Staying Sober After Breastfeeding

[emwv712]

Some of you who have been on MWO for awhile may remember me as one of the women who drank (a lot, including binge drinking) before she found out she was pregnant. I went through the whole gamut of emotions and found reassurance through this forum and private messages that (1) I was not alone and (2) that my baby could still be fine, despite the stern warnings from my doctors.

I have stayed sober since I found out about the baby last February, and I'm still sober, now that my baby is 8 months old (she was born one month early, but was a big healthy girl!)

My goal is to keep breastfeeding, which is a good excuse to stay sober. I work in an industry where almost everything is done over cocktails and wine, but I find it easy to say "no, I've got an infant at home, gotta feed her (insert wink)."

But once my baby is a year old, I will probably stop breastfeeding. Most doctors recommend a year of breastfeeding, and with my job, it would probably be hard to try to go much longer than that. I already find it hard to make the time now.

I do worry that I'll slip back into drinking after I stop breastfeeding. When I don't have the easy excuse that I can't drink because I'm BFing, I think it will be all too ease to just have a drink during happy hour with my boss. And then, when I'm feeling sad and depressed or anxious, to drink more on my own.

And believe me, I still feel sad and anxious at times because I still worry about whether my baby survived the heavy drinking during the early part of my pregnancy without any delays. She has very frequent ear infections, which is something that babies with fetal alcohol issues have. A lot of children whose mothers did not drink during pregnancy have ear infections too, so it is just another kernel of doubt/worry that reminds me that there may be a yet unseen price that was paid for my failure to cope with my S**T without drinking.

This is a long post, but I appreciate the chance to get this off my chest (no pun intended). I have several months to go before I come up with a new sober strategy that doesn't involve relying on the breastfeeding excuse. But now, I just need to get these words out and hopefully release some of the pressure from the guilt, guilt, guilt.

[j-vo]

Staying Sober After Breastfeeding

Hi 712,
I think it's a smart idea to start thinking about it now. Do you think alcohol has been a problem for you in the past? Did it give you problems you would not have had, had you not drank? That's where I can distinguish a normal drinker from a problem drinker. Maybe you would like to try to give it up for good, because if you're like 99 percent of the people here, we had a decent relationship with alcohol in the beginning, but slowly, it progressed to be a problem, then many problems which affected lots of areas of our lives. This is because alcoholism is a progressive disease that may be hard to detect in younger years. Some things to think about while you're still breast feeding. What i can tell you is that the AF life is a pretty damn cool one. Take care.

[emwv712]

Staying Sober After Breastfeeding

j-vo;1660866 wrote: Hi 712,
I think it's a smart idea to start thinking about it now. Do you think alcohol has been a problem for you in the past? Did it give you problems you would not have had, had you not drank? That's where I can distinguish a normal drinker from a problem drinker. Maybe you would like to try to give it up for good, because if you're like 99 percent of the people here, we had a decent relationship with alcohol in the beginning, but slowly, it progressed to be a problem, then many problems which affected lots of areas of our lives. This is because alcoholism is a progressive disease that may be hard to detect in younger years. Some things to think about while you're still breast feeding. What i can tell you is that the AF life is a pretty damn cool one. Take care.

Good questions...I hadn't really thought much about how I got where I was. I started off drinking in college, just a few drinks here and there, building up to the occasional bad night when I would have to much and get sick. I drank more in grad school because, for one thing, "everyone" drank. I would drink more when I was lonely or upset. I had too much a few times, nothing too embarrassing.

The drinking got much worse once I started work. I started drinking more often (at least 2 drinks a day). At work functions, it was easy to binge - open bar, everyone else from the office has a high tolerance. I also started making a decent income and could afford to buy lots of beer and wine and liquor.

I did have one incident at a work retreat where I drank WAY too much, got sick and blacked out. That never happened to me before. But that was a year or so before I got pregnant.

I had scaled back the drinking some by the time I got pregnant, but right before I found out, I had a fight with my significant other and got WASTED. I went through about two bottles of wine in one night, went on to have a solid weekend of drinking, then realized my period was probably a few days late.

So I think I probably fit a pattern that is common for a lot of folks who have problems with alcohol. Alcohol was fun in the beginning, then it became "social currency" for grad school and work, and toward the end, I was doing it too much and too often.

The problem is that I work in a field where a LOT of people have trouble with alcohol, but admitting that you have a problem with alcohol is SUPER taboo. Almost tantamount to career suicide. So I can't just be honest with people about why I'm passing on the wine and martinis once I'm no longer breastfeeding.

[Byrdlady]

Staying Sober After Breastfeeding

I remember you from last year! I was thrilled to hear that your baby is healthy! I am glad to see you back and facing these very real issues! This is going to be a long post, so I apologize in advance!

