Hanging on, barely, in Asia

[Guest]

Wow I have had a rough day! We have had a terrible time with a bunch of hassles today regarding our trip, work, you name it. My son is hanging in fine and just went out and tracked down NA beer in Thailand! I looked it up on the internet and some guy said if he had it he would probably have to add a few shots to it. Well anyway I have not wanted a drink so badly in my near five weeks of sobriety. WOW it was powerful and I decided that Campral doesn't work at all but I think the very fact that my son is on this journey with me and the fact that I had no idea what mixing Campral and Alcohol would do I managed to get through a few very tough hours. He just offered me one of his NA beers and my stomach did a flip flop. I did eat a mars bar though. I am absolutely amazed how powerful an 'urge' is under stress. I am also not proud that I made it through it but a bit scared of the future. Things were so totally screwed up for a few hours and all I could think of was drinking... One does wonder how on earth that could have helped! but it was the most available compelling crutch I could imagine. I have had periods of abs over the years, one time for a year and a half. I am so fed up with the drunk me versus the sober me that I am willing to splurge my last buck on supplements or whatever else it will work. I just wrote to AA in Madras to see if they can help me track down Campral there, I have also searched the web for anything else I can find. I turned to the board because I really needed to chat a bit about it. I am now going to go to the bookstore as I feel like I just survived a Tsunami or something. I no longer feel as though I should drink, or could drink. Unfortunately I cannot say that I don't want to drink. I hope that this too shall pass! Fortunately most of the bs that we were going through has passed over. Thanks for hearing me out as I really needed to post!

Lefty

[Guest]

Hanging on, barely, in Asia

Hey true, stay strong...the stress is talking and it's crying out for the relax....and you're out of the supps, the gaba and stuff...you can do this, you've done so well! Tye some deep breathing too...in for four through your nose, with your lower stomach getting larger and out for four through your mouth...do this with stress too and it will help release some of that from your body. Or, find a rubber room and just make a fist and punch something really hard a couple of times...:lol

[Guest]

Hanging on, barely, in Asia

Hanging on

Thanks for writing so quickly. I should really count my blessings that with all of the traveling and all that has been going on that I have only had this one bad day. I have gone out twice for walks today and bangkok is definately not the place to try to get a grip on things. The hotel lobby is lovely and the bar is oh so warm and inviting looking. I did have a diet coke. Once I hit the streets though the music is roaring and their is alcohol everywhere. Finally I drank an NA beer which was really scary to consume. Honestly the first few sips is horrific but in the end I finished it and I think it gave me a headache. So I am hanging in but wow I hate this 'hanging in' feeling. I thought that campral had left me immuned to this crazy feeling ever again in life. Well I guess we all live and learn. I have never taken a day of this without feeling really grateful that I have no cravings but wow this has been hard. I really feel that we are a pretty exclusive group if someone actually can relate to that 'itch' I am talking about! Craving is hardly the word for it but it is night time here and I am going to try to read and get some sleep. I hope that tomorrow will be a much better day as I am off to India. I hope this finds you all stong and urge free! Lefty

[Guest]

Hanging on, barely, in Asia

Re: Hanging on

Hey Lefty
You have been doing soooo great. Hang in there. The most important thing is that you made it! You had one beer but other than that you beat the cravings! Oh, and we all understand what you are talking about - that "itch" - do we ever!
Don't despair. Just remember that campral is a very effective drug and has worked for you - but there will be rough days here and there, I am sure. At least its not everyday right!?
Take care
Jen

[Guest]

Hanging on, barely, in Asia

Re: Hanging on

I can totally relate to what you're saying, Lefty.... I had a bad couple of days last week and perhaps "compulsion" is a better word for what I experienced...it was just pulling me.... I, too, am on Campral and actually I think it has helped overall--but I think that when there is some serious stress we revert to "coping" in the way we have always "coped"--by drinking.... I think it probably has something to do with various hormones and amino acids that course through our systems when we experience stress--and THAT is what really makes us physically crave alcohol or something that will take the feelings that are literally biologically produced by stress hormones, etc....

For me, not only do I keep in mind the person I don't want to be again (the drunk susan), but also I keep reminding myself that there is a PHYSICAL, BIOLOGICAL reason for me to be craving the way I am at that moment...for some reason, it helps me to know that just as there is a physical basis for what I'm feeling--it takes away the feeling that I am a failure, a loser, a hopeless drunk, all those terrible negative feelings of guilt and shame we are so used to beating ourselves up with....

It really DOES get better, but I also think we have to be realistic and realize that our metabolic makeup really IS different than so-called "normal" people--and, for me, that makes a big difference in the way I experience those inevitable moments/days when I just want to drink away all the sh*t happening in my life...besides, we KNOW how THAT works, don't we! Congratulations on making it through such a rough time the fact that you were able to this time will make it just that little bit easier the next time.....remember, we are works in progress....:h

Hope that when you get up and read this you are feeling better...sending you good vibes from NYC....

hugs, susan

[Guest]

Hanging on, barely, in Asia

Hanging on

Woke up to a bright new morning and was so relieved that all I drank was a non alcoholic beer! I also went over and over many things in my mind yesterday about the physical and chemical reactions to stress and also reminded myself that this is normal for someone with the 'condition' I am so terribly releived I made it through the night! I feel much better and am getting ready to go to the airport. Thanks for writing take care, Lefty