So what can I enjoy?

[Eloise]

So what can I enjoy?

Oh yeah, I can really empathize with you Mister.
If I hadn't of moved from the Caribbean to a place I know NO ONE, except my husband, I probably would still be drinking. I just wouldn't know where to go or what to do that didn't involve drinking.
Ranting is good.
And I do not recommend moving somewhere you know no one. Things got a lot worse for me before they got better.
So many societies where everything revolves around alcohol.

What about joining a sports team?
Forego the after parties for now? It is hard. No two ways about it. I do feel I want to congratulate you on your 100++ days... and wish I had more sound advise to offer.

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

Eloise;1702919 wrote: Oh yeah, I can really empathize with you Mister.
If I hadn't of moved from the Caribbean to a place I know NO ONE, except my husband, I probably would still be drinking. I just wouldn't know where to go or what to do that didn't involve drinking.
Ranting is good.
And I do not recommend moving somewhere you know no one. Things got a lot worse for me before they got better.
So many societies where everything revolves around alcohol.

What about joining a sports team?
Forego the after parties for now? It is hard. No two ways about it. I do feel I want to congratulate you on your 100++ days... and wish I had more sound advise to offer.

Thank you. I often think about moving away. I don't think it would be much different as I don't have any friends at the minute.

I'm in sports teams. I played today. I hate that I have to forego the social side after. It's not even a big drinking occasion, usually just a couple of pints and then home.

I think I'm going to try balcofen. I'm getting some naltrexone, which I used to use before this abstinence period. I can't see myself not drinking again, so I figure it's best to have naltrexone on hand. Alarm bells are probably ringing as you read this, but the fact of the matter is that I don't feel that lifelong abstinence is something I am ready for, and it wasn't the reason I started my 100 days challenge - it was to allow myself to safely come off my anti depressants.

Why did I come off them? Why don't I want to go on them again? Because I believe they triggered my alcohol problem. I didn't have one before AD's. I also gained 40lb of weight on them - cue additional anxiety and low self esteem. I abused them when I felt low, and ultimately they didn't really do anything to ease the OCD thoughts which precipitated my prescription.

I've lost 30lbs in the last 100 days and I feel better about my appearance. I could resume my social life then much of this anxiety and depression would subside, but it isn't that simple.

[Byrdlady]

So what can I enjoy?

Mister,
You are right about the alarm bells, when I read that you are not planning on an AF life mine fired up
If I can paraphrase from your first post on the thread, you fear you are substituting one addiction for another. Many of us have this trait. However, AL addiction doesn't just go away, its a lifelong party and we got an invitation. I contend that my ALK'Ism got worse while on AD's, but I HAVE the addiction nonetheless. I am still an alcoholic.
I know this site was founded on the drugs to help, but you are AF now without drugs now....those drugs have very serious side effects and are largely experimental. And really, do you think you can take those drugs for the rest of your life? The next 60 years? i can tell you, I fought this NOT drinking thing for a very long time and I have the battle scars to prove it. This disease is progressive, it does not improve on its own. It can be managed by not drinking. Period. You can try to outsmart this thing ( we have all tried) but you cannot fool addiction.
It is 1000 times harder to try and regain a quit than to maintain the one you have. This is the voice of bitter experience. Stay the course and you will never be sorry. For us, AL is poison and no good will come of it. If you really think about it, there was NOTHING FUN about it. Please check out the Rain in my Heart documentaries under the general discussion tab. They are eye opening. You may see yourself in them, I did. Thats the beauty of this site, you can see the past, present and future of your relationship with AL. If AL is involved, it only gets worse....guilt/ shame/ remorse live in that bottle. Stay sober!! hugs, B

[Eloise]

So what can I enjoy?