If we look at the facts (just the FACTS) maybe we can figure this out.
You were concerned about your drinking before the pregnancy happened.
You drank when you were lonely or upset, or to relieve the pressures of the job.
You were drinking too much and too often.
You joined a online forum for alcohol abuse.
You feel guilt, shame, and remorse for the drinking you have done and are really afraid you are going to continue down this path.
You really WANT to drink again, and are finding excuses to do it (work, pressure, social protocol dictates it).
You feel like you will be able to control it this time, since you have some sober time.
Even tho you have all of these negative feelings, you are still considering drinking again.

Does that about sum it up?

Following is an important post from the Tool Box. It talks about the STAGES of alcoholism. Let's see where you are.....

Originally Posted by mario
Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease that includes the following four symptoms: craving, physical dependence, tolerance, and the loss of control.

Alcoholism is a complex topic that can be better understood when it is studied and assessed via the four alcoholism stages. And keep in mind that when the term "alcoholism" is used, this also means "alcohol addiction," "alcohol dependency," or "alcohol dependence."

Alcoholism: The First Stage

In the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is no longer social but becomes a means of emotional escape from inhibitions, problems, inhibitions. Stated differently, during the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is, in many instances, a psychological attempt to escape from reality. For instance, early in the disease an individual starts to depend on the mood-altering effects of alcohol.

Another observable characteristic of the first stage of alcoholism is that a slow and gradual increase in tolerance develops, meaning that more and more amounts of alcohol are needed for the individual to "get high" or to "feel the buzz." For example, it is common for problem drinkers in the first stage of alcoholism to start gulping one or two drinks before attending a social function and then to increase social drinking to 3 to 5 drinks per day.

Alcoholism: The Second Stage

In the second stage of alcoholism, the need to drink becomes more powerful. For example, it is common during this stage for the problem drinker to start to drink earlier in the day.

As tolerance increases, furthermore, the individual with the drinking problem drinks not because of psychological tension or stress relief, but because of his or her dependence on alcohol. During this stage of the disease, even though the "loss of control" does not occur on a regular basis, it is, nevertheless, starting to become more noticeable by others such as relatives, family members, neighbors, friends, and co-workers.

Also during this stage of the disease, the problem drinker may begin to feel more concerned and embarrassed about his or her drinking. Often during this stage, problem drinkers are unsuccessful in their attempts to stop drinking.

In this stage, physical symptoms such as hangovers, blackouts, hand tremors, and stomach problems increase. Interestingly, instead of seeing their drinking as the root of the many problems and issues they experience, however, drinkers with a drinking problem in this stage frequently start to blame others and things external to themselves for their difficulties.

Alcoholism: The Third Stage

In the third stage of alcoholism, the loss of control becomes more severe and more observable. This means that problem drinkers are unable to drink in accordance with their intentions. For example, once the individual takes the first drink, he or she commonly can no longer control further drinking behavior, in spite of the fact that the intent might have been to have just "one or two drinks." It should be stressed that an important aspect of this stage of the illness is the following: the drinker often starts to experience more serious drinking problems as well as alcohol-related employment, relationship, financial, and legal problems.

In the third stage of alcoholism, it is common for the problem drinker to start avoiding friends and family and to show a lack of interest in activities and events that once were fun or important. Also typical during this stage are "eye-openers," that is, drinks that are taken whenever the problem drinker awakens. Eye-openers are taken mainly to "calm the nerves," lessen a hangover, or to quiet the feelings of remorse the individual occasionally experiences after a period of time without consuming a drink.

As the drinking increases the individual with the drinking problem starts to neglect most things of importance, even necessities such as food, water, personal hygiene, shelter, and personal interaction. And finally, during this stage, the drinker often makes half-hearted attempts at getting professional medical assistance.

Alcoholism: The Fourth Stage

The fourth and last stage of alcoholism is characterized by a chronic loss of control. In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker may have been successful in maintaining a job. Due to the fact that drinking during this stage frequently starts earlier in the day and commonly continues throughout the day, however, few, if any, full-time jobs can be maintained under these conditions.

In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker had a choice whether he or she would take the first drink. After taking the first drink, the drinker typically lost all control and would then continue drinking. In the last stage of alcoholism, however, alcoholics no longer have a choice: they need to drink in order to function on a daily basis.

During the fourth stage of alcoholism, benders are typical. More to the point, in the fourth stage of alcoholism the alcoholic frequently gets helplessly drunk and may remain in this predicament for a number of days or weeks. The unattainable goal for the drinker while engaging in his or her bender is to experience the "high" they he or she once experienced.

