Domestic violence

[gabby]

Domestic violence

And anther thing....you think its your fault cuz you drink but what brings it to a head when you drink is just that you get brave enough to say something back to him when you drink. And the alcohol kinda gives you the attitude of "bring it on" so to speak. Its like you want to show him you can stand up to his abuse. When this truly does make it worse and will escalate the situation. But it is by no means your fault and you cant blame yourself. You need to protect yourself and get out of the situation and quit trying to have the drink make you brave and fix this cuz it wont work. Anger only encourages more of the same. You gotta find the strength to walk away.

[karma7171]

Domestic violence

this thread brought tears to my eyes

Pres, I never knew that you went through all that. But yet, you were able to pull yourself from the pit. So proud of you, because I know it wasn't easy.

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. I remember clearly the day I woke up in the morning and said, "If this means being alone for the rest of my life...I am ok with that". I ended it. Wanted NOTHING to do with men and ended up meeting husband of 10 years 2 weeks later. If I had not made that decision then I probably would not have the wonderful husband that I have...I would have missed it. The sooner you open doors the sooner they fill with what you really need, want and love. My husband is the first person in my life to show me what real love is.....and because of that I can give out real love.

Soul mates do not abuse each other. It is like you are in a box, but once you open the door and step out life can start. If you stay in this situation your drinking will never turn around....it can't...you need it to cope.

Big hugs to you!

Kim

[Mags]

Domestic violence

Get out of there

Ditto to what everyone has said above. We all care about you much more than this "man" does. What kind of "man" is he to beat up on a woman? One with serious problems of his own which he is taking out on you. So you drank too much - you are not the guilty party here. Get the HELL OUT OF THERE. I'm sure there are shelters in your area. Please, please, please don't become another dreadful statistic.
:h

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

Your drinking and his violence are two distinctly separate issues. Please don't let him confuse them for you. Alcohol issues are hard enough for you to deal with, without this adding to the confusion. Sorry you're having to deal with this on top.

I am really feeling for you, and if I could fly over to Wales and sit with you and hold you hand, I would.

Scoob

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

Gosh... this post has really deeply upset me...

[YoungAtHeart]

Domestic violence

Hi Kitty,

I'm glad to read that you are feeling stronger. You have many more options than you know, and you WON'T drink yourself to death without this guy! He is SCARY!!

Like several others here, I was involved in an abusive relationship a number of years ago for two years. I understand what you mean about feeling like this man is a soul mate. I felt that way too. There was much that was positive about this man, when he wasn't controlling and in a temper, but he also was verbally abusive and beat the crap out of me on several occasions. Even then, he never kicked me in the head, though!!! Major ouch, honey!! This man was an alcoholic--and also an upstanding man, a deacon in our church, etc. Even after he stopped drinking several months before we called it quits, he continued to be angry. In fact, when we broke up, he hadn't hit me for over a year (he knew if it happened one more time, I would press charges), but he was still angry and verbally abusive. I didn't want to live like that. I remember once when he was beating me up thinking, "Wow, he might kill me now..." without much emotion, as if it was happening to another person. It was so traumatic that I was in an altered state of consciousness, and I had nightmares for months after I left of being beaten up by him. But it was such a relief to come home at night, knowing that the worst thing I might face was my daughter (who witnessed some of this) having a temper tantrum or burning dinner! You will value the peace more than you now know. I continued to drink at that time, but it didn't spiral out of control any more than before.

It was hard to leave him, and I had to plan it carefully, but I've never been sorry. It will be hard at first for you too, and I'm glad that you have resources and services where you live. Go back to where you came from if you need to. Definitely lay your plans carefully. Please don't worry about his family. You can't protect them from knowing who he really is--that's not your job, my dear, even though you care for them deeply!

Anyway, I know that others have given you great advice here, and I just wanted to add my thoughts. All the best to you, Kitty!

