Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

[leann1967]

new as of yesterday, story in the newbie forum but right now I'm so pissed and disguested at where I am.

I've never had a problem with alcohol. I was a social drinker. I have a very good life. Nice home, don't have to work, great friends etc. I always viewed alcoholics as well, anyhow. And here I am trying to wean of the crap. I'm glad that I've not dealt with it for years as I've read many others have. I'm glad I don't crave it and don't want it. I'm glad that I caught it early and realized I was drinking too much but had no idea my body went and got dependent on it. But trying to wean off it really stinks! Hate waking up at 5am with the shakes. Stashing a beer in my purse for going out in public for more than a few hours so I can sneak to the bathroom and drink half of it to ward off the shakes is just so low. So pathetic.

I'm doing good. Hate beer but switched to it based on the plan I read here on this website. I Have a plan, keeping notes on what time I drink, how much and etc but I'm just really really upset that I'm here. This wasn't suppose to happen to me. I'm so much better than this. I have never been depressed before in my life but feel like scum for allowing myself to be in the situation I'm in right now. I hate it hate it hate it. :upset:

[paulywogg]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Oh Leann,i think we are twins,my drinking started out all just fun,maybe at the most 3 bottles of heineken and i was gone,went to bed,woke up o.k,as the years went on 3 bottles turned to 6,6 turned to more,started going to parties a d concerts late,would wake up like you at 5 a.m shaking,my body and mind scrambling to find any alcohol just to settle down,like you having to have a little"something"in my purse just to take the kids to the mall,or grocery shop,work,screw any restauants that didnt serve booze! i used beer to taier,the best plan is to try and wait as long as you can,then sip it like it's meds,your body will get used to a lesser amount of al,you will be uncomfortable at times but try not to overthink it,i wish you strengtht sweetie

[leann1967]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Thanks Paulywogg! My attitude right now is "I GOT THIS!" I'm just so upset about it. I'm doing 1/2 a beer every 2 hours. My 2 hours was due over 15minutes ago and when I went to drink 1/2 beer I thought...I'm not shaking THAT bad so just hold off. so that's what I'm doing. I don't want to get to where I just drink beer all day to ward off withdrawals. I want OFF this junk! When I get to where others can see me shaking I'll take a few swigs of beer. Really hope this works for me.

[treetops]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Welcome to MWO Leann:welcome:
You should jump in the Newbies Nest as well.
Drinking to stop the shakes is not a good sign at all. I am really glad that you have decided to give your body and mind some kindness and wean off this. It sounds so far that you are doing well and not prolonging the drinking any more than necessary.
I never had the shakes as such despite very heavy and prolonged drinking and don't know much about weaning as Pauly mentioned. But I do think that if this does not work for you that you should consider other options - now that you have accepted that you have a problem. It looks like you have a plan however and that its going well.

Take care and keep us posted!

[red67]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Maybe you can turn your thoughts around to "thank goodness I caught this early, I am very lucky to have the insight to see this is a problem and correct before it ruins my life". Changing our attitude is huge in overcoming this, and for life in general.

Call me niave, but to me our thoughts create our moods. If you can see this revelation as a blessing you may be able to see your addiction in a new light. You will become a stronger person and a more compassionate person as a result.

Doesn't hurt to try right?

[NoSugar]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Hi, Leann

It is likely that no one here planned to become addicted to alcohol and in fact, many who grew up with alcoholic family members swore it would never happen to them. It wasn't supposed to. But it did. We are all better people than we seem when we are drinking.

For a long time, I was convinced that I was strong enough and smart enough and had the resources I needed to take care of my problem. I had achieved most of my other goals and had what looked like a fairly low-stress, organized, fulfilling life. I thought I wasn't like what I (wrongly) perceived as weak, undisciplined, unmotivated people with "drinking problems" and certainly not like the down-and-out alcoholics I'd occasionally see on the streets or portrayed in TV shows and movies. I was convinced that if I just tried harder, I could figure it out. That approach had worked with other life challenges and I couldn't understand why it wasn't working for this - especially since I wanted it so much.

I just couldn't do it until I joined MWO and met the successful, funny, interesting, smart, motivated people here who had the same struggle. I liked and admired them. In many ways I could relate to them and wanted to be just like them in this part of our lives. They were supporting one another and most importantly, accepting that they could not control alcohol if they allowed it into their bodies. I finally put down the weapons I'd been using and picked up the much different tools that these people were using and that are needed to get over an addiction.

Logic and reason, intolerance of weakness, setting of high standards, ignoring physical urges, and putting up all of one's defenses are not enough and in fact, work against you. Hating yourself when you once again fail serves only to perpetuate that cycle.