In the second or third stages of alcoholism the drinker's hands may have trembled slightly on mornings after getting drunk the previous night. In the fourth and last stage of alcoholism, conversely, alcoholics get "the shakes" whenever they attempt or are forced to refrain from drinking.

These tremors are an indication of a serious nervous disorder that now affects the drinker's entire body. When "the shakes" are combined with hallucinations, furthermore, the result is known as "the DTs" or delirium tremens. The DTs are a potentially deadly kind of alcoholism withdrawal that almost always takes place unless the alcoholic receives immediate alcoholism treatment. It may come as no surprise that after an attack of the DTs, more than a few alcoholics promise to never drink again. Sadly, most of them do not and cannot fulfill their promise. Consequently, they more often than not return to drinking and the alcoholic drinking patterns and drinking problem start all over again.


From the information discussed above, it can be concluded that the four stages of alcoholism paint a bleak picture for individuals who are alcohol addicted. Perhaps learning about the destructive and damaging outcomes and the unhealthy nature of alcoholism may not make a much of an impact on most individuals who are already chronically alcohol dependent.

It is hoped, however, that by exposing the facts about alcohol dependency and about the stages of alcoholism to our youth BEFORE they start consuming alcohol in an abuse and irresponsible manner will prevent many of our teenagers from experiencing the drinking problems and the unhealthy and devastating realities suffered by most alcoholics
End Quote.


So based on the information you have shared with us since Feb of last year, it looks as tho you may be a solid Stage 2 with your toe in the Stage 3 team photo. As this article indicates, and I can tell you from personal experience that a Stage 2/3 person does not just go back to Stage 1 and live happily ever after. Stage 3 and 4 are just over the horizon. Trust me on this one. No matter how long you have been quit, when you start back up, you are going to make up for lost time and the next thing you know you are going to be wondering what the hell happened!!! This is addiction.

Let's play your story out 2 ways. Let's say you stop breast feeding and decide to dip your toe back into the water...just to be social. You are out with clients, and have one with dinner... your glass gets empty way too soon, and everyone else is drinking, why not another? As you socialize, someone hands you another (I'm a female, too, in the business world, I KNOW how it goes). By the time you've had 3, what do you think happens? Right, your judgment is now shot! You may as well have another 2 or 3 by the time the evening is out. Next night. Man, I head is killing me...I need one just to take the edge off. Open a bottle. Finish it amazingly fast....better have another just to settle my nerves. If you are able to stop at 2, you feel good about the whole thing.

Next night. Well, I just showed that I can only have 2, I will do that again tonight.....and THIS, my dear, is how the whole cycle begins. Now let's consider you have a high pressure job and a new baby...enter STRESS and ANXIETY.
After a year on this hideous circus ride, you come back here and tell us how you are neglecting your job and your baby so you can drink. You would give anything to have your current quit back! You would do anything to erase the guilt/shame and remorse you NOW have on top of what you already had!

Now, let's play it the other way. You maintain your quit realizing that you have an AL problem. Like me, you find ways to socialize without drinking. Only when I quit did I realize this was only an excuse to drink. ALL of my colleagues don't drink (like I thought). Only the ones will REAL issues will pressure you about it. Business isn't done like it was back in the day...now, everyone is conscience of his/her behavior. You will not win or lose any business by what you DON'T DRINK but I have seen many salespeople ruined by what they DID drink. You get home at a reasonable hour, sober, to be there if your daughter needs you. There is no more guilt, shame and remorse, you are living a life without this demon leading you around. You wake up with a clear head and a clear heart!

Protect your quit with everything you've got! It is 1000 times easier to maintain your quit than to start over. Spend some time on this site and just see where AL has gotten ALL of us!! It causes us nothing but despair! This is your life and you get one shot at it...do not let AL take it over and call the shots for you....you have an opportunity to break free for good, please take it. If you took a beautiful orchid and each day you poured a glass of wine on it instead of water, what do you think would happen over time? It will die, of course, we are NO different, we are living things and pouring ethanol into us is not normal. NOT drinking is normal.

I am in the business world, too, many of us on this site are.....we find a way to stay sober. You can too. Do it for yourself and that beautiful baby! You don't need AL to live a full and happy life! Best of luck to you!! XXOO, Byrdie

[j-vo]

Staying Sober After Breastfeeding

Excellent post, Byrdie! I hope this resonates with you, 712. Now you're a mother, there are so many more responsibilities to consider. You have two big jobs, now. I had a lot of shame, remorse, and guilt as far as my only child goes when I was drinking heavily. When they're old enough to tell you, "Mom, you were drunk again last night," it really sucks. It took a long time for our relationship to heal, for him to trust me, and for me to trust myself. I could never trust myself while drinking. All bets were off. But one thing is for damn sure...I want to live sober for myself, for my family, and especially my son.