MisterSaunders please read carefully Byrdie's post.
You ARE not drinking without the help of medication.This is fantastic, I know you are still thinking about drinking all the time as the opportunity continues to present itself. It will never be unavailable. You need to accept that you like yourself, and life, better when you do not drink. Then it's suddenly all okay.
There are people out there that don't drink alcohol, now you are one of them. It doesn't make you any different than anybody else. You drink soda, they drink beer. Who cares?? No one and if they do then they are rather lame, sorry. Okay, let me be more polite, they are rather closed minded.

Try the supplements recommended here please? Check out the Healthstore. Try the kuduz and L-Glut. I take the the L-Glut, primrose, B complex and Calm forte, but I started with the starter pack for 2 months. Oh gosh, do yourself a favor and go get some of that stuff before going back to the pharmaceuticals.

Anti-depressents solve nothing unless you deal with the root of the problem anyway.
Sometimes we just have to live through stuff that makes us feel horrible. Believe me, I know how you feel. And the drugs made me fat too. It was almost funny. Here I was this little petite girl and I became a butterball within weeks. I look at pictures and see someone else. Very strange.

You need to find something else to focus your energy on. It is great you are into sports, keep at it! And you lost 30 pounds? My goodness you are really doing important things for yourself. Be PROUD of you mister! :kudos:

What do you do for work? Maybe there is a young lady you find interesting?
Drinking is not going to make you more charming to the ladies love, sorry, but nice girls don't want to a drinker. They want a guy they can count on and believe what he says. Why not become that guy? And, you don't want a girl that is in the pub all night either. You want someone that you can move up in the world with, share life! Do nice things, explore ... right?

Byrdie is right, this problem is not going anywhere and the ONLY choice you have is to tackle it. Take control of the situation, EXACTLY what you are doing right now.
Break things down, for now you aren't going to drink. This week, this month, this year. Make plans for your future! I am getting excited for all you could do and I haven't even met you!

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

Byrdlady;1702944 wrote: Mister,
You are right about the alarm bells, when I read that you are not planning on an AF life mine fired up
If I can paraphrase from your first post on the thread, you fear you are substituting one addiction for another. Many of us have this trait. However, AL addiction doesn't just go away, its a lifelong party and we got an invitation. I contend that my ALK'Ism got worse while on AD's, but I HAVE the addiction nonetheless. I am still an alcoholic.
I know this site was founded on the drugs to help, but you are AF now without drugs now....those drugs have very serious side effects and are largely experimental. And really, do you think you can take those drugs for the rest of your life? The next 60 years? i can tell you, I fought this NOT drinking thing for a very long time and I have the battle scars to prove it. This disease is progressive, it does not improve on its own. It can be managed by not drinking. Period. You can try to outsmart this thing ( we have all tried) but you cannot fool addiction.
It is 1000 times harder to try and regain a quit than to maintain the one you have. This is the voice of bitter experience. Stay the course and you will never be sorry. For us, AL is poison and no good will come of it. If you really think about it, there was NOTHING FUN about it. Please check out the Rain in my Heart documentaries under the general discussion tab. They are eye opening. You may see yourself in them, I did. Thats the beauty of this site, you can see the past, present and future of your relationship with AL. If AL is involved, it only gets worse....guilt/ shame/ remorse live in that bottle. Stay sober!! hugs, B

I really appreciate the passion that you speak with. It's heartwarming.

I'm not saying that I'm going to revert back to my darkest days, but I certainly want to try a pint at a point when I am AF - with a very short experimentation rope, and with naltrexone. That was what I set out to do over 100 days ago.

I don't experience total loss of control until a good way into a drinking session, but I'd feel the beast get fired up after a pint or two. At which point I intend to walk away - which I am capable of. Honestly. It's been difficult to do before, but I want to know what it's like not on AD's.

Thank you for caring for me. Perhaps you can allow me to have a different view of sobriety to yourself? I won't consider having this drink (which, incidentally may not be for weeks/months) to be a relapse, and I would appreciate it if you didn't either.

[YouKayBee]

So what can I enjoy?

Hi Saunders,

My question would be what then would you consider a relapse?

