Making Changes

[momofthree]

Well, I've tried so many times to quit. I was able to go a week here and a week there, but always went back. I've found that my main trigger is actually my Mother, sad as that is to say. I am so disappointed in her lack of wanting to be with my children actually heartbreaking. Really, we stayed here and my husband has been travelling a long distance back and forth to work so our kids could be closer to their grandparents and that's just not happening and in turn we are missing out on our time with him.

We have decided to throw in the towel and we have our house for sale and we're moving away from here and closer to his job. I've been stressed out so much with such a large decision and the move is happening very soon, and for that I am grateful. This change needs to happen, I need to be away from the scene here. I can't deal with the way she makes me feel on a daily basis anymore, maybe some distance is what's needed. I know more family time is definitely needed, we don't even get family dinners together because he is always on the road going back and forth.

So... last night I drank a bottle, got up feeling bad, took three Tylenol and I've been drinking water ever since. And I honestly have no desire to get anymore. Bottles are all cleared from the house and I am determined once again. I'm not going to give up, I don't want to give up, I will beat this.

[available]

Making Changes

There comes a time Mom when you have to think of yourself and family. If your mother does not want to be part of the family then it is her loss and maybe being away from her will make the heart grow fonder. I have had to let a lot of anger and hurt go to become sober. I have had to forgive myself and family to move on. I wont forget a lot of things but i have to forgive or it will eat at me which leads me to drink AT that person which leads me to being hurt and angry and ashamed and they go along their own merry way.

keep on here and focus on what is important to you at the moment. concentrate on your mother later, much later when you are ready. She is not going anywhere and make last night the last time you drank AT her.

you will beat this Mom, i finally managed to be af and i never regret putting in the effort and time and determination and will to get to where i am today and i never ever want to be back to where i was.

[momofthree]

Making Changes

She says she doesn't know how she's going to be with the kids so far away, which confuses me as she rarely takes them or does anything with them. Us moving away shouldn't make that big a change for them. There are always excuses why she doesn't take them, or she just flat out says No. And it's been adding up, and adding up and just crushing my heart. I try talking to her and she feels there is nothing wrong, you can't have a discussion with a person who feels they are right in everything they do. And I do get angry, and hurt and I drink AT her, you are right. And it only makes me feel worse.

My kids, my husband, my health and mental well being are far more important then a woman who can't see past her own wants.

[available]

Making Changes

She is putting guilt onto you just by saying what she did. you do what is right for you. my mum and i were at breaking point and i went on a holiday with her in April thinking it was going to be a holiday from hell. Suprisingly being sober it was a great holiday, we mended a lot of bridges with me being sober. She is old and cranky and a bitch but when i was constantly hungover and ashamed and guilty and then i had to deal with her then everything she said i took offense at. We are slowly getting our relationship back now i am not drinking.

I think being sober we are also more approachable. Im not saying this to make you feel guilty but being sober puts a whole new perspective on things also and we deal with situations differently. You moving may actually bring you closer as time goes by. I am actually going to visit my mum for 4 days at the end of july and i have not been to visit her at her place in 9 years, she has always come to me. Pretty selfish of me i think now.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Making Changes

Mom of Three...

wow, Ava really hit it on the head, didn't she? She's full of wisdom. I never thought about how I used to drink AT things, but that is so true. In the meantime, what is your plan to stay alcohol free? Do you have a good, alternative drink to put into your hand at night? Cranberry juice with sparkling water, and a twist of lime may be a good option. Ice cream. Yogurt smoothies. Plan it.

I wish I could have a re-do with my relationship with my mom, but it wasn't until the last year of her life that I realized that we had crossed our wires. I often assumed I knew what she was thinking/feeling, and I found out as I got older through my dad that my thoughts were WRONG. The good news is that when my mom passed away, we had finallly figured it out. Having a grown up relationship with a mom is hard, but I've learned to make sure I'm more transparent with my grown daughter. Your mom being passive-aggressive is hard to manage through, but don't let her kill your Quit.

Protect your Quit.

:h Patty