who to look after, him or me?

[MDBiker]

who to look after, him or me?

This is a hard decision; and whatever you do will be hard. I wish you and your BH the best.
bear

[psychmommy]

who to look after, him or me?

Hi. . . I don't know what else to say, except I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. . . Whatever you decide to do, I think we all understand and support you. :l

[gabby]

who to look after, him or me?

So sorry to hear of all your pain. Having gone through losing my mother to cancer and knowing what a hard time that was in my life I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers.

[chrysa]

who to look after, him or me?

I hope you will take a little time tommorrow (Tues) today for you to pray for a path to open for you to get through this time. When you do, think of all those that are praying for you also.

You & God know what is best for you and for your husband in this situation. I think you will not fail him no matter what you decide.

I think a lot depends on how much you have been drinking & how much stress being newly AF or with some withdrawal will place on you & therefore your husband. Only you know that.

You for sure are moving in the right direction for yourself, so stay on that path of healing in whatever form you decide. Go inside yourself & you will know what to do.

Peace be with you today...

[roxane]

who to look after, him or me?

chrysa;141426 wrote:
I think a lot depends on how much you have been drinking & how much stress being newly AF or with some withdrawal will place on you & therefore your husband. Only you know that.

...

up to 2 bottles of 12% wine everyday.

having gone AF for two weeks a while back, i know what to expect regarding withdrawal ( i think?)

the last couple of days the weather has been appalling. woke up this morning to a sunny day. i had said last night that i will go for it, and the blue skies are encouraging lol

[Pisces]

who to look after, him or me?

Do it your way

At this time and with what you are dealing with, do it the best way you can, if if that means having a few to numb the pain so be it.

I know if it was me I would be looking for whatever could get me through.

Just remember though, your life will go on, and how you want to live it will become a decision you will make when you are ready to make it.

My love goes to you and your husband.

Jasmin xxx

[Paddy]

who to look after, him or me?

Well, Roxane, you've got a listening ear here.

I can't imagine what you're going through, so I won't bulldust you with any lines, as I frankly haven't been through any of this before. But I have to agree what has been said before. It's probably better to 'keep your senses' and not be on the booze and spend some good quality time with your hubby. Why be 'comfortably numb'? We've spend a great deal of our lives like that anyhow, so it's time to wake up to reality, reason for which we've been looking for websites like these, to deal with the our problem drinking ...
In any case, your hubby needs all your attention now, not the bottle. You'll be alright, Rox.

We're here to here the daily whinge and uplift .. and we'll whinge back, grin ...

[chrysa]

who to look after, him or me?

Hi roxane,
Well go for it then girl...great!!! One day at a time right...and there is no judgement here....
Hope you have a blue sky day all day!!
Peace & Love ~C

PS. what is that withdrawal like?? I don't drink quite that much so I am very curious. Thank you dear.

[Saint Jude]

who to look after, him or me?

Roxanne,
My thoughts & prayers are with you and your hubby.
May peace be with you both.
:l
Judie

[hablur]

who to look after, him or me?

Roxanne,

Do what you feel is best in your heart. I know you want what is best for him and yourself. No one will judge you either way. This is a very tough time. Just try and spend the rest of your time together in love and peace with each other. Just be there sober for him in his last hours. That is for you ... you will need it. I will say a prayer for you and yours tonight and add you guys to my prayer list.

[Guest]

who to look after, him or me?

Roxane,
I first want to say how very sorry I am for your pain...I know first hand how difficult this is. I lost my love companion last April in a car accident and my Mom is currently suffering from cancer. You do the best you can and cherish the moments you have with your husband. AND come ehre when times are rough. We are here to lean on. Many on the site can relate to your situation and will be ehre if you need us.

[Flip]

who to look after, him or me?

I agree with everyone - you have to do what ever you can just to get through this.

My main reason for posting however, is to say that if your GP won't help you - GET A NEW GP!!!!

It is simply appalling that a Dr won't do what ever they can to help a patient!!!

Here's my little story, I don't know if it will help - who knows.

Last year in late October my mother was very sick and nobody could work out what was wrong with her. She wasn't eating and was in a lot of pain. She'd had surgery to remove a cancer from her stomach (matastisized from the kidney).

Dad had been in hospital that week for a cystotosomy for his bladder cancer. He checked himself out early to get home to look after mum. Dad went to get mum some medication from the chemist and locked the keys in the car so instead of catching a cab he walked home and then back again. by the time he got home he was exhausted and went to bed. A week later mum got him to the dr and it turns out that an artery had blocked. He was admitted to hospital, and I got on the plane and flew over (1500 km away). He lasted three days and died quietly in his sleep while the dr's were still trying to work out how best to treat him. Mum got even sicker.

I organised the funeral, my family flew over and we said goodbye to dad a week later. Two days later, mum was admitted to hospital with another tumor, this time in her small intestines and they gave her emergancy surgery. Five days in intensive care and she was ok.

All this time I was drinking like a fish. I was nursing mum, comforting and caring for everyone else with a bad hangover. But I couldn't wait to get back to the quiet of the house and down another bottle or two of red.

Somewhere during that two weeks of hell I realised that I was killing myself as obviously as Dad had killed himself with cigarettes (and probably caused Mum's cancers as well). I vowed that the day I got back home I would stop drinking (I don't think I really believed I would succeed, but tried anyway).

I have succeeded. 6 months on Friday and I feel like I am winning this war.

When I look back at the worst two weeks of my life, when I could do nothing for any of the people I loved most (including my two girls who were at home coping on thier own while I was with mum) I realise that it would have been so much harder emotionally, but so much easier to deal with if only I had been sober.

We drink to ease the discomfort of our emotions, to dull the pain. But the pain won't kill us, it's just uncomfortable. The drink WILL kill us. I am learning to live through the pain of uncomfortable emotions and I am becoming a better, and more aware person.

I LIKE the new me.

Take care of you AND your man. You can do both.

F.

[MDBiker]

who to look after, him or me?

WOW Flip, I am so sorry you had to go through that. it is a tough story, but you are doing such a good job now.

6 Months is GREAT.

Roxane, I still think this is a personal decision you have to make. I am sure you will make the right one.

bear

[angellina]

who to look after, him or me?

Flip...

you just made me come back to my senses .... I have been so depressed the last few days or so. (36 days AF now) and I heard that sometimes the depression sets in, I wanted to say some good things to Roxane, but couldn't think.....with my own 'fog'.

You have really uplifted me - it's true that the pain of being AF won't kill anyone but the alcohol will.

Thank you Flip. :thanks:

Rox, please, I will pray for you and your dear 'OH', he sounds so great too.

Please look after yourself so that you are able to look after him. :l

Remain Blessed,
A -x-

[louise]

who to look after, him or me?

Roxane, I a so sorry to hear about your husband. I have been through that with my mom and my stepdaughter - watching people you love be in pain is terrible. If you can be AF or cut down with the cds and supplements and maybe the topa you probable will be able to be more present for him, but if sometimes you need a drink I certainly will understand. Can you think of it as taking care of both of you? You will be in my thoughts and prayers.