Domestic violence

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

Oh Popeye... I think I'd better stop reading this. I'm just getting far too upset for my good friends here and what you've been through, but Kitty, please I beg you to not stop reading! You do need to read and hear about Paul's and others experiences so you can get out now while you've got the chance.

Thank god you don't have a child with this beast!

[MDBiker]

Domestic violence

Kitty, I agree you need to get out and you have resources there to do just that. You need to get out as soon as possible; I mean like today. This guy is not right and has already proved he is capable of killing you. If he had kicked you in the right place you would not be with us today. PLEASE leave now. You can get more clothes and ?things?; you are irreplaceable. If you feel like you can?t do it alone, I bet we can find someone there to help you get out safe. You are young, and the best things in your life are yet to come.

For all the rest of you, I had no idea that this kind of crap happened so often. God Bless you all. I am thankful to know that most of you have not only overcome, you have excelled. I admire your courage and determination. The light at the end of the tunnel is not a train.

I am not as civil as everyone else. I would like to kick this guy?s head in. There are some bikers over there who would probably be willing to . . . never mind.

God bless and keep you,
Bear

[cassy]

Domestic violence

Hi kitty

Me again..i am so pleased everyone who replied said the same thing..Get in touch today with domestic violence unit or their helpline...samaratins whatever..citizens advice..the police...anyone but get the hell out of there.

Its not an over reaction..as you can see by these posts,,others have been through similar and the only way is OUT.

dont believe you cant cope without him because thats the brainwashing you have come to believe.....you have friens to listen/support you.

Get planning and be careful..he cant live with you easily but he may not let you go either..he too has a great fear of change.

Thinking and praying for you a lot...............what kind of deranged mind suggests you do a joint suicide attempt???????????????

do you have a faith/belief??? could you turn for practical help to the local priest/vicar...they usually have all the info on where to get help..if not try social services

I have been a health and social worker for years and countless times i have listened to domestic violence cases.........they end in tragedy for everyone unless tou make the break.

Regards Cassy

[SKendall]

Domestic violence

Kitty, my heart is breaking for you. Listen to all who have posted. Here is my story. My first husband a father of my 2 children didn't drink. I was a sweet 18 year old when we married and being used to a controlling father didn't really notice his controlling ways until I had an opinion of my own. It was first some shoving and slapping. When I became pregnant it escalated (jealousy). His mother was my best friend and she thought I was heaven on earth.

I started drinking at 25 and he found more reasons to abuse me, cracked my sternum, broke my teeth. By this time I had a 3 year old and an infant. During the last beating I made a plan. Get out. My self esteem was eroded [b]but never, at any point did I feel I deserved it, I knew it was his problem. I had to get a job live in lesser circumstances and put my kids in daycare and rebuild my self esteem. And the mother in law who so adored me, wanted me to wash the whole thing and totally stood by her son. She was British and she expected me to stand for it all to keep up appearances.

I felt such a tremendous amount of freedom when I left even tho things were very hard. I would also caution you against future relationships. Date before you get into live ins. I got into another controlling relationship because it seemed familiar. I needed to get help myself.

There is never an excuse for a man to put his hands on a woman unless he has a problem himself. He is sick and wants to pull you down, i.e. the suicide idea.

Please help yourself.

Hilary

[diverob]

Domestic violence

Kitty, I am so so sorry. I think it's all been said but let me throw my 2 cents in ... leave. No guy should ever treat a woman like that. If he says he loves you and then does that, he lied.

We are all here for you so please keep us posted. I lived in Newport, South Wales for about 7 years, so if you need any help, somewhere to stay or something, let me know and I can put you in touch with someone.

Please, please leave. It sounds like he's in a corner right now, and with the type of person he sounds like, a corner is a very dangerous place for him to be.

[betty boop]

Domestic violence

Oh Kitty, how awful .....

I'm sorry but I can only agree with everyone else, you need to leave,

My heart goes out to you love, but please so us a favour and keep checking in here to let us know that you are ok???

Love & Hugs, BB xxx

[mojomuppet]

Domestic violence

you need to get out before he kills you or you kill him. there i said it. there is only so much a person can take, and at some point hurting him or worse will sound like a good idea. i grew up around this crap and im telling you as you probably already know, the evil will come out in you. this is the point were things get really dangerous and then there will only be one standing. because he is so violent there is no reason for you to feel bad for his parents. you need to worry about who is gonna replace you when you have moved on and if he abuses or kills her are you gonna wish you had done something different. this is not about him being someones child. what he is doing to you is far past abuse and i see it as torture. is that a strong enough word for you? do the right thing for youself, and the community you live in. im sorry if it sounds harsh to you but you need to be told, maybe without so much mushy stuff in it.
DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT.

that being said, much love to you and may your new travels be light.:l

isnt there a catholic charity there that can help you? i know its there i just cant remember the name of it...st mongols???

[Guest]

Domestic violence

Kitty,
If you look back at ALL the posts in this site the guys post, but that are not as chatty as us gals.....Pops and Bear both wrote lengthy posts....please that we all care and see how serious this is. NO human should ever treat another human like this...I don't llet my dogs treat each other like this...if they argue I break them up. I wish I could just give you a hug...it will get better, but please leave.

[Pisces]

Domestic violence

I could hardly read it...

All I can say say is I've been there...

My daughter said something to me a bout a week or two ago and I took it on... I have a 'VICTIM' mentality.

