That was weird....counseling appointment...

[briseus]

How do you guys deal with odd appointments? I had one yesterday...my 6th one or something like that...and I left with an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. That I probably wouldn't come back because the counselor made me feel like I wasn't doing enough - it honestly sounded as if this person genuinely felt like I was on my way to relapse because I stopped going to AA a couple of weeks ago.
A few things were also said by this person where I sat and though "where did THAT come from??"....I don't know.

How do you deal with difficult appointments? It wasn't like it was a breakthrough appointment, where I needed to hear some tough love advice. It was...it wasn't as comfortable as past appointments and to me, the counselor made me feel like I was doing something wrong in my path to sobriety. I dunno...

This might not make sense. I didn't get a lot of sleep...and I am dealing with a lot of shit coming up on five months but I just needed to get this off my chest somehow.

[Byrdlady]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Bris,
I guess we've all had a few of 'those kinds of appointments'. I am a SALESPERSON by trade, so you know I'm not a doctor of any sort. But I DO study behavior...specifically, I study the behavior of people on this site. I try to spot TRENDS. I see what the long termers do and I see what the folks who struggle do. I've been here since 2010 and there are a couple of trends that I see. In fact, I get PM's from folks now who say they can spot relapse coming in others now! It's like watching someone walk into a propeller. All we can do is WARN the person, right?

When people come here they are in the PITS of despair. We say 'I'll do ANYTHING to stop this madness!' (except give up booze!) So once we finally realize that AL IS THE PROBLEM and get that out, we begin to slack off on the work that brought us to this place of recovery. The posts get fewer and fewer. When the person does post, it is to say that life isn't as great sober as they thought....they still have problems....issues are piling up, etc, etc, etc..... They are, in essence, setting us up for their fall. This is a trend I see over and over and over.

I looked back at your posts and they are getting fewer and fewer. Maybe your counselor was seeing the same trend in your real life as we notice on here. Once you lose sight of your support systems (AA or MWO) it is likely you are going to fall back on your old one...ALCOHOL!! We get complacent in our sobriety...we think 'I've got this now, all I have to do is not drink....ok, fine' but I tell you, I've seen it too many times to count, the folks who drift away from the Mother Ship fall back into the habit. It happens way more times than it doesn't. If you aren't getting SOBER support from someone, relapse is likely. I can say that as an addict myself the thoughts of being tethered to a support group the rest of my life doesn't sound like fun. But I can also tell you that as an addict, being tethered to a bottle is a lot less fun. In fact, contributing to MWO every day is a small price to pay for my continued sobriety. The world out there is full of DRINKERS and they want you to drink, too. It takes every tool in our arsenal to combat that.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but what if your counselor is right? Maybe you are offended because he/she is right to be concerned. I hope that you cinch your lifeline up a notch and hold on with everything you've got, because it's a 1000 times easier to maintain your quit than to start over. Just look at the threads that address this issue. They all have the same common denominator....they drifted away from their support! Life does throw shit at us sometimes, but we have to deal with it, like regular people do. Sort it out, one day at a time. My quit is my #1 priority and I am willing to put the time into it to sustain it.

There are some warning signs and your counselor would be foolish for not calling your attention to them! Wouldn't you agree with that?

I make no secret of the fact that the Newbie's Nest is the best therapy there is to help you keep your quit. Seeing folks fly in who are scared and unsure and to be able to help them is the best way to ensure the safely of your own quit. We are ONE drink away from relapse and I am well aware of that. I'm not going to let that happen and it is MY choice. I do whatever it takes to protect my quit. If it takes some time each day, then that is ok. It's better than a lifetime wasted on being a drunk.

I hope your next session is better! Reach out anytime, if I can do anything to help! Byrdie

[briseus]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Hey Byrdie,
Thanks very much for the post.

I am going to have to disagree with you though - I in no way have any sort of desire to drink, nor do I crave it. Does the thought cross my mind? Sure. But it doesn't mean I am going to drink.
I guess I should have given a bit more detail as to how this appointment actually went.
I personally don't feel like just because I don't go to AA doesn't mean I don't have a support system. I chose to stop going to AA because I was not getting anything out of it. I went there twice a week for 3 months and for the first twenty minutes we did the 12 steps and 12 traditions...I even went up and read them out to everyone myself, but if you were to ask me what one of the steps were I would probably give you one of the ten commandments. It wasn't sinking in and it wasn't helping me in my recovery. I guess I am just one of those people that simply cannot relate to the philosophy of AA - but that is my journey, my path of recovery - to do it a different way. I'm not knocking it, it's just not for me.
My posts have always been sort of infrequent. I am not a big 'sharer' (lol, I don't believe that's even a word). Of course I used to post more frequently in the past because I was in the 'depths of despair' and I was still actively drinking and I *knew* in the back of my mind that I was going to drink again. I am no longer thinking that way anymore.
Plus the spam on this site sometimes gets a little crazy and I think I may have mentioned in the past that I also frequent other recovery forums.
Anyways. I don't feel like I need to explain myself...I just disagree with you that if I don't go to AA or don't go to this particular site that I am on the road to potential relapse. I do know EXACTLY what you are saying though and I completely understand that this has happened in the past with other people.
When I say that she was saying things that irked me it were things along the lines of 'you don't seem like you are listening/understanding what I am saying" - really?? I was staring her straight in the eye listening to every word she was saying!
Constantly looking at the clock above my head behind me (nice), and basically making it sound like because I wasn't taking the time off work to go to an outpatient program that I wasn't serious enough about my sobriety - I am serious about my sobriety...I am also serious about keeping my job.
I am not offended by what she said, but I also don't appreciate when someone knocks at the door in the middle of a session and she allows a complete stranger stand there to ask her about her window that won't close and then stare straight at me with plain judgement on their face because he knows he's fixing windows at an addictions centre and "hey!! there's an addict!!"
Not professional. Not cool.
I also think it's funny that she said to me that I need to maybe go to AA and find some people to chat with and connect with and if they relapse then hey, let that person go and move onto the next one.
Well, shucks...I didn't know that we just use people now to get by!
I didn't like the way she said that...