If you do end up having a drink then please, please use the naltrexone. I don't recommend anyone drinking for the sake of trying naltrexone/sinclair method BUT if you are going to anyways then may as well be with something that might eventually curb the alcoholism.

You sound to me like someone who really hasn't had their last drink, really isn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn't at 27, 28, 29 and 30. Took me a lot longer and a lot more heartache than that.

You equate social life to sitting in a bar. Others recommend sports clubs. I didn't really do either when I quit. What I found was that my friends changed, over time(and I mean over time) I made friends with people who didn't drink, or who did but had no problem NOT focussing meets around bars and pints of beer. We meet in coffee bars, or at each others houses and they know I don't drink and find themselves not bothering either. I have education courses, an individual sport, and over time had something happen that threw me into a completely different sport just by sheer chance. Did some voluntary work and now have a network of people I know. I sometimes go to standard social events but don't particularly like most of them so don't attend. I do like music and will go to see specific bands or a DJ but the focus is on the band not the boozing - although it might be the other way around for others. I am not afraid to leave early and know that any 'afterparties' are nothing but a return to the old like of misery for me. For me it's life or misery/death. Some of the stuff I did as a result of wanting to party on from mid-20s to mid-30s follows me around and will do for the remainder of my life. Perhaps it won't happen to you, or perhaps you need that to happen to you, I don't know but avoiding it is really good advice! Sure I had some great times, but they were/are outweighed by the destruction that my drug and alcohol use wrecked on my own and other people's lives.

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

YouKayBee;1703024 wrote: Hi Saunders,

My question would be what then would you consider a relapse?

If you do end up having a drink then please, please use the naltrexone. I don't recommend anyone drinking for the sake of trying naltrexone/sinclair method BUT if you are going to anyways then may as well be with something that might eventually curb the alcoholism.

You sound to me like someone who really hasn't had their last drink, really isn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn't at 27, 28, 29 and 30. Took me a lot longer and a lot more heartache than that.

You equate social life to sitting in a bar. Others recommend sports clubs. I didn't really do either when I quit. What I found was that my friends changed, over time(and I mean over time) I made friends with people who didn't drink, or who did but had no problem NOT focussing meets around bars and pints of beer. We meet in coffee bars, or at each others houses and they know I don't drink and find themselves not bothering either. I have education courses, an individual sport, and over time had something happen that threw me into a completely different sport just by sheer chance. Did some voluntary work and now have a network of people I know. I sometimes go to standard social events but don't particularly like most of them so don't attend. I do like music and will go to see specific bands or a DJ but the focus is on the band not the boozing - although it might be the other way around for others. I am not afraid to leave early and know that any 'afterparties' are nothing but a return to the old like of misery for me. For me it's life or misery/death. Some of the stuff I did as a result of wanting to party on from mid-20s to mid-30s follows me around and will do for the remainder of my life. Perhaps it won't happen to you, or perhaps you need that to happen to you, I don't know but avoiding it is really good advice! Sure I had some great times, but they were/are outweighed by the destruction that my drug and alcohol use wrecked on my own and other people's lives.

This post has really resonated with me. Thank you.

What would I consider a relapse? A single cycle of drinking, feeling anxious, drinking to relieve the anxiety. That is it.

I haven't had my last drink - I've been clear about that from the start. Perhaps I only need one more? Who knows.

My biggest issue at the minute is anxiety, present with or without drinking, so I am going to try balcofen to try and treat both.

PLEASE don't worry - I think I've made too big of a deal out of this, and I know that the very idea of thinking of returning to drinking is blasphemy in some circles, and perhaps rightfully so, but I don't intend on going back to the bar, becoming a regular again etc, and I won't! I need to know that having a drink without anti depressants will still be the same as it was when I was taking them. I need to know that. It's the reason I stopped.

