So what can I enjoy?

[MisterSaunders]

I'm feeling really low today. I haven't had a drink in over 100 days, not have a smoked. I quit drinking because I wanted to come off my SSRI's as I believed that the use of one encouraged the use of the other in my case, and I quit smoking because I wanted to.

I'm 22 years old, and I didn't want to face giving up for life, so I thought I'd do 100 days and see where I was.

Here I am.

More depressed than I was before, and fed up. In the absence of alcohol, I have been on sugar binges and gambled at times (Albiet not with much money or loss of control).

Today, I'm thinking that I will have to abstain from sugar, as well as everything else. Add that to alcohol, smoking, gambling, porn, and you've got a pretty substantial list.

I know many people reading this are probably thinking that I shouldn't complain so much, as many of you have gone through the same. Fine. Let me have my moan. I'm pissed off. I'm 22, and I've lost all my social life, my grandparents are mystified that I aren't eating sugar (I'm in good shape so they don't get it and I aren't explaining).

Am I really going to have to abstain from sugar for Christ sake?! It's just ridiculous. I was happier when I was giving in to my urges.

[Byrdlady]

So what can I enjoy?

Have you checked out the sugar free challenge thread? NoSugar wrote the book on the whole issue of sugar and alcoholism. She is a wonderful resource.
Also, please come join us on the 100 day maintenance thread! It is normal to hit a flat spot after reaching milestones, however, if you will push forward, you will be so glad you did. Congratulations on reaching this, over on the roll call thread I would typically give you the One Fingered Salute to AL! :finger: Thats to AL! Great job! Hope you feel a little brighter soon! Byrdie

[Eloise]

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Well, I fully understand how today just sucks and seems completely lame, bbuuutt you are doing the right thing for yourself and you know it. Please dont loose hope in your future. There are so many people here who would love to have quit drinking at 22, dude YOU have done it. And that is amazing.
Just get through today, brighter days are ahead and eventually you will resume a newl improved social life.

:monalisa:

[Eloise]

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Question- were you drinking & taking zoloft? I took that stuff for a seizure disorder and I was so dizzy and sleepy all the time. All of these meds take a lot out of you. Its great you are off everything, commendable!

[Eloise]

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Some words of wisdom from Mario I wanted to share mistersaunders :l

People get in trouble when they let their guard down after their early-absitence success. It is important that you not take your sobriety for granted and that your recognize the power of your addiction. Maintaining a recovery-oriented attitude is critical.
It is also important your participation in support groups and that you remain honest with yourself and others about your feelings and thoughts. Changes in attitudes, feelings and behaviors can quickly lead you to a relapse.
A relapse does not begin when you pick up a drink . It's a gradual process marked by negative changes in your attitude, feelings and behaviors. If you find yourself in the downward relapse spiral, do something different! Go to more support group meetings, spend time with others who support your recovery, maintain a heatlhy structure in your life, make sure you are in a drink-free environment and avoid external triggers. Take positive action to resolve any relationship, personal or work-related problems that are causing you stress.

[NoSugar]

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Hi, Mister

All the things you've given up - substances and behaviors - are things that try to fire up dopamine. However, too much stimulation from all these things is too much "noise" so the dopamine receptors get down regulated, dopamine's effects are no longer felt, and it is impossible to feel happy or experience pleasure.

To heal, you probably do need to cut out the added sugar - it is prolonging the problem for you. It is likely that you will feel better after you eliminate it although it is tough to break the cycle. But worth it!

There are some supplements that could help as well as practices such as yoga and meditation. Julia Ross' The Mood Cure might be a resource for you.

All the best, NS

[MisterSaunders]

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Thank you for your advice all.

I'm not ready for this. Any of it. No one around me can comprehend what I am doing, and neither can I. I am not in a place where I can live without alcohol or sugar or cigarettes with no anti depressants or any crutch. I'm not. I'm just not.

I have never felt as low as I do now, even after the biggest drinking binges.

"Rebuild your social life" is a great buzz phrase that gets thrown at me. It's not that fucking simple. I'd be doing that if I could. I go to the pub and drink coke, listen to a tirade of "have a drink" and "you aren't an alcoholic you're too young" for a hour and go home. That's not about to change.

Get some new friends? Yeah I'll just do that. Why didn't I think of tapping in to the bountiful pit of other teetotal 22 year olds!!

No sugar?! Really? For life? Christmas pudding? Birthday cake?

Fuck that. I'm sick of having to deny myself everything I enjoy.