There is a balance in life...where now we have to live life on life's term. I get that. When does life start becoming 'normal' where I don't have people saying to me "well, you have been skipping breakfast the past few days, you need to be careful because that might lead to a relapse" orrrr "you only been sleeping 5 hours the past week instead of your usual 8...I'm afraid that will lead to a relapse". NO. Not everything is going to lead to a relapse and then again maybe EVERYTHING might lead to a relapse.

Sorry....but...I just wanted to clear that up...get that off my chest.
My initial post was basically just about the fact that I'm not exactly enamored with this counselor...and I didn't explain myself properly.
I actually went into the appointment feeling pretty positive the first time in quite a while and it was unfortunate that when I left I felt like I was brought back down.

I may not post habitually - but I am on this site every single day, reading all the threads, on the newbie's nest and protecting my quit as fiercely as I can at this point.

Thanks.

[briseus]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

I hope I didn't come across as being crazy - that wasn't my intention.
I just don't want people to assume that I am on the potential road to that proverbial propeller because I am not going to AA - I have a great support system outside of knowing people that have gone through what I have. I just want to have some sort of semblance as well of a 'normal' life (whatever that is) that doesn't have people telling me that I am not 'working' it because at that point it would have become second nature.
I was just disconcerted with the way that my appointment had gone with this particular person yesterday - I have another counselor who is supportive through and through and I just don't think she would have allowed the session to go the path that this one yesterday had. Maybe it wasn't anyone's day yesterday. But I also don't appreciate it when a person looks at me with such consummate faithlessness because I am not able to fit into the mold that they believe every single addict should just fit in to. Just the same way she doesn't believe forums are helpful..oh! They help if you have a support system like AA, but not on it's own.
Which I totally disagree with. I owe A LOT of my sobriety to all you people and this site.

[briseus]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

I decided to delete my last two messages because I came across as defensive and I am unsure why. Actually I do know why, I am just an angry person lately.
You are absolutely right in everything you are saying Byrdie - we need to hold on to it with everything that we got and we need to protect our quit.
I don't believe because I am infrequently posting that I am on the road to relapse.
I just believe that the way that the appointment went (her watching the clock, her making it blatantly seem like she was uninterested in being there, her telling me what I *should* and *should not* be doing aka, "you need go back to AA so you don't relapse" - "forums won't just help you") was not productive and wasn't beneficial to me or my road to recovery.
I will speak with my other counselor on this issue as well.

But I definitely am not going anywhere near that propeller nor am I remotely close to it at this point in time.

Thanks.
Bri

[red67]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Hi Bri,

I see alot of my early sobriety in you. There is no one way to do this correctly and each of us takes a different path but with the same goal in the end.

At my 4 month mark of sobriety I went to a new AA meeting that I had not been to before. I explained how I was accomlishing my goals of not drinking (using MWO, engaging in new activities and staying away from drinking activities etc). The leader proceeded to berate me for not following the 12 steps and said I was doomed to relapse without AA. He told me I was a dry drunk and that I would never truly be in recovery until I fully embraced AA. I was LIVID! I knew what I was doing was working and I was not ever going to drink again. I left that meeting so disgusted but I knew how I was truly doing in my own recovery. Don't let that counselor determine your path. AA is not for everyone and honestly I just could not handle the constant relapsers in the meetings I had attended. For me it was more discouraging to go to meetings and see people who were there for YEARS and still had not attained long term sobriety.

You know in your heart if what you are doing is working. If you truly know you will not drink no matter what, you know it. I knew it from the first day of my quit. I still read here everyday to keep my sober journey my priority, but like you I do not post frequently. Other than that, I live my life like a normal person would. I go to work, spend time with my family (who are not drinkers), enjoy activities that do not involve drinking and just enjoy life.

I am 3 years and almost 4 months sober and I did it my way. Only you know how you truly feel, and the biggest thing is to be honest with yourself. If you feel weak or that what you are doing is not working make sure you do something before you take a drink.

Like Byrdie said, it is a 100% easier to protect your quit than to start over.

Stay strong and don't get discouraged.

