Friends vs Drinking Buddies

[Happy Now]

Hey All--

It's no surprise, I suppose, that when you have a lifestyle change, like no longer being a drunken fool, your "friends" list changes.

It doesn't take long in sobriety to discern who is a friend and who is (was) a drinking buddy. There were so many people that I simply NEVER see anymore.
Not that it's a bad thing; it's a necessary thing.

Even the most obtuse among us usually see that suddenly you have nothing in common with these people. Except drinking. SO there you have it.

I would agree that there are people with whom you have imbibed who can remain a friend. I would venture to say that these are the people whose life does not revolve around alcohol and alcohol-related events.

And speaking of events--WOW! There is so much more to DO! A tremendous amount of time becomes available when you are not drinking, drunk, or recovering from being drunk.

That's my $.02 for the day........

[Alky]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

Hi Happy, you are absolutely right. I'm coming up on two months sober and am busier than I have been in a long time. Which leaves me wondering when did I ever have time to be drunk and passed out???

I had a friend/drinking buddy/grad school classmate call me recently. He spent about 20 minutes talking about himself. When he finally asked me what was going on in my life, I told him I went to detox and rehab and am continuing outpatient therapy. Telling that to a "friend" slash drinking buddy has the same effect on them that crosses and garlic have on a vampire. He couldn't get off the phone fast enough. Thankfully, (at least in my experience), we're not the ones that have to make the decision to sever these ties.

[YouKayBee]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

I had to get rid of the 'drinking buddies' and it was actually they that finally pushed me over the edge, they contributed to my 'rock bottom' turning point. It was hard getting rid because they wouldn't let go, but with the stubbornness of an alcoholic I was able to overcome it.

Other friends became used to me drinking less and they understand completely if I want to keep myself safe. Activities are no longer centred around drinking and the true friends I had when I got into recovery have actually found their intake plummeting - well if you are with someone with no interest in pubs or bottles of wine with meals, yours is going to reduce or you are just going to end up on your lonesome!:H

There's also a whole lot of people who just aren't 'drinkers' which is something you don't realise until you are there yourself.

[Happy Now]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

You guys get it

I guess you have to be one of US to get it HAHA--

And Alky--speaking of when did we have time for all that--there's also the $$$$.
Out for "drinks" after work of course becomes 10 drinks, then dinner, then picking up the tab for the whole damn crowd.LOL RIDICULOUS and expensive.

I have mentioned it before, that my sister lives with a hoarder/drunk. He drinks EVERY day. I know a lot of peopl do but jeez! I felt sick and tired often enough, but EVERY DAY?
Sad

[Byrdlady]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

So true, You.
There is a whole sub-culture of people out there who just don't drink and think nothing of it! I used to think the whole world drank, but in reality, I saw what I wanted to see (misery loves company). If you like horses, you hang out in barns....if you like drinking, you hang out in bars! The whole healthier lifestyle thing comes into play, too...eating better foods than 'bar foods' is now important.

I still work with a lot of the heaviest drinkers I know. They don't answer their phone after 5 o'clock I notice and rarely get any emails from them at night. We all work from home, so it's not like they leave an office. I made it a point NOT to do any work after I had started drinking, so hopefully, no one would notice careless mistakes or slurry voicemails. It is a lifestyle change for sure, but one that I love so much more. I feel normal and alive!!! Byrdie

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

Alky,
I remember about 7 years ago, when I first was considering that I MIGHT have a problem- it took all of my courage to tell my "best friend" co-worker that I was going to quit drinking. His response?

Something like, "Well you can quit drinking when I'm not around, but when we travel together, you are getting pushed off the wagon!"

Sigh... with friends like that, you don't need enemies.

Great topic, Happy Now!

[autumn]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

I agree, I lost my really close friends about a year ago. It was a combination of my drinking/quitting cycle and a huge row about a family matter. (v.complicated)

They are heavy drinkers too. After sending me to coventry for a year, one of them called to see how I was after having an Al seizure. It felt like she was after all the gory details to make notes and compare to her drinking. Then discussing at length with the others.

I asked to talk about the row and she brushed it off and told me "we would talk, about it when she got the old me back". I put the phone down stunned, I don't want the old me back. I want to hang out with the new me, the sober one who is very happy right now.

I am still deciding whether to walk away from nearly 30 years of friendship.

[Byrdlady]

Friends vs Drinking Buddies

Autumn, like you say, with friends like that who needs enemies?? I'd walk away, there are plenty of other kind hearted people out there looking for friendship for all the RIGHT reasons.
Yours reminds me of a time when I worked in an office and was really struggling to lose weight and had begun to do it! I'd taken off 15 pounds or so and one of the other office workers was really jealous of it. One day we were sitting eating our lunch (mine was 2 cucumber sandwiches and hers was a giant bean burrito) and she got up to change the tv channel and plopped her burrito into my lap! Can you imagine just how petty this is? She did that so I would cave, but I didn't. That really showed me what she was made of.

I surround myself with people who build me up and support me....not the ones trying to see me fail. Life is way too short to waste on people like that. B