To love or not to love?

[Nautilus]

Do you think it's fair for a closeted alcoholic to enter into a potentially significant romantic relationship without revealing early on that they have this issue?

I think it is not okay. And I am currently in this potential position. There is a potential romantic relationship, that could be significant, at my doorstep. But I am an alcoholic (by standard definition), playing the part of normal social drinker, who wants very much to not be an alcoholic, but the potential partner is a social drinker....

I think that if I were a non-addict, I would feel betrayed and dismayed if I fell in love with someone who knew they had a problem and did not reveal it early on.

Do I spill the beans here in these early days? Do I simply retreat? It seems entirely irresponsible to just let things progress.

what do you think?

[available]

To love or not to love?

Its a hard one Nautilus and really you have already given your answer being "you would not like it if it was not revealed to you". Maybe with support and your determination you can change your life around for the better but having al out of the question for your romance to be anything is a must. You will eventually get found out, we are not that good at hiding our drinking, we only think we are.

best of luck.

[Ginger999]

To love or not to love?

Honesty is always the best policy....

[autumn]

To love or not to love?

Hi Nautilus,

I would definitely say please don't hide it from them. Which ever option you choose, will be your choice, do you continue to hide it, fess up, or quit for your own well-being. Maybe they will be able to not drink around you?

I was a heavy drinker when I met my husband, and over the years he has watched it spiral out of control. I hate everything I put him through, it was hell. I wish I had been more honest with him and myself a whole lot earlier.

I think though you already know the answer. I hope it works out for you, please keep us updated.

[kronkcarr]

To love or not to love?

It seems you know your answer. This would have been an anxiety producing conversation for me when I was over drinking. I'd have probably drank in order to start the conversation.

I have a friend who is 21 years sober in AA and he has always been forthcoming about his sobriety. I don't know where you are on your journey. If it's appropriate to make a plan that could help you and her acceptance. If it were me I'd state facts and leave the details of my horrid drinking behavior out of it.

Good luck.

[Ginger999]

To love or not to love?

Would you really let the nasty beast of AL take away your opportunity to possibly be with the love of your life? Like someone else said, you don't have to air all the dirty laundry of your drinking, just the facts of your addiction and build your relationship from there.