Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

[Arial]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Hi Louise - thank you for another very clear and insightful post.

It's the choice that does it for me - I drank for years and years and as it got worse felt like I wasn't in control, and in some respects that took away the responsibility - I was trying to stop - honest! - but it was the 'addiction'. It didn't take long being AF that I found that I now had choice - and with choice comes responsibility. I have reclaimed control, but as you have has so eloquently said, that also means I am out of excuses now. If I start drinking again, it is a conscious decision to do so - and it is therefore also a conscious decision to hurt the ones I love, to drop out of participation in life, to observe from the sidelines, to damage my health, etc.. etc. - Once I faced the fact that it was a CHOICE and not a symptom (in my case) of a disease, sickness, illness or whatever, then the decision was made - the CHOICE then moved beyond whether to drink or not, but what to do with my life now I'm not letting it be controlled by drink...

I do also agree with Nancy that some behaviour is definitely understandable and 'excusable' - and there are also those for whom alcoholism is a physical condition so I feel there are other perspectives with regards to this, but certainly for me you've hit the nail on the head. Thanks again.

[louise]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Louise, I found myself wanting to come back and reread this thread and had to go back 4 pages to find it. Can you turn it into a sticky? Thanks

[adagirl]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

When I look back at all my excuses what I find funny is that often times I was just waiting (secretly hoping) for a good excuse to drink myself silly. Kids misbehaving... I deserve a drink to unwind. DH pissed me off... I deserve to get sloppy drunk and to hell w/what he thinks! Previous to starting this program, I was worried about how I would deal w/all that 'stress' without my daily alcohol habit. Now, I realize that most of that 'stress' was all in my mind, stuff I just blew out of proportion so I could justify my drinking to myself. Crazy!

[Saint Jude]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Once again Louise, excellent post!
I must admit.. sometimes I just enjoy drinking a bit... but I have to be VERY CARFUL, because I know I can easily enjoy it TOO much... Then it's no fun for anyone.

But that's where the choices come in. Knowing when & where that time & place is. That's the only way I can have it in my life.

Lord help me if start drinking when I'm mad ... Excuse or not!:wow: I guess we all Really "know"...

[toughintexas]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Awesome post, so hit home! I so thank you for taking the time to write this, it sure gives me pause....I will not forget your words when I think...."just one", "just one more", heck I don't even need an "excuse" sometimes....even tho in the past, I've looked for them also...I think its just a habit of having something in my hand! You're the best, and thanks so much....and yes, I've had the "I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food" thought too!

[wantrealmeaning]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

irishlady;142321 wrote: Recently I had a PM from a member and in my reply I mentioned something about choices, reasons and excuses.. That set me thinking about things and I would like to share those thoughts with you..

We all make choices, big and small?. On the world stage George Bush and Tony Blair have had to make some very big choices, but, this is not the place to debate those choices? Bringing it down to ground level, our choices are not so big compared to those, starting with the smallest ones such as what colour of toilet paper to buy, white or pink? And going on to the bigger ones like, should we get married, move house, change jobs?
We don?t make these choices without thinking about them.. Even small things like deciding the colour of the toilet paper, the brain is computing perhaps thousands of impulses per second as our hand reaches out to take the paper off the supermarket shelf..

Now we come to the choices connected with drinking.. I think for people who don?t have a problem with alcohol the choice as to whether or not to have a drink is about as important to them as choosing the colour of their toilet paper? There is no guilt or anger felt whilst making this choice, they don?t feel as if they are breaking a promise or letting themselves or others down, they don?t spend an hour or even longer arguing in their mind, will I / won?t I, they don?t have to fool themselves into believing that all they will have is just one drink and they will stop after that? They probably don?t even break into a cold sweat at the thought of never drinking again?

Then there are people like us, people for whom alcohol is a problem, an addiction.. So when presented with a choice as to whether or not to have a drink, how can we make a rational one ?? In deciding, our brains are bombarded with thoughts and feelings, and the outcome of our choice can be even more important for us then any of the big choices we make in our lives?

So many times over the years I have stood on the line, desperately craving a drink, trying to make the right choice, finally making it, only it was always the wrong one, but, I always had my reasons for that choice, my reasons for drinking.. At least that is what I told myself.. Some of those reasons stretched right back as far as my childhood, and some of them were as fresh as yesterday.. They were MY reasons for drinking and as such were important to me, or so I thought at the time?

Over the last eight months I have been doing a lot of work on myself to try and eradicate all the reasons for my drinking.. At times it has been very painful but theraputic as well because you get to know yourself better and it sets you free..

The major thing though which I realised was this, during all the years of my drinking I didn?t have one single reason to drink, not one.. What I did have in plenty however were EXCUSES.. That?s all they were, my bad childhood, a father who kept leaving home, a suicide attempt at the age of thirteen, low self esteem, no confidence, an unhappy marriage, they were my excuses, my justification for drinking.. They covered up the truth which I couldn?t face, and that was simply my addiction to alcohol..
Once I realised that, it made it easier to stop..

To bring this full circle, when I get a craving now and I have to make that all important choice will I / won?t I, it makes it so much easier to make the right one because I have no more excuses left..


The dictionary defines the words REASON and EXCUSE as the following,
REASON
A rational motive for a belief or action
The capacity for rational thought
The state of having good sense and sound judgement

EXCUSE
A defense of some offensive behaviour
A poor example

So, what makes you drink?? Do you have reasons, or are you like I used to be and you just have excuses.. Be honest with yourself when you answer because it just may help you to beat this addiction..

Take good care of yourselves,

Love from Louise xxx
I just had to bump this, it is so true, so true for me anyway. It's not a nice experience being honest with yourself but so necessary for healing. I've been trying to make that choice today for the past 3hrs. I haven't had a drink since the 25th of this month very early days i know. It was a struggle yesterday and has been a constant battle in my mind today, until i read this.

So thankyou so much Louise, you've helped me make a healthy choice tonight and i hope by bumping this other people will make wise and healthy choices.
Just quickly like to add that since making my choice some of my anxiety is going away.

much love and healthy choices to everyone
going to watch X Factor now with my kids
want
:h

[irishlady]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

You know Want, I had forgotten all about this post of mine, and I do agree with you, being honest with yourself is one of the steps towards healing.. The first few days or even months can be very hard, so just take each day as it comes, don't think too far ahead.. Its a bit like building a house, you don't worry about the roof until you have built the walls, and you do that by putting one brick on top of another..

I wish you luck,
Love, Louise xxx

[MyOwnWoman]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

I remember reading this awhile back - glad to see it again. Thanks.

[betty boop]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Louise, as ever you say it the best .......... you are officially my MWO hero .............

[Guest]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

I recall reading this a while back too, Louise.
I like the house building analogy.......that we have to build our sobriety brick by brick. I have taken much strength today from you achieving your 1st AF year.......at 62 days, I still feel very vulnerable, but reading of all you have achieved serves to comfort me and reinforces my belief that I will make it. Thank you.

Starlight Impress x

[irishlady]

Choices, Reasons and Excuses.

Starlight you come across as a very strong person, so you will make it, I know you will. Don't forget, no matter how tough things get, that is not a reason to drink, its a reason to stay strong and focused on what you really want..