Big hugs!:l :l :l :l
Kathy

[Guest]

Domestic violence

I have to tell you, I was once in a relationship and he beat my head on the floor so hard my nose was bleeding and both eyes were black...LEAVE....I was only 17 and I stayed with him til I was 21, the beatings got worse and more and more frequent...get out, it gets worse, not better. WHY keep doing this? It is a miserable life.

[YoungAtHeart]

Domestic violence

Thanks LuvUAll! Perhaps I didn't make it clear with all my philosophising, but yes, Kitty, I think you should get out AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!! USE ALL OF YOUR CUNNING! Stay Safe!

XOXOX!

[lucky 2.0]

Domestic violence

Plan. Get help to leave. Follow through with your plan. Do not look back. If you stay it will get worse. You deserve such a better life than this loser can offer you.

Please have a good, well-thought plan and please be safe. We all care. Please keep us informed as to how you are doing. And, if there is any reason to believe he can get into your computer and knows your password- change it. And if you do not want him to know about this site, delete the cookies so there is no evidence.

Peace be with you.

xoxo

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

Kitty, please keep us updated, and please keep moving forward with this.

The following links are organisations specifically setup for women just like you Kitty. Please use them. Just pick up the phone and call - I know that I would.

I cannot begin to tell you how angry I am with your (soon to be ex) fiancee with the way he has treated you, 4 too many times. And when I look at that sweet avitar that you have chosen and the thought of you with bruises on your body, and him kicking you face... I just want to cry for you (in fact I already have cried for you Kitty). And then he suggest joint suicide. No human being deserves this treatment!

Home Office | Domestic violence
Welsh Womens Aid
BBC News | WALES | Pioneering shelter for domestic abuse

A good FAQ page
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/downloads/FAQs.pdf

*hug*
Scoobs

[tawnyfrog]

Domestic violence

I read your first posts. You're 34. You say previous relationships have failed because of your drinking and that you want to marry this guy. Please, please, please take this time to leave him and work on getting sober. Go solo for a while. You have years to find a decent man. One will appear when you least expect it. This guy is NOT decent and I promise you, this abuse will continue. Do NOT allow yourself to become a statistic or a perpetual victim.

You owe it to yourself to get out. What you're experiencing now has nothing to do with 'love'.

Take care.

[rottrod]

Domestic violence

Get out now honey, and we need to hear from you every day to know you are ok.

[mamatee]

Domestic violence

Kitty,
Not sure that there is much more to add, except one more voice joining the chorus. No one deserves to be hit by their "loved" one. Leave, get healthy and then find a healthy relationship with a healthy person. So often it seems that the hardest thing to do is the one thing that would make everything better. I can tell from your posts that you are bright and educated and competent (OK, I'm clairvoyant ) as well as kind and sweet. Go get a new life - you don't deserve the one you have.
T.

[gabby]

Domestic violence

hurry

[Popeye]

Domestic violence

Hi Kitty,
I have to agree with what's been said.
Your situation is a dangerous one. You've got to go.....
My mother, an alcoholic, was involved with a violent alcoholic man for years. she was in hospital lots of times with serious facial, and other injuries. Twice she had to have her jaw wired up and she also had several suicide atempts. I was very young at the time and there was little I could do about it. Once when I was about 17 they were fighting downstairs and I tried to help her. I went downstairs and he had her by the hair and was kicking her in the stomach. I punched the man as hard as I could, but not hard enough.He set about me and my mum got up and ran to a neighbours house, and called the police. She came in and told us that she called the police to have me arrested....me. I just ran out the house and slept rough for a few days. My unemployment check was due about 5 days later, so I waited for the postman, who knew me, outside their house. Mum and the man shouted me in. I was hungry and cold and quite used to life in that house. Nothing was mentioned. The postman came and mum and her man spent it on booze. Bad days.
She left him eventually.
One example Kitty, of the way things can turn in an abusive relationship. I have many more if you'd like to hear them.
Look after yourself

Love Paulx