Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

who to look after, him or me?

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 3
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 template Next
    #1

    who to look after, him or me?

    hi

    i posted under just starting out about my OH undergoing treatment for cancer (lurking and something or other). i had stated that i wanted to try to go AF on tuesday tomorrow so i was better able to deal with our situation.

    i have been drinking to excess for years and the diagnosis did not affect my drinking, in fact i felt all the more need for the 'crutch' even though i knew i should stop.

    i have been putting off going AF since diagnosis nov 05 because there was always 'after the op.' then when scanned to show ruccurence ' after the chemo and scan' etc. i did then go AF for two weeks but then there was a spread to the spine.

    we have reached a crossroads as to treament as he has had secondary cancer in two places. he has started more chemo but is exhausted, this is his 3rd go at chemo after 6 weeks of radiotherapy, plus a major 8 hour operation.

    anyway, he asked me to call the oncologist tomorrow about whether its worth it he feels so bad. he has no quality of life at all, i want to know from the onc. if this is how he will feel and then he dies and i think he does too.

    i am a functioning drunk, i dont pass out or wake up in the garden but i am getting pains in my abdomen which i think is my liver. i have to look after myself but to go AF you have to be selfish for a while at least in the short term.

    i suppose im asking if i should do it tomorrow or not? it has never been the right time, ha ha, but the timing seems to get worse as the stress of knowing he will die has got more real.
    Tags: None
    #2
    who to look after, him or me?

    (((Roxane)))

    Hon I truly am sorry. I have had relatives and close friends die from cancer and it is heartbreaking. Especially w/my favorite uncle, I must admit I drank way too much.

    But, though the alcohol does numb......what about the tradeoff. Let's say your husband decides to not undergo further treatment and you have a limited time left. How would u like to share it with him?

    Let's say he intends to fight it all the way....what encouragement can he get from you if you are still drinking.

    Having said that, I don't know what I would do in your shoes. Only you do. But, I do know sometimes the perfect time to quit drinking isn't when things are grand and there is little stress in one's life, but when you need all your resources and alcohol would just further deplete them.

    Is giving up drinking now selfish, because you are working on yourself? No, deciding to give up alcohol now becaue you are working on yourself.....is a gift.

    I'm so sorry, hon.

    Comment

      #3
      who to look after, him or me?

      I, too, am so so sorry for this. I would encourage you to do the best you can with your drinking. Being present for your husband is the greatest gift you can give him without the fog of alcohol.
      I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

      Comment

        #4
        who to look after, him or me?

        Hart you brought a few tears to my my eyes with your post, and thats saying something at the moment! yes the alcohol numbs, i think thats the point. whenever i've got tearful he has asked me not to, stiff upper lip is alive and well.

        while he is on chemo, its like groundhog day for him and me. my being drunk would make no difference to him, sometimes he says that he cant tell if i've had a drink or not. i cant distract myself by going out and stuff because i want to be here for him as and when he needs me.

        he started this last round because, its a chance, and he was in pain anyway.

        if it was a case of no treatment and short quality of life it would be simple. me AF and enjoy what time we have left. but its not that simple, no chemo and no quality of life as it is going through his bones.

        But you are right Hart that sometimes the worst time to quit is the best time.

        Comment

          #5
          who to look after, him or me?

          Lushy, thats why i have the guilt of the drinker

          Comment

            #6
            who to look after, him or me?

            HI Roxane,I am so sorry for your dilemma. A few years ago I helped nurse my brother
            who had lung cancer, it was a terrible time, and I could not have done it had I been
            drinking. You must do what you think is best for you and your husband. I think you
            will feel better about yourself if you can manage it without drink.I'ts a difficult time
            and you can be sure nobody will judge you if you do not manage without the booze.
            I note you are in England you can get lots of support from the macmillan & Marie
            Curie nurses also backup.
            Love Paula.
            .

            Comment

              #7
              who to look after, him or me?

              Roxane. I just want to say my prayers are with you and your hubby.

              Comment

                #8
                who to look after, him or me?

                thanks paula, we have been offered macmillan nurses, but aint it just the the way, they are overwhelmed and can see us in two weeks. they are a charity and can only do their best.

                Day one tomorrow.

                Comment

                  #9
                  who to look after, him or me?

                  jacy, i am grateful for your prayers

                  Comment

                    #10
                    who to look after, him or me?

                    i'm going to change my sig. not good, it looks like i'm being flippant lol

                    Comment

                      #11
                      who to look after, him or me?

                      Just try your best, and you and you will find resources you never knew you had.
                      Also maybe your gp could advice you on help and support agencies,there are
                      plenty out there.
                      Keep your chin up, you can and will get through this.
                      Love Paula.
                      .

                      Comment

                        #12
                        who to look after, him or me?

                        Dear Roxane,

                        Just to say how sorry I am - my heart just goes out to you at this time and my thoughts and prayers are with you - Hart has responded so well that I can't really add anything else. However you decide to get through this, know that you have friends here - you're not alone. :h :h
                        :rays: Arial

                        Last first day - 15th April 2012
                        Goals:
                        Days 1-7 DONE
                        Days 8-14 DONE
                        Days 15-21 DONE
                        30 days DONE
                        60 days
                        100 days

                        Comment

                          #13
                          who to look after, him or me?

                          tried the GP no go. on my own, exept this site

                          am logging off now, g'night paula, wish me luck for tomorrow about 3pm. oohh.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            who to look after, him or me?

                            Roxane,

                            "Saw" you on your other thread and I am still thinking about you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              who to look after, him or me?

                              Roxanne, do whatever it takes to get thru this horrible time. I am going thru a ghastly divorce (not in the least comparable & am sorry if you think I am equating my positon with yours in any way, but I am simply stating that we humans are often in a state of pain for different reasons) and am strugling with my drinking too. Some days I mangage not to drink, some day I moderate, some days I am blotto. Every day I tick off mentally as a day "got through". I wish you strength and courage.

                              Rip x

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 template Next
                              Working...
                              X