I've been fixated on the subject of people-pleasing lately. I know it contributed not only to my alcoholism, but to my general dissatisfaction with life. Since I have spent most of my life trying to please others, I simply couldn't understand why others didn't spend as much time trying to please me. That's when feelings get hurt, and relationships suffer. It was such an ingrained habit that I didn't even realize that I was doing it. But, I've had an epiphany this past week.. My oldest friend (not a people-pleaser in the least, but a lovely person) said something profound to me recently. She said, "Snap out of it! They're not mind readers. Tell them what you want. Tell them what you need. Then if they ignore you, it's on them, not you."
Simple advice to most, but to me - life altering. I realized that my loved ones have no obligation to read my mind and then find a way to "please" me. But in some odd way, that's what I expected.
I have sounded off so many times about my sons. And yes, they can be very inconsiderate at times. Then I remember back to being their age, and cringe at how unthoughtful I could be at times. So, I took her advice and I texted almost every member of my family this week and invited them to get together. The response was overwhelming. Last night, I had dinner with my oldest son and his girlfriend. Today, I saw my youngest son, and my nephews.
The point of the story is...when I voiced my upset about not seeing all of them enough, they were shocked. My nephew said, "we didn't know we were invited." OMG. Talk about miscommunication.
So I encourage all the lonely people out there to be brave and reach out. I was afraid of rejection, so I stayed silent and seething. Now I see that I had to meet them 50% of the way .A long way to go, but feeling better already. One less reason to drink
Simple advice to most, but to me - life altering. I realized that my loved ones have no obligation to read my mind and then find a way to "please" me. But in some odd way, that's what I expected.
I have sounded off so many times about my sons. And yes, they can be very inconsiderate at times. Then I remember back to being their age, and cringe at how unthoughtful I could be at times. So, I took her advice and I texted almost every member of my family this week and invited them to get together. The response was overwhelming. Last night, I had dinner with my oldest son and his girlfriend. Today, I saw my youngest son, and my nephews.
The point of the story is...when I voiced my upset about not seeing all of them enough, they were shocked. My nephew said, "we didn't know we were invited." OMG. Talk about miscommunication.
So I encourage all the lonely people out there to be brave and reach out. I was afraid of rejection, so I stayed silent and seething. Now I see that I had to meet them 50% of the way .A long way to go, but feeling better already. One less reason to drink
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