Domestic violence

[angellina]

Domestic violence

Hi Kitty,

In 2 days you have 9 pages of postings - does this not tell you something?

Please I did community nursing (health visiting in London) with women in hostels running away from domestic violence, listen - these men NEVER stop and they NEVER stop at 'just' hitting in the end it leads to death. I have seen and heard it and helped people suffering it.

Get out, don't look back, go where he can't find you, get your relatives to tell him they don't know where you are.
There are loads of domestic violence websites, your local council or health centre can give you advice on refuges/ hostels.

Not that these men need an excuse but he doesn't even have alcohol or drugs as an excuse or even that he loses control because of these things, so he is doing these things to you in a completely rational physical and mental state.
Please, leave, please leave before you get pregnant as domestic violence usually gets worse during the pregnancy.

I am sorry if I am very blunt but look how many people have written in 2 days?

love Angellina -x-

[I Like Brandy]

Domestic violence

Preset4time;

I agree with what you said....AND DO NOT FEAR FOR MY SAFETY, MY HUBBY KNOWS WHEN I AM OVER THERE AND I'LL SPARE THE REST OF THE STORY. My safety isn't an issue.

My friend has been with this man over 10 years of abuse. When I lived next door before I moved out 3 years ago..It was the same story..I am more involved now because of my helping to treat the infection she has from the C-Section.

The church already told her during her pregnancy get rid of him and they are there to help..

End of Story,,
Brandy

[I Like Brandy]

Domestic violence

Louise;

I just read your post!! KUDO'S TO YOU..

You are my type of GAL!

Too bad Kitty's boyfriend and my friends hubby were not in the way of the VA Tech shooting..

But, like I posted, I lived next door for a number of years, and I knew about the abuse, I tried to talk to her once 3 years ago before I moved and she explained it away, him being tired, overworked, worried about finances, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..So I felt her head was in the sand. I am very involved now because I have to maintain vitals, change bandage and treat the infection with a sterile solution. The RN from the visiting nurse handles the rest.

Hope everything is ok with Kitty!!

Brandy

[Ripley]

Domestic violence

Kitty Hi - just checking in on you

you make sure you get out SOON... I have just left my husband of 11 years after giving him 3 lovely kids- it does NOT get better, it gets worse. DO NOT CONFIDE IN HIS FAMILY - THEY WILL SIDE WITH HIM.

I have had to take out injunctions to keep my husband away from me, and now it is all out in the open he has just gone completely mad. It is really really bad. you need to go now, pack up your things, no warning, get on a train or in your car and get to that friend's house in London or anywhere at all.

After my last assault (which my husband is going to trial for) the police told me that my husband was capable of killing me, which I kind of laughed off. They were serious. Most domestic killings are accidental - a kick too hard in the wrong place, a fall where you catch your head on the corner of the mantel piece, someone picks up a knife in the kitchen... premeditated murder is actually very rare.

KITTY GET OUT. we are all thinking of you.

This thread has shocked me to the core, how domestic abuse has touched the lives of so many MWO members.

Kate x

[MonaCat]

Domestic violence

Kitty,
Talk to us, and let us know you are okay honey.

[Popeye]

Domestic violence

Please........

[bootcampbarbie]

Domestic violence

hello kitty: well, not like i haven't been down this road. starts with myself really. there was this amazing book i read when i first realized that i was in trouble. it was called women who love too much. after i read that book, i actually called the battered women's shelter and went there. so, that would be my first advice. you can stay there for free. and years later i actually became a counselor for them. there have been some beautiful books later that i've read and journaled in that had a lot to do with nurturing that little girl in me. it is a cyle of abuse generally. we tend to merge really. so we merge so much into that other person that we simply become non existant and booze seems to make that heightened. but trust me we do it sober as well. when i learned the tools to get distancing on that through some amazing work pathways/solution work
i realized it always comes back to for me. what am i feeling and what do i need for just itty bitty starters. and i can't go merging over there with the guy that can't be fixed or reached. inevitably i was always trying to get in there in relationship with guys who were never emotionally available. nice nice nice. what a great fun time that was.