I have changed my lifestyle. I play football both weekend days, I go to the gym the other 5 days and when I'm not at work or exercising I'm drawing portraits. I'm a busy bee. I'm not about to leap back into my old ways at the drop of a hat and nor should I have to fear such a relapse from having a drink I am sorry. I've quit smoking, and have had a cigar with my grandfather recently - I'm still a non smoker. Different, I know, but the sentiment is the same.

I really want CBT. I was referred, and I have chased it up, but I have heard nothing for a while so I'm not holding out for that. I'd take it at the drop of a hat when it becomes available though!

Thanks again

[available]

So what can I enjoy?

MS its not blasphemy, its called caring about another. I made the choice to stop drinking after a 20+ year career of it. My son who is 21 is/was a drinker. He stopped on his 21st and he has left the option to drink on occasions if he chooses. what he chooses not to do is drink alone or by himself. He doesnt have a problem as such but i can fast forward to twenty years from now and he will be in the same situation i was in and we have spoken at length about this. He does not want to be a drunk at 50 and when is the time to stop the cycle of drinking? if i had my life again i would be totally grateful to stop at 21 and enjoy a sober productive life. His anxiety was also through the roof but as time has gone on it has settled down. Time is what he has a lot of at his age, its not what i have at 50.

Only you can make the decision of what you want to do, we on here can only advise you of where you dont want to be in 30 years time and dont ever think you wont be. al has a way of getting into your life without you realising it, it has a tendency to take over your life without you realising it and it can destroy your life without you realising it.

I am a mother of 4 children, one is a recovering ice addict also who has not used for 18 months. I am hoping that the cycle of addiction will stop in our family. We dont need drugs or al to have fun or a life, i know i dont no but whatever my children do in their life i will support them but i will also tell them what al will do in years to come.

[YouKayBee]

So what can I enjoy?

MisterSaunders;1703030 wrote: This post has really resonated with me. Thank you.

What would I consider a relapse? A single cycle of drinking, feeling anxious, drinking to relieve the anxiety. That is it.

I haven't had my last drink - I've been clear about that from the start. Perhaps I only need one more? Who knows.

My biggest issue at the minute is anxiety, present with or without drinking, so I am going to try balcofen to try and treat both.

PLEASE don't worry - I think I've made too big of a deal out of this, and I know that the very idea of thinking of returning to drinking is blasphemy in some circles, and perhaps rightfully so, but I don't intend on going back to the bar, becoming a regular again etc, and I won't! I need to know that having a drink without anti depressants will still be the same as it was when I was taking them. I need to know that. It's the reason I stopped.

I have changed my lifestyle. I play football both weekend days, I go to the gym the other 5 days and when I'm not at work or exercising I'm drawing portraits. I'm a busy bee. I'm not about to leap back into my old ways at the drop of a hat and nor should I have to fear such a relapse from having a drink I am sorry. I've quit smoking, and have had a cigar with my grandfather recently - I'm still a non smoker. Different, I know, but the sentiment is the same.

I really want CBT. I was referred, and I have chased it up, but I have heard nothing for a while so I'm not holding out for that. I'd take it at the drop of a hat when it becomes available though!

Thanks again

You could find your own CBT therapist privately - I know it's nice to have the NHS there, but if it's going to be beneficial and you can afford it then you do have the choice and it's the relationship that has been shown to be more beneficial than the actual technique(that isn't a dis to CBT - but trying to explain it's finding the therapist who you get on with that's more important.

Glad it meant something to you. I was also told that time on your own is also important. Being comfy with yourself. Addicts tend to use drugs, alcohol, whatever to accompany them, or escape for periods of time. It's one reason they often take telephones, and tvs away in rehabs!:H

I've never smoked and I am decided to become drug and medication free when getting into recovery. Flipping hard at times, I want to scream look you lot I've got nothing and that's when the chocolate comes out but it's preferrable to the sh1t the other stuff brings with it!

Hope you're feeling ok today.:l

[Byrdlady]

So what can I enjoy?

