober.

But also, sometimes moments in life are just duller than watching paint dry. That's just life. I suspect escape from boredom was often one of the biggest reasons I abused alcohol. Now that I'm not doing that, sometimes I just have to deal with boredom, or hopefully find a better way to enterain myself.

QUOTE]

Skull -I would venture to guess that my entire life -from day one- has been spent trying to seek relief from boredom (which would lead to depression). Maybe it has been one big function of trying to balance out the dopamine-serotonin debacle?

Meaningful conversations within small groups are great -for me. The larger groups bore me and I am sure I am boring to them. And when they are mostly all drinking, it is time to exit the stage. But that is ok or better than ok. I do think that creative minds must find alternatives to creating when not creating.

[Pavati]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Still with you all! Crazy busy at work and sick son = less time to read and catch up here. Hope all is going well. One week into May...

[free at last]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Hi all, in reading about the "boredom" issue, I was reminded by a comment a professor once made to the class I was taking -- "The person you will spend the most time with is yourself. Make certain you are an interesting person." I, too, have times of boredom but then I think about this comment and I pick up the newspaper or take a walk with my camera or even read about a country I would like to visit. Just the process of remaining present rather than dulled by alcohol makes us incredibly more interesting people. Here's to a great AF day.

[skullbabyland]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Hey all, just checking in on everyone. One fourth of May down! Keep up the momentum, people. Best of luck today and this weekend.

[skullbabyland]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

free at last;1658827 wrote: Hi all, in reading about the "boredom" issue, I was reminded by a comment a professor once made to the class I was taking -- "The person you will spend the most time with is yourself. Make certain you are an interesting person." I, too, have times of boredom but then I think about this comment and I pick up the newspaper or take a walk with my camera or even read about a country I would like to visit. Just the process of remaining present rather than dulled by alcohol makes us incredibly more interesting people. Here's to a great AF day.

Very cool thought, thanks for sharing that. I like that.

I've recently become interested in learning more about how to learn more. Specifically I'd like to learn how to improve memory (which is terrible) and mental focus (which is moderate, depending on the task).

I'd also like to learn to speed read and to improve reading retention.

I want to do all these things so that I can better appreciate reading/learning on a variety of subjects! Right now I feel too dumb to really learn much. It's like a persistent brain fog.

Lastly, I'd like to learn how to improve dream memory and lucid dreaming, for creative reasons...

[spiritwolf333]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

skullbabyland;1658853 wrote:

Lastly, I'd like to learn how to improve dream memory and lucid dreaming, for creative reasons...

iPad App: Lucid Dreams by SDH Hypnosis
(careful for what you wish for-jk). In two to three weeks, my dream life changed.

Seriously Skull, after about the second month of listening to what I thought was foolishness, my dream state changed. I actually found myself participating/interacting and controlling the direction of my dreams. My dreams became more intense and ridiculous but I was interacting (and still do). Some nights, I fall back into some crappy -days of regret- dreams, but for the most part, I now never know what dream is coming next. The biggest part I played in all of this was not trying to control anything and not believing that anything would happen even if I did. Ok, send the white coats for me.

[Pavati]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

I don't know what lucid dreaming is - I'll read up on it. I have crazy, interesting, weird dreams all the time, and tend to really like them.

Free - like your comments on being interesting. I agree that being without alcohol has allowed me to be present and explore things I have wanted to for a long time.

I want to learn how to sing. I can hear that I have the notes wrong so I think there may be hope for me. I'll let you know.

Happy May 8.

Pav

[skullbabyland]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Oooh cool, I will have to check out some Android apps for lucid dreaming... I hadn't considered that there might be an app for that. Pretty cool stuff.

Pav, lucid dreaming is the practice of retaining conscious control of your dreams while you're in them, directing them as you wish to experience whatever you can imagine. It's like living and exploring the realms of fantasy and imagination but with your own conscious intent. I've done it a few times successfully and man, is it fun.

I too have found that living life post-alcohol has enabled me to explore things I never had the motivation to while drinking...

[free at last]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Hi all, Friday evening check in from me. Decided I am painting the bedroom this weekend. Love the way I am able to focus my mind on a singular task. And it's so rewarding to have a "finished" product at the end of two days. Who knows, with a new colour perhaps my dreams will take on a new dimension?

[spiritwolf333]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

free at last;1658827 wrote: Hi all, in reading about the "boredom" issue, I was reminded by a comment a professor once made to the class I was taking -- "The person you will spend the most time with is yourself. Make certain you are an interesting person." I, too, have times of boredom but then I think about this comment and I pick up the newspaper or take a walk with my camera or even read about a country I would like to visit. Just the process of remaining present rather than dulled by alcohol makes us incredibly more interesting people. Here's to a great AF day.

I Really-Really like this quote. And, I really need to accept the truism.

[spiritwolf333]

Sober Mayites- Assemble!

Pavati;1659100 wrote: I don't know what lucid dreaming is - I'll read up on it. I have crazy, interesting, weird dreams all the time, and tend to really like them.


Pav
free at last;1659410 wrote: Hi all, Friday evening check in from me. Decided I am painting the bedroom this weekend. Love the way I am able to focus my mind on a singular task. And it's so rewarding to have a "finished" product at the end of two days. Who knows, with a new colour perhaps my dreams will take on a new dimension?

Pav, I want to learn to sing also -but there is huge learning curve for me.

As far as dreaming goes Lucid, Vivid Dreams; For me right now, I actually participate, to some degree, in my dreams. My dreams these days are intense and very vivid. I can feel myself make decisions versus just observing what happens. The wild, futuristic dreams; well, I am just more of an observer -thank goodness.

FREE -What is the formula for being able to focus on a single task? I understand the thrill of actually completing something -can last for days for me. But how do you finally end up just focusing on one single task?


Thanks for these posts.