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

I'm sorry for ranting. I needed to rant.

[NoSugar]

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Ranting is fine. I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed. It is very understandable and normal.

Would you consider taking the medication without the addictive substances and behaviors? Many people here take anti-depressive or -anxiety medications because they need them. They have a much better chance of helping you if you're not in an active addiction.

No one here will say this is easy but we would like to help you if we can.

[Pie]

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Well done on your 100+ days, MisterSaunders! I wish you were feeling better, but glad you came here to rant about how you really do feel.

I agree with NoSugar about reconsidering anti-depressants, though finding the one that does the trick for you can take some time. Some people really do need a serotonin booster. I'm one of them, and happy as a clam now that alcohol is out of my life.

Best,
Pie

[Byrdlady]

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Mister, I just went back and read your first posts for background
I took SSRI's for 5 years and I do think that contributed to my AL problem. However, I had a problem before that, but the AD's didn't help matters at all, so congratulations on getting yourself off that AND AL! The fewer meds I take,the better I feel.
Your body is doing an awful lot of healing and adjusting. You HAVE to admit that being sober is 1000 times better than the pit of Alcoholism. Being tied to a bottle sucks. Anxiety over the NEXT drink and all the hiding and lying put us in a really bad place. You have just ended a very important relationship with AL. It was a MAJOR relationship and it ended without your really wanting it to. If you think about it, there are various stages of grief. Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like you may be in the depression zone of this process. You can trust me, if you stick at it, you will come out the other side and be in a very good place. That place is ACCEPTANCE. Yes, I am am alcoholic, and that is ok, I do accept that. I cant drink because I do not know when to stop. Thats's ok, too. I am no longer dependent on a substance to control my feelings...I CONTROL THEM. Stay the course and you will not be sorry. it is hard not to throw, attend and want to stay at a pity party, bit that serves NO purpose. Can you try and turn things around by adopting a sense of gratitude? Getting and staying sober is a mindset....it can be a difficult journey or one thats easier....if you can accept what has happened and change your thinking to one of being grateful, it may really help, I know it did for me. Please join us over in the newbies nest, its a busy place and you will make new friends there. You are NOT alone. Please hang in there...there in no future in the bottom of a glass, I checked. Hugs to you, Byrdie

[treetops]

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Well done on 100 days. I really feel for you being so young and I can understand how socially isolated this can feel.
Sorry folks but I disagree a bit with the others. I don't think you have to eliminate sugar completely. Unless your doctor gives you compelling reasons or you decide you want to. I now eat some sugar (ie Icecream , chocolate and sometimes cake) but I don't go overboard and the amount of sugar I eat does not seem to affect my mood. I can say this as an older woman who has had serious eating disorders and was on ADs for many years - as well as having an AL problem.
What has happened is that being AF helped me to put the eating issues in perspective. I haven't gained weight either - in fact have lost weight. So I would say some sugar may be fine but you might want to revisit the ADs if the depression lingers. We are all different and sugar may not be your enemy - just don't let it get too friendly with you.

[SKendall]

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Hi Mr. S.,

I too, got very depressed after giving up al and thought it would never end. I then put the hours of depression vs. the hours of hell I had spent with alcohol.

I do understand people who throw at you platitudes for starting a new life. It is difficult, more so as you become older. However, many alcoholics are immensely creative people who buried their creative nature in alcohol. No lectures but what is your passion.

As far as the No Sugar, more than 50% of alcoholics are hypoglycemic and have gotten their sugar fixes through alcohol. It is a mind blowing roller coaster. I followed the diet of 7 days to sobriety allowing my body protein in many forms every 2 hours and once my blood sugar was stabilized I wasn't vulnerable to the impulsive and destructive actions.

You have done extremely well, and I applaud you for that.

Keep us posted.

[SKendall]

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Just another thought. The Newbie's Nest is a great place to post, and I think Lizard (sp) has spoken recently of her experiences.

Mr. S., you are the same age as my son so I am very deliberate and caring of you. My son who is successful in his own right has just received Level III Sommelier ranking. He is the youngest in his field, but I'm also afraid of his constant exposure to "good wine".

I will look out for you.

[Sunbeam]

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I agree with Treetops. Probably most people on this site consume sugar. There is a group that is vocal, they feel it is better for them not to eat sugar. But you should do what works best for you. I enjoy eating whatever I like. I ate especially chocolate in my early AF days, that worked out fine. It is important to eat quality foods, try to stay away form processed foods. Vegetables are always great.