Day 111 and....

[briseus]

Hey everyone...
Day 111 here.

I can't shake this anger. I don't get it. I am always irritable...what is wrong with me?? I was never like this...actually, near the end of my drinking I started to get more and more like this...but not as bad...

At first I was worried that I was becoming complacent, so decided to do more and become more active in my sobriety, so I began attending AA meetings (just a spur of the moment decision one night and I actually didn't mind the group - it's open so we get to listen to people share their stories and I am okay with that)...and journaling more often...but I still can't shake this feeling.
Lately I have been having 'drink dreams' more and more often. Which is weird...I don't know if I've had them before..I have a feeling that I did in the very beginning but all I thought about in the beginning was drinking so it's all a blur.

I am not very angry or irritable when at home - although my patience does run dry from time to time but I am completely content with being at home alone with my puppies, books, journals, laptop...etc.
I am very irritable and annoyed at work...with everyone and everything...I am not sure if it's work that I am having a problem with or if it's me??
I have also been getting frequent headaches...PAWS?

I feel like I am coming apart at the seams, very slowly...
I don't think I will drink...no, I know I won't drink but I feel like something is missing and I need to do more, or change something.

Anyone gone through this? Thoughts?

Bri.

[Byrdlady]

Day 111 and....

Remember the stages of grief? Sometimes you waffle back and forth between them and there are just phases along the way where you hit one you THOUGHT you were thru. This is normal and it will pass. Do not give AL one scintilla of an opportunity to get back in. There are a few flat spots...one is at 30 days....another at 100 and another at 6 months. Then it is smooth sailing! FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!! It will pass!!

So glad you are talking it out, stay connected....come join us in the Newbie's Nest! That will make you appreciate where you are even more!! Hang in there!!! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Day 111 and....

Hi, Bri

This might sound simplistic and condescending but I truly don't mean it that way. You just need to be patient. All sorts of changes are going on in your body and brain. They take time. Way more than 100 days. I've been feeling totally normal (whatever that is ) only recently and I quit over 16 months ago.

I was pretty dang easy on myself for many months in terms of only doing what I wanted to do (other than drink, of course). I also experimented with various forms of relaxation including meditation and yoga.

If you're feeling nonspecific anger, you might want to try to get to the root of that or you might want to just develop some skills for handling it now and wait until you're more firmly AF to deal with underlying issues. The main thing you don't need to do is expect yourself to feel a certain way and berate yourself for not feeling it. You feel how you feel. And in a month, and 5 months, and a year from now, you'll feel different. I've experienced the last 16 months as sort of an evolution - it takes time and you just have to let it happen.

You'll be ok, Bri, just give it time and continue not drinking. All the best, NS

[mama bear]

Day 111 and....

well said, No Sugar. Very well said

[Sunbeam]

Day 111 and....

Bri, I am delighted that you have made it to day 111. There are probably many positives about your AF life, you sound ready to continue building on them. I think many of us do miss the mind-numbing effects of alcohol which we used to drown life's annoyances. Now we just have to deal with it because we know that the rest of our life is so much better without alcohol. I wish you continued success.

[Sunbeam]

Day 111 and....

Bri, I am delighted that you have made it to day 111. There are probably many positives about your AF life, you sound ready to continue building on them. I think many of us do miss the mind-numbing effects of alcohol which we used to drown life's annoyances. Now we just have to deal with it because we know that the rest of our life is so much better without alcohol. I wish you continued success.

[briseus]

Day 111 and....

Thanks everyone - I am just on my way out the door to get to work but wanted to thank each of you but the supportive words. You're all right. I need to hang in there...I can't throw this all away....
I DO need to be patient.
And *yes*...fake it til I make it.
Thanks. )

[Nelz]

Day 111 and....

Hang in there Bri........you mind, body and soul all have a little adjusting to do I call it the roller coaster, and it will be a WILD ride. Dont get too happy about the highs....or too low on the lows....just let everything try to stabilize.

It wont last forever, the roller coaster that is