My mistake

[chilli]

chilli
Member Join Date: May 2007
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 65
Gallery: 0

My mistake

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HI everyone,
Thanks for the support, apparently i got the days mixed up, so my son told me when he got home from school i was on day 7 not 5 so today is day 8(no wonder it felt like forever)
Baby steps'
Well had a shit nights sleep, woke up about 4am crying in my sleep, then proceded to cry for another hour, god i think i will start drinking again the emotions are really freaking me out, i guess the booze was holding a lot back, not only that my skin has turned to crap, did anyone have these problems?
All my life i have been trying to make people like me, even my family , last night i must have been dreaming about it. The problem with wanting people to like you, is that you tend to put up with the wrong people, so since i realized that the people in my life were happier when i was a complete mess, i have re-thought who i should have as friends, and guess what not too many left.
A lot of my friends went when my partner an i split, funny even though they knew that he was mentaly and physicaly abusive, really finding hard to understand, i guess i must not be very likeable, feeling pretty alone right now, and now i have lost my best friend of all
Al- Alcohol. NO more numbing the feelings, god what a ride.
Its so hard to wake up every day and keep going, wondering why people dont like you, i just dont know what i am doing wrong,surley out of those 70 people that came to my 40th bithday some of them wernt pretending to be my friend because of Glenn, why cant i see what they see. anyway enought depression, sorry guys just venting. Hope everyone is doing well have a great day talk again soon
chilli

[Guest]

My mistake

Chile...honey....you have to love you FIRST, then you worry about friends...work on you and the kids and then move on to friends and external relationships. Take baby steps honey, don't overwhelm yourself. Emotions will be sensitive and high for a little while. Give yourself space and time to sort through them all. You can do this. Hooray for all your AF days!

[imatree]

My mistake

Chilli - I am so impressed that even feeling as deeply troubled as you are you are not resorting to drink.
It sounds to me like you are in a genuine depression. I know the condition well. Are you up for asking your doc for antidepressants? If not, St. Johns Wort is a natural herb and works well.
I'm not disregarding your pain of feeling alone and wondering where the friends went. I understand that completely. Now, however, your first priority is your healing and recovery.

[julie001]

My mistake

Chilli,

First of all, congrats on 8 days AF! I know where you are coming from...you should be elated after so many days AF, yet your sad and anxious. I can so sympathize with all that you are feeling. When I first started cutting back drinking, I was even more depressed than normal. I had huge skin issues too (all those toxins coming to the surface). Thankfully, that only lasted a few weeks. I made a counseling appointment, saw my doctor for a prescription for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine and just kept logging on here. Your rough nights will come to an end as time passes. My worst anxiety was in the night when I woke up. I think its impossible to not have self-esteem issues when we abuse ourselves with alcohol. Whether we had poor self-esteem before or not, it is surely in shambles after trying to mask our problems with alcohol. I'm glad that you came here to vent. You deserve major kudos for all of your AF days. That is so much to be proud of. Take special care of yourself. Reward yourself with a movie, some yummy snacks, and some comfy jammies. The good feelings will eventually outweigh the bad. Take care.

Julie

[louise]

My mistake

Chilli, Congratulations on 8 days. That is really something given you just lost your dad. I think sometimes when a couple breaks up peopel don't know what to do because they are used to seeing them together so they end up not seeing either person. I think this is your understandable depression talking - I'm sure there are lots of people that like you and you deserve to be very proud of yourself.

[Prest4time]

My mistake

Chilli --
All such great advice here, I learned a lot myself! I too think it is an amazing testimony to your commitment to beat this thing, as you have demonstrated such resolve in the face of what I think I personally would have used as a license to over do it. Many of us would. But your story is such an encouragement to me. See? You are helping and encouraging and you probably didnt even know it!

Thanks to you, I stuck to one glass of wine tonight and now feel guilty that I indulged at all b/c I was upset about something.

I can identify with the depression, and yes it means no alcohol is facing life without our best friend there. Its scary. But alcohol is never your friend in the end. I think your body chemistry is undergoing a major shift now for the good... cleaning out toxins, working out sleep patterns, etc. Just think of it as "the biggest loser" contest! The more fat (or in our case alcohol) that you can get rid of, the better you will feel when the weight is off and you are finally a slim, sexy size 4! But those people on that show go through hell to get there!! No potato chips! Sorry... but that is an analogy I use on myself often.

We should start our own show! Can you see it now?? Just play that show out as a reality show in your mind, and I think you will laugh!

Hope you feel better soon!