Anger / Trigger

[angellina]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky,

i know what you mean - whenever I argue with hubby I want to go straight to shops and buy my usual 3 litre bottle of cider !!! mmmm can just taste it now - but the enjoyment today may kill me tomorrow. Doesn't taste sooo nice now????

Just keep on fighting man, it's worth it in the end.
A-x-

[julie001]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky,

Ditto what everyone else has said. Hang in there! Besides you'll just give them ammunition to use against you next time. Sometimes when I can't find anything else to distract me, I just go to bed and sleep. Deep breaths...You can do this!

Julie

[Mags]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky
I have read your posts so many times and you are a real inspiration to me. I am so sorry for all of the challenges that you face now. Keep strong. Keep posting. We are all with you.
:h :h :h :h

[Guest]

Anger / Trigger

Stay strong...you can do this...

[gabby]

Anger / Trigger

topa helps with the mood thing. calming for me.

[Rocky]

Anger / Trigger

Well, thanks everyone, I did make it through last night...got home and had to do some repairs around the house...you ever have your closet rod and shelves all collapse and pull out of the wall and all fall on the floor...and then when I left for work yesterday my automatic garage door broke... half up and half down...
so that kept me occupied last night

My biggest challenge and one I had not faced yet since being AF was that five years ago today at 2am I got that horrible call that my son was killed in a car accident, at the age of 21. Every year since then I have drank myself to oblivion on that eve. I miss him so much, I want to hug him one more time. Today i am a mess
So if you are able..give your kids a big hug for me.

God bless you all, and thanks for the encouragement yesterday!

[amethyst]

Anger / Trigger

Ah, Rocky....what to say? Those late night phone calls are terrible things. I am so sorry for your loss, and send you hugs and prayers. You are doing amazingly well. Anger is one trigger, but these horrible annivesaries, they are a whole different kida thing. You have been a true Rock around here- I hope you receive some solace from others words and support for you. God bless and keep you, friend.

[buffy]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky...my heart is breaking for your loss....that is my worst nightmare. I have a 20 yr old daughter that has totaled 1 car, and caused major damage to 2 others. When the phone rings at night I automatically panic. I used to drink at night because she was out and I couldn't sleep at night with the worry. She has to go to school and work or I would take the car away from her. God Bless you...what a dangerous world we live in....

[southernbelle47]

Anger / Trigger

Hey Rock....
Even Jesus didn't have to live with inlaws!!

I kinda understand the feeling of fear that comes when we are confronted with the posibility of losing a child. I haven't lost one to death yet but the fear is very real for us.
Our son is once again training to go back to Iraq in the fall.
When he was there in 03, we got up everyday thinking that may be the day the car pulls into the driveway with the news that our son was dead.

That fear will shut you down and defeat any purpose our lives may have if we let it.
You have been throught the fear and grief part and now you have years left to use for some purpose.
I really admire that you have been able to not sedate your pain and are working and living in a very hard situation.....as I said even Jesus didn't live with inlaws!
You're a good man, Rocky.......love yourself and do things that feed that man....

One last thing I would like to share....
When I am faced with thoughts of loosing my son... I keep coming back to the thought of how hard it must have been for our Father to stand by and watch His Son die for us......ALL of us...the grateful and ungrateful alike...He loves us ALL the same..He surely understands......and He is always Faithful to hold me when I cry and need Him....there is no human on earth that can do that for me....BTW.....He is big enought to handle all our anger...let Him have it...

Bless you Rocky
Nancy "Be still and know Him"

[gabby]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky, I wish I could hug you huge right now. I am so sorry for your pain. I read your post nearly as soon as it was there and couldnt get myself to reply right away cuz it bothered me so much.:upset:

I cant blame you one single bit for wanting to get slammed. I hope you dont tho.

I too just cry my eyes out catching myself living out the worry of losing one of my sons. The thought can become so realistic. Yet I absoultly can't imagine what that must have been like to be in your shoes. The anniversary must be aweful. I bet that is a lot of what has made you so much on edge lately. Who could blame you on that too. Its good that you post. I hope there is someone you can talk it out with too. But then again you may not want to - understandable as well.

I hope something - somehow makes you feel better today. Just one little thing that will remind you of a postitive thing of your son. If you could just know that he sees you and wishes you not to be sad. But instead live the rest of your life good and happy.

I really do believe that you will feel his presence and love again one day.

My mom is gone now too. I miss her so much too. Even tho its been a while. Sometimes....as silly as it may sound, but when I really really want it....I ask GOD for a visit from her. And sometimes....I guess when he thinks I really really need it.....ya know what.....he gives it to me. I may have a really cool dream about her or something cool. Usually right before I wake up in the morning. Its not really like a dream tho. It really is like a visit. It is the warmest nicest feeling - one that I just usually dont go around gettin. Seems like I have to ask for it tho. And almost surrender to it. Like I put my heart and soul out there in the engery of life and just say....here I am....I really want the visit. If your cryin....I am with you. I know...I'm a nut. But if it gets me a visit from my mom when I need it the most....I'll be a nut. This has worked for me several times over the years.

Anyway.....give it a try. I hope and pray it will work for you too. If its right....it will. If later is better then you'll have to wait. But it can happen.

Rocky.....keep holden up. Even when the road is rocky....just take the punches....and keep on goin. I tell myself that every day.

hugs and loves.....

[SKendall]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky, you are such an inspiration. Don't give in.

[lushy]

Anger / Trigger

Rocky, my heart goes out to you. That is a pain that is unfathomable.

[cassy]

Anger / Trigger

Hi Rocky
hope the moment passes...wish i could practice wwhat i preach..getting about 4 -5 days AF now weekly but a long way to go.. I look to you AF people for inspiration plus all those moderating.

its fab to have such honest and spiritual people around on this site...we all need each other . I,ve read your posts many times and been inspired..keep posting and good luck

regards Cassy

[paula]

Anger / Trigger

Oh Rocky, I am so sad for you. My nephew died of leukaemia 18 years ago
and my brother and his wife have learned to live with the loss, but my brother
says that when he wakes on a morning Lee is the first person he thinks of,
and the last person before he goes to sleep. My brother like you has great
faith. I pray for Lee every night I will also pray for your boy.
God bless.Paula.
" Jesus did not come to do away with suffering or remove it.
He came to fill it with his presence"

[Rocky]

Anger / Trigger

I just want to thank everyone for your support, kind words and prayers.
Through this all...I have "Hope" and that hope is reflected in my posts on the "What we Believe Forum" I will see my son again!

The difficult feelings that this brings to light are how decisions I made in the past were factors in history and how events unfold. If I had not left one particular job, if I had not moved, if I had not gotten divorced when my kids were so young, if they had gone to a different school, if they had different friends, if...The past can not be changed, but its worth saying that we must think through decisions as to their impact on ourselves as well as our children. I think my children always hated or resented me and their mother because we got divorced...
Today we can change the past for the tomorrows that are ahead.
Life is not about the things we have, its about knowing why we are here and fulfilling that purpose (see more in What we believe forum)

So you know Alcohol is so deceitful to us and it sucks us in and our kids and families and robs us of "Life" finally seeing that, I despise it and even despising it, it has the ability to tempt me still as a way to escape...escape for a season, until its harvest crashes down on you and you realize you are a wreck. ending up as A "no-count"...your life will account for nothing, as Alcohol robs you of Life itself....

So here we are, and I'm so thankful for MWO and RJ's willingness to have given of her self to help others from her own sufferings and learning on how to put these tools and program together to help others, and this teaches me to do the same, if I am able.

Well, I did make it through yesterday remaining AF, and so once again thank you all so much.

Rocky