Toxic People

[briseus]

Hey everyone...
I promised myself I would post more instead of entertaining the idea of drinking and this is one of the reasons I want to drink sometimes.
It's people.
So called friends.
Myself.
Mainly those things. Well, myself and so called "people-friends"!
I have been doing well enough and of course I have my share of triggers, I have lost some friends during my sober journey but there are still a few people in my life that I will call toxic.
These people are hard to "unfriend", if you will. For reasons too long to explain here. So how do you deal with toxic people so early in your sobriety? What if you can't avoid them? What if they are the type of people that talk shit about you? Or make little jabs at you via Facebook (and you know it's about you) or any social media platform for that matter because they don't have the balls to tell you to your face?

I have been no saint. I can tell you that much. Giving up booze, I have had my fair share of monster moments where I want to pull my hair out and lay the blame on everyone but myself but I am a smart girl and can see where I can go wrong and change those things around.
But how do you deal with people that you can tell aren't good for you? That are all self-righteous and make you feel small?

How do YOU deal with toxic people??
Most importantly - how do you stop caring about what others think of you. Especially those that pretend to be your friend and don't have your best interests at heart?

[Ginger999]

Toxic People

Ugh... Toxic people, that's hard if they are related. For me, If they aren't related and they are toxic, they are history. I'm too old to tolerate negative, toxic people. I've learned over the years that toxic people bring nothing to the relationship only take away from it so "boom" to the curb they went/go. Now, if they are related it changes the game for me and I have a few in my family. I do a lot of self talk before I have to be around them. Like... "Sticks and stones" kind of stuff. I stay only as long as I absolutely have to. First chance I get, I get away from them. Is any of this right??? I don't have a clue but it is how I deal with it.

[Solitaire]

Toxic People

Dear Bri,
I am a problem solver, so... I just see solutions everywhere!
Please keep In mind that this is only what I did....
Here goes:

So how do you deal with toxic people so early in your sobriety?

I realized that because of my alcoholism, I had very little or no boundaries.
These people should never have been welcome in my life!
When it comes to relatives: I do have manners and will be polite. But there is NO need to allow them into my innermost, ever!


What if you can't avoid them? What if they are the type of people that talk shit about you?

I adopted this: Your opinion of me is only that, your opinion. It is your right, but it has got nothing to do with me.

Or make little jabs at you via Facebook (and you know it's about you) or any social media platform for that matter because they don't have the balls to tell you to your face?

This is the easiest one for me: close the accounts if it holds more negative than positive for me.
And then there always is...... the UNFRIEND button!

But how do you deal with people that you can tell aren't good for you?

I don't want to state the obvious, but.... walk away?

That are all self-righteous and make you feel small?

If they are pushing your buttons, maybe there is still something for you to learn.
But, in early sobriety, I put me 1st, 2nd and 3rd!
So, to get to the 4th place in my reality, there was a queue....


How do YOU deal with toxic people??

Get well yourself, and you might not even notice them anymore...

Most importantly - how do you stop caring about what others think of you. Especially those that pretend to be your friend and don't have your best interests at heart?

It took me a while to find self-worth, self-respect and self-trust.
I am now at a point where I will consider your opinion, of me, politics, the universe, and then decide if it has any value for me, my sobriety and recovery.

Keep going girl!
It is SO worth it!
Hugs from Africa,
Sol xxx

[paulywogg]

Toxic People

Hi Bri,this is an area that i had to get selfish about and actually down right rude sometimes,toxic people have no room in your life,like Solitaire said when drinking we let some horrible people in our lives,because we ain't thinking straight,i had many drinking buddies who i thought were true friends,overlooked some of the horrible things they did or said,cuz i just wanted to party,i had to let these people go,flat out told them to stay away

[mama bear]

Toxic People

ditto what everyone else said honey

[Byrdlady]

Toxic People

Great words by all....
I'm like Ginger, if they are a friend and I realize they are on the toxic list, I avoid them. Yes, it is a choice...you have a choice in this. I don't associate with 'friends' who contaminate me.

Family, however, will drive you nuts! I am dealing with that right now....my best choice is to do what I have to and no more. My family will suck the life out of me if I let them...so the best choice is to stay away.

It's sort of like when you are playing a sport...you always want to be with someone better because that improves YOUR game. People are no different, I associate with those that do something to improve how I feel about me.

You get to choose friends. Family? UGG......B

[j-vo]

Toxic People

Hi Bri,
Such great advice given here. I would say also, that if they are threatening your sobriety, and they are not family, don't associate with them. If someone is doing or saying those things about you, they are not a friend anyhow. Don't let these people make you feel bad about yourself. I like what Solitaire said that if someone wants to have an opinion of you, that's their business. But to throw it out there for all to see, DELETE them. UNFRIEND them. Associate with people who you like to be with, not people that bring you down. Most importantly, protect your sobriety.

[Ginger999]

Toxic People

Bri, See all the non-toxic friends you have right here!?! You can do this, girl. Clean that closet out!

[briseus]

Toxic People

Thank you everyone.
Great advice as always.
My family isn't driving me nuts so much as my boyfriends family does from time to time. That's a whole other story in itself.
I have definitely lost some friends where they just literally dropped off the face of the earth and I didn't hear from them again. I tried to reconnect but to no avail. I figure after putting forth effort it's probably better to let go.
There are others where I just don't know....
There is also a part of me. A negative part. Where I keep telling myself it's all my own fault. That I am a selfish bitch and no wonder no one likes me or would talk shit about me. I know I have a lot of learning and growing to do especially considering for the past five years I did none of that. :/
I need to definitely forget the toxic people and distance myself from them or it will jeopardize my sobriety.
But I am also getting bored and making up scenarios in my head. For example. I have a girlfriend, we talk every single day and then yesterday she didn't write me once - none the less I didn't write her either - but I sat there thinking it was something that I did. And was anxious and worried all night.
Turns out she had company all day.
I am just unsure of what I should do...and thankfully I have you guys (non-toxic friends as Ginger said!) that have helped me see a bit of the light as to which direction I need to now go down so thank you!

I also need to start being a better friend too.

[Ginger999]

Toxic People

All of this life is a continual learning proccess. I'm a completely different person than I was when I was 20, 30, even 40 years old. I've been making and remaking myself all along this life journey. You sound like me when I was in my 30s. You'll find your strength of self. Just keep staying AF and coming here. I've never seen so many wise people in one place before. Read their posts and learn what they are willing to teach you. You will come out stronger and more confident! Have a great day!

[K9Lover]

Toxic People

I completely removed myself from all social media...and I don't mean I "deactivated" my Facebook account, I DELETED it...it takes 14 days because they try to reel you back in...

I figure my real friends will call or email me, not send a random generic shout out on some overrated media page.