I learned to face the cravings and ease myself past them. I started telling the truth about my situation instead of always pretending to be just fine with no need of help from anyone else. I gave up on the idea that I could moderate my alcohol intake and admitted that I did not have a force of will that was any sort match for an addiction.

By surrendering, I gained some much-needed humility and a much greater sense of gratitude. It isn't weak to surrender, as I used to think. It takes serious commitment, effort, and strength to keep this new-found peace! And it turns out we do have control over alcohol - it is always our choice to consume it or not.

You aren't scum, Leann, and you didn't allow it to happen in the way it probably feels to you right now. I continue to work on truly forgiving myself for not having understood what was going on sooner. But the way it all happens is part of what makes this an addiction. The choice and free will that we all prize so highly get co-opted and we're not even aware that we are being pulled along by forces outside our rational brain. By the time the problem is apparent, we're often too far along to simply change course.

But we can change and you've come to a great place to get the support you'll need. Unless you've been drinking at extremely high levels, I'd encourage you to just stop now. It is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and right now, self- love and respect are your strongest tools.

[available]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

leann1967;1658885 wrote: new as of yesterday, story in the newbie forum but right now I'm so pissed and disguested at where I am.

I've never had a problem with alcohol. I was a social drinker. I have a very good life. Nice home, don't have to work, great friends etc. I always viewed alcoholics as well, anyhow. And here I am trying to wean of the crap. I'm glad that I've not dealt with it for years as I've read many others have. I'm glad I don't crave it and don't want it. I'm glad that I caught it early and realized I was drinking too much but had no idea my body went and got dependent on it. But trying to wean off it really stinks! Hate waking up at 5am with the shakes. Stashing a beer in my purse for going out in public for more than a few hours so I can sneak to the bathroom and drink half of it to ward off the shakes is just so low. So pathetic.

I'm doing good. Hate beer but switched to it based on the plan I read here on this website. I Have a plan, keeping notes on what time I drink, how much and etc but I'm just really really upset that I'm here. This wasn't suppose to happen to me. I'm so much better than this. I have never been depressed before in my life but feel like scum for allowing myself to be in the situation I'm in right now. I hate it hate it hate it. :upset:

Welcome Leann

Becoming an alkie does not happen overnight but it can happen! Happened to all of us here. Starts off slow and before we know it we cant go without a drink, we start planning when we can drink from the time we wake up. We stop going to social events as it interferes with our drinking, we push ourselves away from people we love so we can drink, we hide our drinking and it becomes our life. Its not that hard to become an alcoholic. I also viewed alcoholics as bums on the street or non functioning, like my brother but a few years after he died of al, i realised that alcoholism comes in many forms and i am a functioning alky.

We all hit our own low and realise that we cant and dont want to be like we are. I had many attempts to give up drinking but always thought i was not "that" bad and could moderate. Quickly i slid back into the hell i was living of drinking 2 bottles of wine daily. This quit i have realised that i need to stop lying to myself and to others, i and only i could stop drinking, i could not moderate EVER, i can never have another drink in my life and thats ok. I never want the shakes, the anxiety, the depression, the shame, the guilt. That is what al gave me in my 20+ year drinking history. Now life is good, i feel normal, i dont crave al, i dont need al.

MWO has been my AA, my life saver and i have met some wonderful fellow alkies on here. I never thought i was as bad as some on here but at the end of the day we are all the same people with an addiction that we want to stop.

The feelings you have will disappear as will the symptoms when you stop al and get it out of your life. Its not easy, we will all attest to that but it is extremely rewarding and it is something i feel very proud of accomplishing.

There is wonderful advice on here Leann, post and post and read and read.

[leann1967]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

So.... in the mornings when I get up I have the shakes as I did this morning. I drank my 1/2 a beer and perhaps it's all in my head but I feel a small buzz off of it. I'm thinking this is a REALLY good sign that my tolerance is getting lower and I can cut back even more. My husband is leaving to go out of town in 2 days. I'm thinking I'll keep lessening the amount of beer and as soon as he leaves stop it all together. that way if there is still any withdrawal I'll be alone for no one to know. Surely the withdrawal won't be anything like when I tried to stop the hard liquor a week ago. It was so bad I was really scared

And my attitude towards this has changed since I posted this thread. I can't beat myself up. It happened. Shit happens. My body becoming dependent on this stuff wasn't my fault. I know many people that drink alot and don't get dependent on this stuff. My body's different and I need to always remember that. It WILL be my fault if I allow it to happen again. Right now I'm in an excited mood. excited that i'm drinking very little beer now to keep withdrawals at bay. Excited that i'm sticking with my plan and having less and less rather than digging into the liquor cabinet. Excited that I found this board with awesome people sharing their stories to help boost my confidence in nipping this. Ya'll are great!