[daisy45]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Bri, is it that the counsellor cannot believe that you can do it through an online forum? She could be blinkered to other options.....and that would be frustrating to listen to.....AA or the highway!
Everyone is different....what works for one may not for another.
Why not sit down and be honest with how you felt this last session went and why you are annoyed.......it could well help both of you understand and move forward more positively....
And, you are doing great!

[briseus]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Thank you guys for your honest responses.
I do understand that the counselor needs to bring up points where she think I may be on the path to some sort of a relapse. But this only came about when I said that I chose to stop going to AA for a bit. I never said I was never going again.
I mean, the appointment started well enough until I began questioning some of the things that she was saying. I only did that so that I could educate myself more because I genuinely wanted to know her thoughts. Not because I was being difficult.
I definitely don't like it and will push away from individuals who say to me, like you mentioned Daisy, "AA or the highway".

I honestly, whole heartedly believe that what I am doing, is working...for ME. We are all not one and the same. So yes, Red, I agree with you and understand what you are saying. Where I know in my heart the path that I am on is working for me. I am aware of the signs and when I don't understand or question anything then I automatically come here to ask you all.
I may not post daily but I am here every single day reading all the threads.

I think what I was offended by the most during this appointment was the fact that my counselor kept glancing at the clock - which is annoying!! To say the least...

Byrdie, I hope you are not upset with me. It just sounds like you think I am on the path to relapse and honestly, I couldn't feel farther from it.
I think you know that I have voiced my fears about complacency in early sobriety but I work my quit every day. There is always something that I do do to protect it and make sure that I don't stray.
If I do, or if I think about it, I am the first one to come on here and let people know. I have done that in the past. Even though I was embarrassed by it I still came on here and told people "well, I drank again".
But again, this time, I know in my heart it is different.
I'll keep working my thing.

Bri.

[daisy45]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

I can't think of a situation where it is ok for a counsellor to clock-watch during a scheduled appointment!

[Byrdlady]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Gosh, Bris, I am not upset at all, I am thrilled to have just read that you are strong with conviction and firm with your quit!!! Honestly! I was just worried that you were distancing from support, but the clarification you gave us makes all the sense in the world. We all have to find our paths and while we may not always know exactly what is is, we sure know what isnt, and thats just as important.
Thank you elaborating! Byrdie

[YouKayBee]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

What sort of counsellor is this?what model/theory does she practice/is she qualified in?

I'd be going back explaining how she left you feeling - just because someone is a Dr/counsellor/professional doesn't mean you can't question and in counselling this type of feedback can be useful for both of you and most especially your recovery.

[Alky]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Hi Bri, I am in intensive outpatient therapy and weekly individual therapy and many times, I have left with an uncomfortable gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach because I am forced to confront feelings and situations that precipitated drinking binges in the past. Is it possible that the same thing happened with your counseling appointment? For example, I know I was upset when my therapist told me in group about the ways my love for the effects of alcohol continue to come across even though I'm not even necessarily conscious of it. It really bugged me at the time, being a difficult truth to face.

Also, you mentioned you quit going to AA. Had you taken the time to find a sponsor and >REALLY< work the steps? Just attending meetings accomplishes very little, in my experience. As addicts, the more people we are accountable to, the better. I am accountable to my sponsor, everyone in my intensive outpatient group, my therapist, my two psychiatrists, a few close friends I have made on this forum and other assorted acquaintances from AA. In short, I have no shortage of people who I can call and confide in when I'm feeling weak. I think one of the big reasons the relapse rate on this forum is so high is a lack of understanding about the importance of a strong support network and surrounding yourself with as many people as possible that will hold you accountable.

By the way, congratulations on the five months. That is tremendous. Beyond 90 days, I think it gets easier, and you're well past that.

[Pavati]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Hi, Bri:

When I have a weird conversation or get a weird feeling from my counselor, I always say something. After all, she is just a human also, and our relationship is founded on good communication. I hope you can get a good answer from yours as to what she was up to, and why she was looking at the clock. She may have had something else going on in her life that was totally unrelated to you. (not that it is professional for her to do it in any case, but that's another story).

I am glad to hear you're feeling strong in your quit and that you're not worried about relapse. I am always thinking about how to avoid relapse, and as Byrdie says, stepping away from sober communities is a sign of complacency that often is a pre-warning sign of relapse (I have read A LOT about this topic). Even though you are feeling great, I hope you DO keep up with some group, humans, whatever it takes. I know not the question you asked, but since we were on the topic.

Glad to see you here!
Pav

[spiritwolf333]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Bri -Just the fact that you are posting here about an uncomfortable situation says it all.
There is something that this person said to you that awakes your inner thought.

Only you know what the message is really about. Some quiet time to you your self -by your self will come the answer(s) that you probably already know. Just a thought.

Peace to You.

[Sunbeam]

That was weird....counseling appointment...

Hi Bri,
Everyone here is offering their best perspective. You are the best judge of what is working for you. This is a good time to pause and reflect: what exactly is working for you? What have you learned from this counselor? I give a lot of gardening advice. After several classes and conversations, I feel like some people may have gotten all they will from me. Maybe that happens in counseling, maybe you would learn more from a new person.