Dog gone

[whitemarshmom]

Hello

I didnt want to take up room on the newbie nest with this non AL thought. You have all been so super supportive, I feel like I have made alot of new friends... Here is my dilemma...When i met DH, i had a jeep and a jack russell puppy, her name was Tess. She lived many happy many years and she was one of sweetest dogs i had ever had. She died when she was 14 years old .... My MIL loved her so, we went out and got her her own JR, a couple of years later MIL died at 72 years of age so we adopted the JR we got her as our own ( female) She ( patch) is now about 16 years old, and i went out and bought another JR to keep her company about a year and half ago.. but i bought a male. ( so we currently have 2 JR). His name is Gage and he is by far the most energetic, wild natured dog i have ever had, not sure if its because he is male or not, i did have him fixed early on. Unfortunately we live in a neighborhood that does not take kindly to dogs pooping in their yard, chasing their cats tearing up their gardens etc ( tess nor patch both females never exhibited the wild behavior that gage does. They were happy spending their time in the woods that back up to our house, chasing and fighting with ground hogs. ( i remember many vet bills, but thats what they love) He is a lovable energetic 1 1/2 year old JR. The kids aren't very attached to him, he sleeps anywhere he wants in the house and has adapted well to our new kitten... the problem is he spends all of his days tied up, basking in the sun on the driveway, i know he would much rather be running and chasing and hunting things. DH did not want him, and disagreed with me when i went to buy him, but we dont get along, and my theory was and still is.. I'm too old (47) for anyone to tell me what i can and cannot do.. He was also against the kitten, but my daughter wanted one, so i adopted from the SPCA.. so now we have a wonderful little kitten. I went onto craigslist earlier today and found a post from someone who is looking for a small dog , they have alot of acerage for him to run, .. they have some children or are sad to have lost thei family pet in January of this year.. They have been looking for a small young dog like Gage for months but it seems everyone wants $500 plus for beagles etc and they just cant afford it.. Gage is friendly, loves kids and i am considering giving them Gage. I agreed for them to keep him while i make this work trip . and then they can decide.. I just want him to be happy, i dont want any $$. I am not sure what to tell the kids and am looking for suggestions. The idea is for this family to keep gage while i am out of town and then if they love him, which im sure they will, he wont be coming back here.. I'm ok with it, since i feel so badly about the way DH treats him ( badly) i dont know if the kids realize their father beat the dog with the blower part of the blower while we were in OC a couple weeks ago. I think DH takes his anger out on the dog because of me and it makes me sad to see gage shake from fear when the blower gets used.. How do i tell the kids?

[red67]

Dog gone

Let the new family keep the dog. At no point EVER should an animal be used or abused for someone's enjoyment. It sounds like you need to get out of there too. Believe me your kids will and probably are suffering if it is as bad as you say. Do yourself, your children and your pets a favor. Kick him out or take kids and pets and leave.

Do you have family or friends who can help you get a plan together?

[whitemarshmom]

Dog gone

i do need to leave. but the fear of the unknown has me frozen.... I have posted on newbies nest and upteenth quit. Someone posted " everything you want is on the other side of fear"
how do i get thru the fear, fear of losing my job ( new CEO, already 40 people laid off) afraid of what DH can and will use against me in regards to my Alcoholism. afraid of not being able to make it on my own. afraid , afraid of losing my kids. He is a bitter, vindictive, spiteful unsupportive person, blames me for everything, ie the sky is the wrong color... i am gong to work my way out of here as soon as i start my AF day 1. everyone said make a plan , and i am leaving for work travel on Monday thru Thursday, i have a great book that i cant wait to catch up on, as i never ever have a break from the kids unless i am travelling. I thank you all for your support. The dog deserves better and so do me and the kids :l

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Dog gone

Hi White Marsh, I don't spend much time on the Newbie's Nest, so I'm not familiar with your life story... how old are your children? You said that they weren't attached to the dog, so you may want to say that Gage is staying with another family and watch their reaction-

As for the dog, like children, they live through their "terrible twos" and that is the stage that Gage is in. I have 5 dogs (4 more than my husband agreed to, ), and one is a rat terrier (similar in personality to a jack russel). He is now 14 and has settled down..

Fear. The thing is, White Marsh, fear is like dandruff. If you are looking, many people have dandruff, and when you don't notice it, it's not noticeable... but once you suspect there's dandruff, you notice it- in the hair, on the shoulders, on the sports coat... YUCK!

You can certainly overwhelm yourselves with all of the things you mentioned above, but if you try to look at all of them at once, you'll freeze in place. Maybe you can pick the "easy things" to fix first... or focus on the happy parts of your family life, like your relationship with your children?

Make it your mission this weekend to find some laughter... your husband's bitterness is nothing to be afraid of, but something you guys need to work on together. Maybe put the weekend activities into the hands of your children: "what do you want to do this weekend?" and give them both a day to plan... sometimes it's through the eyes of children that we remember our own happiness.

Hugs! :l Patty