Build up...Break Down

[OverIt2007]

Hi everyone. I have been thinking about this lately, and wondered if anyone might feel the same. I feel like my life is a process of build up, and break down. For example, I feel so great about myself when I have a few days of sobriety under my belt. I enjoy going to the gym and eating healthy, and I feel beautiful inside and out. Then I get the drinking involved due to habit or whatever, and then I feel like a total loser and a failure. I feel ugly and fat, like I really have nothing to offer to anyone. I avoid other people and really dont want to do much until I feel good about myself again, which usually takes a full day of rest and recovery.

I think about other people without drinking problems, and just cannot imagine how life would be without the "break downs". I seem to be addicted to the highs and the lows, never fully understanding how life could be with just the highs. Could it be possible we cause the lows for ourselves so we can experience the highs? Im just thinking outloud today, thanks for reading!

P.S. I think I am doing better lately....thanks to all of you!

[weemelonhead]

Build up...Break Down

Hi Overit...
Yup...I fully agree...I think for some reason, some of us need quite extremes of 'feeling' to keep us going..
I remember when I first went AF...I felt absolutely flat...sort of nothing, empty....and defined it as 'boring'...so THIS was life without booze was it????? No 'excitement' ????

I now LOVE that feeling....every day is a calm, rollercoaster free trip...it's great to feel so 'normal' (no comments please Lushie!!)...my mind is peaceful, and I am a lot more able to cope with the 'real' ups and downs that life throws at me more rationally.....before, EVERY little 'calamity' used to send me spinning into neurosis, I was a wreck...always flipping out at the slightest little thing...so unused to coping with anything without my wine...

I don't need any lows to tell me how good I feel now....I've really learnt to balance myself more.....it does come in time Overit...it just takes a bit of getting used to
Keep going sweetie xxx

Weemelonhead x

[paraniod]

Build up...Break Down

I think that I understand. How I sum it up for myself is a little bit opposite though. I have ups and then if there are too many down's that is when I go on my bender. I feel that there is a difference between some of us that are down on ourselves because of a few drinks more regularily and some that are upset because of the non ability to stop at a few sometimes.
I hope I am making sense. I am new and trying to figure it all out.

I am not going to edit what I said because I think it warrants some of my feelings. But after rereading your post I see the different levels that you are talking about. YES, I do believe that I need to have up's and down's in order to get back to being "normal" without being bored.