I googled it, and I have learnt so much, because of the physical, mental, and in my case, covert sexual abuse I got as a kid, I coped by blaming the world, and men in particular.

Just in the last 3 weeks I've broken up with a guy who I met on the net who was so wonderful in the beginning, I thought he was the one, but in the end he was controlling and emotionally abusive, and then I HAD TO ACKNOWLEDE the fact that he was bringing me down, so I ended the relationship. It kills me, because I know we had good times and that he loved me, but I also know it was a toxic kind of love.

I now know that I can't blame anyone for what happens to me, I make the choice, and I choose to be happy, and be responsible for me. I have to forgive my parents, my dad, not to say I condone it, but I have to let it go, to move on and be healthy, in my mind and spirit.

I'm just getting the hang of these new ways of thinking, but I'm feeling better, please look into to it, it is the answer. Love yourself FIRST !!!

Love Jas

[I Like Brandy]

Domestic violence

Kitty;

I was in an abusive relationship about 25 years ago. It strengthened me to never ever allow myself to be in a relationship of verbal or physical abuse..I'll spare the details..And no alcohol had nothing to do with my past abuse.

Anyway, I have a very close friend that is involved for over 10 years of an abusive relationship..I'll spare the details, but she had a C-Section and has an infection. This morning she asked me to come over because the Visiting Nurse needs to show another person how to care for the area of the infection, and I do hold Certified Nursing Asst. license.

Anyway, I have class tonight, and she asked me if I would come back before school and train this DUMB m&*^@ HOW TO CHANGE AND CLEAN THE WOUND.

That will be my challenge for today.

PS..They don't change, I don't care what the reasoning is for the abusive relationship, just know that if he kicked you in your face and you survived, the next time he hits you it might be the LAST TIME.

Prayers and Strength for you..

Brandy

[Kitty]

Domestic violence

Dear all,

Just letting you know I am still alive. Scooby thank you for the links and Lucky I've deleted my cookies and changed my password.

Popeye and everyone thank you for sharing your stories I'm crying again reading them all, they are all so hearbreaking. Why oh why can life be so hard?

Still feeling a bit stiff and sore and have an upset tummy with all the stress but I'm feeling better in my mind. I have just had a chat with his mum and told her about the kicking me in the face bit and she is going crazy.

Jasmin I am beginning to understand the "victim" aspect in all of this. I just said to his mum that alot of my drinking issues are down to my low self esteem and that if anything is guaranteed to crush you completely is when your "supposed" loved one kicks you in the face. He would never do that to his parents dogs!!!!

I am going to leave as soon as I can, I am going to have to be cunning, and as much as his mother wants to kill him right now I will not even tell her my plans as she wants us to be able to work things out because she loves me. She said whatever happens she wants to keep in touch with me, but we will have to see.

A few of you have said that he may become really phsycho now because it is all coming out but I think I will be safe today. I will call the police immediately if I feel in danger and get help. This situation is about so much more than my drinking, he is stone cold sober when he does what he does so what is his excuse? I know I get mouthy when I drink but even if I was brandishing a knife a normal person would somehow try and restrain me surely not try and kill me like he does.

There is no future and as one of you said the sooner I close this door the sooner another one can open. I could never have any children with this man I would be absolutley terrified
for their safety.

Thank you all again, I'll keep you posted. I hope this hasn't dreadged up too many painful memories for alot of you.

:l

Kitty

[gabby]

Domestic violence

I hope you keep a cell phone on you at all times. at least. oh kitty....dont change your mind about leaving. We are all frightened for your safety.

[ScoobyDoo]

Domestic violence

I'm with Gabby.

Kitty, your spineless fiancee is no doubt feeling guilty (I guess) and so laying low (until next time). If I could come over there and get you, and bring you back to stay here with us for a few months or as long as you need, I would!

I would be very weary of his mother. Blood is thicker than water. She has a history and she can probably see that she has raised a freak... and a freak he is!

Please Kitty... please get the hell out of there now. I know he is being calm now... and that migt last for the next 6 months... but if you stay today, you will become complacent and then one day he *will* snap, just like he did last night... but with far more dire consequences.

Kitty, you might not be perfect... but that's ok... you do deserve love and I can see from your posts that you are a sweet, intelligent and loving person. You deserve so much more than this and I absolutely guarantee you that things will get better if you leave. I can also guarantee that they will get worse if you stay with him.

Please. Call some of those numbers. Make a plan. Pack some stuff... don't tell his mother what your plans are.

And look at it this way Kitty... you are actually already free! As you said earlier, you don't know anyone in this new town, so it's not like you're in a place where you're moving away from family and friends to escape. Give yourself time... and give him time.

Maybe you could set yourself a time limit and promise yourself that you won't contact him until say 3 months has passed. I have no experience with this but the people the shelter/refuge I'm sure will have plenty of fabulous advice and resources and will be really wanting to help you Kitty.

And then again, if you're you're really not ready to make that move yet, that's ok... I'm here for you always.

Scoobs

[nancy]

Domestic violence

Hi Kitty

I hope you listen to some of the very wise advice posted here. Your story makes me so sad.

I also hope you will be careful in leaving. Make sure you leave at a time when he is not around and don't raise his suspicions just in case he gets angry and abusive.

[Breez]

Domestic violence

Kitty-

Stay strong. I agree with everyone. He'll be so "sincere" with his apologies-don't back down. He'll just do it again. Stay strong, stay safe. No one deserves this-drinking or not drinking.

Keep us posted. We care for you.