YouKB, I know, it's like watching someone walk into a propeller. xo

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

Byrdlady;1703189 wrote: YouKB, I know, it's like watching someone walk into a propeller. xo

Thank you for that defeatist and patronising comment.

[little beagle]

So what can I enjoy?

MisterSaunders i just have to tell you this from my experience. My husband tries to moderate. Goes 3-4 months without and then thinks he can have just a little.
This has been going on for 4 years. That first little bit triggers a huge craving that cannot be stopped until he goes all out, spends his whole bank account, disappears for days, hurts himself, misses work, scares the crap out of me, and then he is left with empty pockets, regrets, and just plain heartbreak all around.
my advice? Don't jeopardize your quit. Protect it like your baby. Your life does depend on it.
Save yourself years of agony.

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

little beagle;1703202 wrote: MisterSaunders i just have to tell you this from my experience. My husband tries to moderate. Goes 3-4 months without and then thinks he can have just a little.
This has been going on for 4 years. That first little bit triggers a huge craving that cannot be stopped until he goes all out, spends his whole bank account, disappears for days, hurts himself, misses work, scares the crap out of me, and then he is left with empty pockets, regrets, and just plain heartbreak all around.
my advice? Don't jeopardize your quit. Protect it like your baby. Your life does depend on it.
Save yourself years of agony.

Thank you for that. I know it's tough. Im certainly going to try balcofen.

[Rusty]

So what can I enjoy?

Mister: I wanted to respond to your post that was directed at Byrdie's comment about walking into a propeller:

Thank you for that defeatist and patronising comment.

She was not being defeatist and patronizing. I think you misinterpreted what she said. She was speaking about her own experience. Many of us have had similar experiences to hers. Also, note how many years she has been sober. I also thought Available's comments were amazing:goodjob:...that AL can sneak into your life and destroy it without you knowing it. It almost destroyed mine. I've been sober for almost 2.5 years, and I am telling you, I didn't even see it spinning out of control.

Little Beagle's advice is also excellent. I had a friend like her husband. He is in his early 60s now and looks 20 years older. He chose not to quit drinking. He used to be so good looking and fun, and now he is this grumpy old man I can't stand to be around.

Mister, you came here for feedback, and that's what we are all giving you. We are also 30 or more years older than you are, so we are giving our best guidance in the hopes that maybe some of it will sink in for you, and that you DON'T make the same mistakes we did.

[MisterSaunders]

So what can I enjoy?

Rusty;1703209 wrote: Mister: I wanted to respond to your post that was directed at Byrdie's comment about walking into a propeller:



She was not being defeatist and patronizing. I think you misinterpreted what she said. She was speaking about her own experience. Many of us have had similar experiences to hers. Also, note how many years she has been sober. I also thought Available's comments were amazing:goodjob:...that AL can sneak into your life and destroy it without you knowing it. It almost destroyed mine. I've been sober for almost 2.5 years, and I am telling you, I didn't even see it spinning out of control.

Little Beagle's advice is also excellent. I had a friend like her husband. He is in his early 60s now and looks 20 years older. He chose not to quit drinking. He used to be so good looking and fun, and now he is this grumpy old man I can't stand to be around.

Mister, you came here for feedback, and that's what we are all giving you. We are also 30 or more years older than you are, so we are giving our best guidance in the hopes that maybe some of it will sink in for you, and that you DON'T make the same mistakes we did.

I did come here for feedback, and in the main I have been happy with what I have recieved. I Just don't equate having a drink with nal after withdrawing from ssris as means if experimentation as 'walking into a propellor blade', and I don't appreciate the comparison. I am much more experienced in this than you might think, and I'm not about to give up my progress - no, one drink will not do undo all my hard work. I know what I am likely to find - that uncomfortable driving force which I can and do resist. I don't go missing for days and I don't spend thousands of pounds. I'll try it. If it's still there then I'll put my drink down and carry on as I am.

Please give me some credit. I didn't start a thread debating if I should have a drink in the future or not.