ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

[K9Lover]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Mama - Congrats on the headhunter!!!! WOW....$30K more a year??? That's like more than I make now. LOL Are you going to consider it???

Yes another pregnancy, but this girl is nothing like our precious little 'Tucky. She is a Chemist and her husband works at City Hall and they have been trying for a long, long time. They are very happy. Good for them, just glad it ain't me. Of course no chance of that happening..........LOL

Nora, I hear ya about the pill. I don't want that to be the only reason I don't drink....I want to NOT WANT to drink, like I used to. It's very frustrating :upset:

[sunshinedaisies]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

I think the head-hunter thing sounds awesome MB - but you obviously do a great job !! And if someone there does spout off, you need to tell them that they are 'all mouth and trousers '!! LOL

Thanks K9 for your comment re struggling too - I did TTDP this morning - I took it before I didn't if you follow ...... it is really getting to me - I just cannot see an end in sight. I thought that you had it nailed !! So am sorry to hear that you are also having trouble. I HATE the way I feel when I drink. All it does is give me a bad nights sleep .....

Liz - yes, I suppose any day without AL is a good day - but I just cannot get over the down in the dumps feeling today. IF I TTDP, then I am fine - it is really amazing - I do not have cravings and do not miss it - so WHY can't I do it without taking the pill? It upsets my tummy and I hate having to watch what I eat .....

I love David Hawkins and he has said in the past that unless you clobber that FIRST thought of AL on the head, then you WILL drink ...... which is why I took the pill this morning .....

Nora - I agree - but I need to take the pill to kick start me into actually stopping - I am hoping that once I get into a routine with it and do not drink, that I can then stop taking it. I only take it every third or fourth day anyway..... but then if I do not take another, will drink instead of taking another .....

Hate to go on about this today - but I really feel I need to talk about it. I am not okay with it even if I did used to drink daily - I drink too much when I do drink which is a huge change for me - I never ever used to do that - but I seem to have lost my stop button - well, not lost it 'cos I don't get drunk still - but cannot stop at 3 or 4 any more ..... I sleep really badly - and I mean REALLY badly when I drink - have night sweats and lay there awake half the night - so WHY DO I DO IT ?

SIGH......... I am sorry -

Hugs, Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Cross post K9 - gosh yes I too want to NOT want to drink - and once I have taken that pill, that is pretty much the way it is !!! I just need to get my head into this and DO it !!

Hugs to you :l

[LavenderBlue]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Mama Bear, it's (the not drinking!) has still been going so far! I keep reminding myself that brain fog from being AF is still better than brain fog 'cause I was drinking. Mostly I've been stuffing my face or getting up to walk around when a craving hits; seriously I have no idea when I've ever eaten this much but it does help! Thank goodness I actually like salads, heh.

As for seeming together in general; well usually when I'm really feeling nutty is also when I walk away from the computer. Being here is good for me, but I'm someone who can sit online ALL DAY if I'm not careful so I have to watch that, too! There's going easy on myself and then there's escaping from things I need to deal with.

Wait a bit til I have to start dealing with my financial stuff; ugh. I have student loans that are only on hold because I'm unemployed. I need to get a job, but because I was drinking through so much of the loan stuff I don't even know who I need to call to make sure no one thinks I'm trying to pull a fast one. That's the other thing I hate about where my drinking got me; I used to have perfect credit and let me tell you it is TANKED now. :/

But one day at a time and one step at a time, right?! I read something either here or in one of the books I threw onto my Kindle this week that the human body is actually made to handle stress and to remember that it's not made to need AL to handle it. I've got clinical anxiety so I don't know that I agree all of us are "made" to handle stress well without some help, but it stuck with me that we're not "made" to need AL, either.

[fennel]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Sun, Nora and K9....:l

Sun, we drink because alcohol really gets that dopamine or whatever that "feel good" chemical is, going...at first. So, about the first thirty minutes of drinking is pretty awesome. The trick is remembering the following moments...of losing control, typing or saying stuff we wouldn't ordinarily say, and the horrid waking up in the night or the next morning feeling dehydrated and disgusted and just plain sick.

That first "feel good" response is so powerful, but if we give our poor brains a chance, after a while, we can feel good without A.

The unfortunate part is that for a while, most of us suffer from "anhedonia" or an inability to feel good. So, the reasons to drink are powerful to us.

At least, that's my take on it.

[fennel]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Cross post, LB.

[paulywogg]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Hey all,sorry for everybody who's struggling,Nora i hate to see you say you almost feel like you've given up,as for TTFP,who cares if that's the only reason someone isn't drinking?i'm having a few issues myself that i don't know are campral related or just the regular 3 week feelings,ugh this is so frustrating! i felt kinda shaky off and on at work,i feel spacey,but then i always feel like that around this time,Sunshine,you seem like you really want to be/stay sober,i know that ugly drink sleep feeling,it's horrendous,the only time i didn't get that way was to drink to excess and pass out,only to have it hit me during the day instead,i just can't have any,i cannot fail again

[mama bear]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Brilliant explanation Fennel. It makes complete sense.
Hubs bought me a cheap little trinket to make me smile. Stiff going on at work I haven't even talked about.
K9, I might consider a change, but there are LOTs of questions to be answered first.
I think it's awesome the way we support each other and talk. Sun, it's good to have you here to keep is focused.
Jack is still in the box, and tomorrow is another day!
I love you all

[K9Lover]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Thanks everyone for your understanding today...it DOES help to talk about it!

I am off tomorrow (every other Friday)...another perk of my new job I do love it here, everyone is super nice and the day flies by.