[spiritwolf333]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

NoSugar;1659055 wrote: Hi, Leann

It is likely that no one here planned to become addicted to alcohol and in fact, many who grew up with alcoholic family members swore it would never happen to them. It wasn't supposed to. But it did. We are all better people than we seem when we are drinking.

For a long time, I was convinced that I was strong enough and smart enough and had the resources I needed to take care of my problem. I had achieved most of my other goals and had what looked like a fairly low-stress, organized, fulfilling life. I thought I wasn't like what I (wrongly) perceived as weak, undisciplined, unmotivated people with "drinking problems" and certainly not like the down-and-out alcoholics I'd occasionally see on the streets or portrayed in TV shows and movies. I was convinced that if I just tried harder, I could figure it out. That approach had worked with other life challenges and I couldn't understand why it wasn't working for this - especially since I wanted it so much.

I just couldn't do it until I joined MWO and met the successful, funny, interesting, smart, motivated people here who had the same struggle. I liked and admired them. In many ways I could relate to them and wanted to be just like them in this part of our lives. They were supporting one another and most importantly, accepting that they could not control alcohol if they allowed it into their bodies. I finally put down the weapons I'd been using and picked up the much different tools that these people were using and that are needed to get over an addiction.

Logic and reason, intolerance of weakness, setting of high standards, ignoring physical urges, and putting up all of one's defenses are not enough and in fact, work against you. Hating yourself when you once again fail serves only to perpetuate that cycle.

I learned to face the cravings and ease myself past them. I started telling the truth about my situation instead of always pretending to be just fine with no need of help from anyone else. I gave up on the idea that I could moderate my alcohol intake and admitted that I did not have a force of will that was any sort match for an addiction.

By surrendering, I gained some much-needed humility and a much greater sense of gratitude. It isn't weak to surrender, as I used to think. It takes serious commitment, effort, and strength to keep this new-found peace! And it turns out we do have control over alcohol - it is always our choice to consume it or not.

You aren't scum, Leann, and you didn't allow it to happen in the way it probably feels to you right now. I continue to work on truly forgiving myself for not having understood what was going on sooner. But the way it all happens is part of what makes this an addiction. The choice and free will that we all prize so highly get co-opted and we're not even aware that we are being pulled along by forces outside our rational brain. By the time the problem is apparent, we're often too far along to simply change course.

But we can change and you've come to a great place to get the support you'll need. Unless you've been drinking at extremely high levels, I'd encourage you to just stop now. It is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and right now, self- love and respect are your strongest tools.

This is a really good post. Thanks NS

[spiritwolf333]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

available;1659065 wrote: Welcome Leann

Becoming an alkie does not happen overnight but it can happen! Happened to all of us here. Starts off slow and before we know it we cant go without a drink, we start planning when we can drink from the time we wake up. We stop going to social events as it interferes with our drinking, we push ourselves away from people we love so we can drink, we hide our drinking and it becomes our life. Its not that hard to become an alcoholic. I also viewed alcoholics as bums on the street or non functioning, like my brother but a few years after he died of al, i realised that alcoholism comes in many forms and i am a functioning alky.

We all hit our own low and realise that we cant and dont want to be like we are. I had many attempts to give up drinking but always thought i was not "that" bad and could moderate. Quickly i slid back into the hell i was living of drinking 2 bottles of wine daily. This quit i have realised that i need to stop lying to myself and to others, i and only i could stop drinking, i could not moderate EVER, i can never have another drink in my life and thats ok. I never want the shakes, the anxiety, the depression, the shame, the guilt. That is what al gave me in my 20+ year drinking history. Now life is good, i feel normal, i dont crave al, i dont need al.

MWO has been my AA, my life saver and i have met some wonderful fellow alkies on here. I never thought i was as bad as some on here but at the end of the day we are all the same people with an addiction that we want to stop.

The feelings you have will disappear as will the symptoms when you stop al and get it out of your life. Its not easy, we will all attest to that but it is extremely rewarding and it is something i feel very proud of accomplishing.

There is wonderful advice on here Leann, post and post and read and read.

Wisdom!

[spiritwolf333]

Depressed - I'm better than this!!!

Leann -Hi, glad to see you are seeking some relief.

There are a lot of wise ole drinking souls here on MWO and I urge you to read their posts. Find a few that you can relate with (their posts) and then go read their other posts and threads.

As has been said, not many of us here chose to go to hell in a hand basket because of alcohol. However, I do believe some of us are grateful that alcohol led us to our current destination and the new found freedoms from being alcohol free.

I am not quite sure about things, but I have always been told that alcoholism is just a symptom of other underlying problems. I never did like hearing that foolishness until I realized that it was true -at least for me. For many of us, the physical addiction to alcohol and the removal therein was only the beginning to a much greater life.

Hope you find your own freedom soon.