Domestic violence

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Happy,

He was caught dealing drugs and for the amount he had on him he should have been sent to prison but he somehow got off and had 150 hours of community service (our prisons in th uk are bursting at the seams)

I met him on the club scene and was a recreational drug user myself (another thing I'm not proud of) and I think if he is busted for any sort of offence they will send him to prison for his original sentence but I just don't know whether I could put his family through more trouble with the police, his mum is fragile and been very kind to me. And at the moment I do still love him dearly.

Kitty

[Guest]

Domestic violence

Kitty save yourself. Have him arrested. you can explain to his mom later. She has to have some idea of who her son is in the first place. I don't think she will be surprised. You will be amazed at the number of people who come to you after you leave and say "I knew he was like that"
Take care Dear
Mar

[amethyst]

Domestic violence

Kitty, sweetie, REread simeys post. Get out. Do NOT tell him of your plan. Call a domestic violence hotline. DO go to the police. And plan to go someplace where he wouldn't think to look. A friend of mine was shot to death several years back-- by her ex husband. That he offered a dual suicide as a solution is so very frighteneing and chilling. An hon, you shouldn't have to get over being kicked in the face. Or any of the other abuse. Everyone else is right. It is a problem of his that he blames on something you do. But if it wasn't the drinking, it would be something else. You need to escape and start fresh, rebuild your own life. Good luck, and sending prayers your way.

[paula]

Domestic violence

Kitty I agree wholeheartedly with everything thats been said. He is a very angry man
my father was also very abusive both to my mother and to me and my siblings.
I too am a nurse and see many alcoholic patients,I also see diabetics, anorexics,
lots of people with various problems( illnesses), if you were diabetic and went hypo
through lack of insulin, would he be entitled to beat you up for that?
I truly hope you will find the strenghth that you need, to deal with this bully.
best wishes Paula.

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Dear Mar,

I spent all day with his mum today and told her everything, he told her this morning he had "slapped my face" but she has seen the bruises and although at the time I didn't know he had kicked me in the face I will tell her tomorrow. I did tell her that when I woke up this moning I told him I was going to the police so she said she understood why he had tried to prempt the situation and that's why he told her we had had a "fight"

She is mortified by his behaviour, he picked me up from her house today and she didn't say anything to him although she did call him at work earlier and said she was disgusted. I will go and see her tomorrow and have a think about the police thing. I just don't know whether I can do it to his family.

Mar what you said about thinking I will never be loved again really hit home with me. It's exactly how I feel, I have lost all my past relationships because of my drinking and I have the mindset at the moment that he is the only man who has ever and will ever "put up with my behaviour" but surely to god "putting up" can't include "beating up" can it.

Kitty

[happycamper68]

Domestic violence

Kitty every post you sound stronger- hang onto it.

You just simply cannot put up with it. He could have kicked you in the head and killed you hon. Point blank. I wish I lived near you so i could hug you and find someone to make him go away so you didn't have to concern yourself. You will find love again and you will be so shocked at how different it will be. Some people thrive on the drama and the "making up" but it is so unhealthy and potentially dangerous and deadly. Hugs to you Kitty. :h

[DidItForMe]

Domestic violence

Everyone here has already given you golden advice and I hope you are listening. Get out sweetheart. I can only add that we are all out here hoping and praying for your safety. He is sick, the things he is saying may sound true but they are lies to keep you by his side. The "I'm sorry" or "I love you", they are lies. What he is saying is "I need someone to control", or "When I make you feel bad, I feel better". Please get of there now. Many hugs.

[Ripley]

Domestic violence

sweetie, one word..

L E A V E

I have been in your shoes, Boy is it hard. I am still struggling with the guilt. My husband is having a breakdown = suicide threats, the works... The kids have seen him twice in nearly 3 months. His family blame me totally. But basically it came down to one thing - me, or him. I chose me. And i was right.

And so are you.

get out now. Find a good lawyer/ support group / therapist / refuge ... and dig in tight. It will take lot of talking and a lot of patience and a lot of love and a lot of pain but you will get there.

PM me anytime.

Rip x

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Thanks to you all for your support, thank god I have this place to come to I don't know what I would have done tonight without you all.

Happy you are right I am feeling stronger thanks to all your messages. For a fleeting moment a while ago I thought about going over to the 24 hour supermarket and getting some alcohol but I know I need a clear head tomorrow to try and get myself through this awful situation.

Thank you all very much, I wish I had a special travelling machine so I could turn up on all your doorsteps and thank you all in person.

I've stopped crying and I'm not drinking so maybe I'm a little tougher than I thought I was.

Kitty x x

[Prest4time]

Domestic violence

Kitty,
You will definitely find love again. I just read this thread and my heart is breaking for you. My first husband wound up being very abusive to me towards the end of the marriage, although he was not that way for the first two or so. So I had no idea he was capable. But he also had bi-polar, and I didnt know (neither did he) until after we divorced and he was diagnosed. But they are ALWAYS so sorry the next day and full of promises, and because you love them, your heart wants to believe it. I had two small children that were finally my incentive to get out because they were witnessing it (thank God they dont remember much now - they were very little). But it always happens again, and even if you never drank again, he would find some other reason to get angry with you eventually. I've been chased with knives, thrown on the floor till unconsiouss and finally left him after being raped by him and his "friend" when they were drunk. Unfortunately, I did not have the guts to leave before. Dont wait... you WILL find the strength one day at a time, and line up a support network that can encourage you to no go back and can help you rebuild your self esteem. Just to tell you, I found love again two years later with someone who would never dream of hitting me! He's been a wonderful father to the kids and we are about to celebrate 12 years. You can do it! You are stronger than you know!

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Prest you have given me hope, and I'm so sorry for what happened to you, how awful!!!

I'm glad you have found love again and a great pops for you little ones.

Kitty

[adagirl]

Domestic violence

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. Do you have family you can turn to? If this happened to me, I think I would turn to my parents or my sister. You may not want to burden them, but as a parent myself, I know that if either of my kids are ever in such a bad situation, I would want to do anything I could to help them. Don't let him take you down with him. You can overcome your alcohol problem and have a wonderful life ahead of you. He can work on his problem too, but you can't fix both of you. Concentrate on yourself first. When you feel good about yourself, you will find love again and it will be w/someone who is worthy to be w/you.

[Guest]

Domestic violence

Kitty, pres4 is right, love does come again. I met my husband when I left my abusive ex. My husband has never raised a hand to me and has supported me no matter what. He loves me and accepts the fact I have a drinking problem, he has been my biggest champion. You will be loved again, I promise. His family will understand. it is survival time sweetie. You can be strong!
hugs
Mar

[Guest]

Domestic violence

Kitty...you aren't being LOVED now honey...this isn't love...if it is I would really hate to see what he'd do if he didn't love you. You will be loved, there is love and first you need to be able to find you and love you!!!

[gabby]

Domestic violence

Kitty, the fact that he suggested the suicide thing he could easily kill you with out thinkin about it. He just wanted you to agree. So in his eyes....so what if you dont. You absoultly gotta know you arent safe! And now that you are tellin others like his mom it will threaten him and he could go off his rocker. You gotta escape!