so, i know you don't feel strong enough. that is because you are so merged into him there is no you there. go find that book for one, women who love to much. call the battered women's shelter and speak to a counselor. find a copy of pathways. thepathway.org has been such a godsend for me. strength comes from trying to find somewhere in that black hole that place called you that you've forgotten, lost and abandoned. and only one day when you've just decided i simply can't can't for one more minute let one more person beat the hell out of this little child. i must protect her. that will be the day if you live through it that you will take back your life. good luck my luv.
boots

[Arial]

Domestic violence

Dearest Kitty -

I have nothing more to add - just my heart goes out to you and you are stronger than you give yourself credit for - you can do this, you have to - let us know you're safe! Many :l :l

[Mags]

Domestic violence

Dear Kitty,
My thoughts and prayers are that you have not posted for a few days because you are in a safe place - resting, recuperating and maybe even hiding. I so hope you are. Please let us know you are OK when you have the chance. You are in all our prayers.
:h

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Dear all,

Just letting you know that I'm ok, but I'm feling really bad because after what all of you said I'm afraid I haven't left him.

I'm not saying I never will, I have given myself a timescale and will stick to it. I know all the advise you gave me was correct, I just can't ignore my heart right now. Of cousre intellectually I know I should go.

I don't want to stop coming here because my main reason for coming here was support with the alcohol issue and to hopefully help others. I feel like I've opened a can of worms. You've all given me some fantastic insight and knowledge, I've got all the info I need now, ready when I need it. Would you all mind if we closed this thread now?? I'm feeling crappy because If I had a friend in my position I would advise her the same as you all advised me, and please don't be mad, you gave me the tools, it's up to me now when I put them into practise.



Kitty

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

Oh Kitty... I really do feel for you.

I can understand what you're saying. I think you are saying that you just need to do this on your own time scale.

Please don't feel the need to leave because of this topic. We've all just got to know you and can support you with alcohol issue even more so

Perhaps if you tackle the drinking now, you might find more strength (or recognise your own strength) to make a plan and act on it. While you stay with him Betty, you really are in danger and then only way you can protect yourself is to stay sober... so to leave here because of this thread would only be more damaging to your wellbeing.

Lots of love from me
Scoobs

[I Like Brandy]

Domestic violence

Kitty;

Whatever you do don't stop coming here. We are here for you, thick and thin.

Make sure to keep us updated...

:h Brandy

[paraniod]

Domestic violence

First off, I hope that you are feeling better and that you have not been hurt again.
SEcondly, outside of the abuse and treatment. I would like to say that I have been married to a man for over 10 years now. We unfortunately started our relationship as partyers. Functioning partyers, we are both succesful people but our relationship suffers greatly, because I personally would like a life that doesn't revolve around the party. Right now he is in snoring off a pint of scotch and a couple of beers and I am still trying to get over last weekend.
Try to envision your relationship with him in 10 years. What you see now will be mulitplied minus the newly in love feelings plus the other responsibilites you could have in that time.
I hope I am making sense, I am not good at the writing part.

[gabby]

Domestic violence

Yes Kitty, Please dont stop coming here. Or at least pick one of us to stay in close contact with so we all can know your ok. We want to continue to support you in which ever way you need us to. Which is for you to decide not us.
I understand what your saying. I stayed in a marriage for 20 plus years that was a bummer. (please dont stay that long) So I know ya just gotta do it when your ready but I hope its soon for your sake.

Ok enough said. Lets try to close the thread.

[cassy]

Domestic violence

Good Luck kitty..its that horrible feeling that you wish you hadnt said so much??

Just take care..and believe me i am praying so hard you make the right decisions....Promise not to mention it again

Regards cassy