If I don't check in from home tomorrow I will try to over the weekend.

Love you guys!

[Nursie]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Hello steppers,
No don't worry Pauly, I was not offended at all! And I agree sunshine, whatever happens will be. Not going to stress it! Yes I am quite busy, all the time. In a way it's good, but I would like things to slow down a bit so I had the energy to do more around the house when I need to. Or maybe I'm just lazy? No that can't be, I'm a maniac the rest of the time with working, parenting, cooking, now making hot sauce, (hey maybe I will make some money!)
I'm sorry K9 and Nora and anyone else struggling. I'm not drinking but I'm not TTFP either.
I'm feeling good health wise, and my head is clear which makes me so much more productive. At work anyway!
Home is messy. I wish I had a cleaning lady.
Mama! I commented on your headhunter post!! I beat Niner to it!! Lol
Ok off to give the little one a bath and read this book. I think I may have read it already but not sure lol. It's called the good house.

[coriander]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Morning all, a clear day ahead yay for spring.
Thanks for the tip Sunni re auto suggest, will follow your advice and try to turn it off.....i messaged Jane27 a while back, saying i was going to go into town to use free wifi , lucky i checked as it read free wife!!!

I don't mind being called corgi, mama, made me laugh!

Yeah well I'm struggling too. I so hear you Sunni on the lack of "stop" .
It's sorta nice to know I'm in good company here. Just knowing how good it feels to NOT drink serves as a reminder to me, but that bloody wine bottle calls loudly around 4 o'clock! Best defence i have is to not have any alcohol in the house. End of discussion.

Fen , that was a very good explanation. Very good.

[Dottie Belle]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Hi all,
So sorry so many are struggling..I have been having a mental battle going on....just too much stress .
Walking seminar was kind of a bust...I could have taught it....so onward to the running group next week. Maybe that will take my mind off the stress and thoughts of how wonderful that glass of wine would taste....and I know all too well that it would never, ever, never end with just one....sigh.

[sunshinedaisies]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Thanks fen - that is something I need to write down BIG by my computer - it made a lot of sense and explains why after that first half hour or so, it just doesn't cut it for me any more .......

I HAVE to remind myself of the time (hours) AFTER that first half hour !! Ironically enough I get anhedonia (had to google it - LOL) from drinking !!! I used to enjoy it but my therapist and I did a lot of work on the whys and wherefores and got rid of me getting pleasure from it - no idea how she did that but it worked - 'cos I DO NOT ENJOY IT ANY MORE. Apart from that first half hour or so ...... and by then it is too late.

Dottie - Lav posted on another thread about that you are NOT denying yourself anything - this is a LIFE CHOICE. And that AF is something we want because we can't have AL in a healthy way - I loved both of those things and have them written down - it reminded me of them when you were saying about the glass of wine that you couldn't have ....

And yes Cori - the best defence is to not even have it in the house. Of course it is too easy to go and get some - but having TTDP, I won't !! I AM going to do this this time.

good for you Nursie being AF and not 'cos you are TTDP - which you aren't. How are you managing it ? Just 'cos you are ? Good for you ......

Yes Pauly - I really really do want to be AF now ..... I am just so fed up with the constant merry go round of the whole thing. I want to do so much other stuff with my life and when I drink, I don't do any of it .....

So..... now you all know what I am feeling - I have wanted to say something for a while but no-one ever seemed to talk about it - I am really glad I finally did. Thanks everyone for your input .....

Sun XX

[Zenstyle]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Hiya guys!

It's dead late here... we just finished watching The Hobbit (yeah, I know... ancient!). I got an HDMI cable and hooked my Netflix up to the sitting room TV and it's been a bit of a hit... LOL

We have some other family in for a fleeting visit, they'll be leaving for Glasgow in the morning.

Nursie, thank you very much for the info, really helpful. Fenny... I called them about the lidocaine patches, I think it's a really good idea but still to ascertain if they do them here. I went in to the surgery and got their schedule and will wait till the Doc that came out on Wednesday is back on Monday to talk with her. They switched her to Tramadol but it doesn't seem to be effective. Thanks to both of you... XXXX :h:h:h

We managed to get some tourist stuff in today (yesterday). We went here, there and everywhere finishing off with some extremely BAD music played by local musicians that meet once a month. When I say bad, I mean BAD! LOL We did a hefty hike in extremely strong winds and rain, I could hardly see cos my eyes were running so bad... conditions like those make you glad you have a car to get back into. We're going to go for another big walk tomorrow. Last year I had a really bad knee issue going on and I couldn't do all this... I'm happy to be able to galavant up and down the hills and dales this year.

I'm in bed with Jack at the mo... just about to go down and switch off the lights etc. and turn in proper. And have a read-back... but I may not respond till the morning.

Love youz!

p.s. We visited some of these today... Blackhouse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia And met a guy that weaves tweed on one of the remaining 16 really old looms on the island... an old "single bolt" loom.

[fennel]

ONE STEP AT A TIME... AUGUST, 2014

Zen, I'm glad your knees aren't messed up for this visit- there's nothing like getting a good hike in. I wish the weather was a bit more cooperative for you!

I really hope that Scotland has those lidocaine patches...they are really helpful! I hope your mum can find some relief, as there is nothing worse than chronic pain.

The Scottish "Blackhouses" look very similar to some that I saw in Ireland- even down to animals and people sharing the same abode. I really wish that walls could talk.

I have never seen "The Hobbit", although I read all the Tolkien books when I was a teenager. Maybe I will have to take a look at some of the movies.

I hope the weather improves!