Addressing the Reasons for drinking

[ScoobyDoo]

Irish wrote a great piece last week on reasons vs excuses. I'm reading an interesting book at the moment, and is making me see that I need to work out the underlying issues of why I overdo it on the weekends ie the underlying reason.

My family don't see it that I have a problem, other than the fact that it is bothering me - they all understand my frustrations and what I'm dealing with internally and alcohol doesn't cause any major undesirable mood changes in me or anything like that, so I think it's a bit of a silent and subtle problem which is why I seem to be the only one recognising a problem. I feel that I do have a distorted relationship with alcohol. Even my GP isn't taking me seriously about it and brushes it aside and tells me how she eats a block of chololate (we are friends as well as GP/Patient). I've kept the drink tracker log so I have a few months worth of solid written history.

Mr Scoobs thinks I overdo it sometimes, but he doesn't think it's enough for me to abstain altogether. He's a very switched on kind of guy and doesn't have a drinking problem himself.

Am I just living a self fullfilled prophecy about my drinking issues?

I tried the Topa for 10 days but I didn't feel that it was helping me, as I can now see that it's the psychological habit in the social situations that I really need to address.

Since joining MWO, I generally don't drink on weeknights anymore (we run instead of drinking which is good) but yet am not able to control it over weekends and say on a Saturday night BBQ/Dinner will have up to 2 bottles of wine... Not good!!

We just had a big party for my dad this weekend so now that it's out of the way, I am going to try the 30 day ABS again. This time, I am making sure for the next 4 weekends, that we don't have dinner parties etc that would normally involve alcohol. I will just try to distance myself from it and the associations.

I'm also thinking of researching for a good psychiatrist who specialises in alcohol addiction/abuse. Has anyone else found that by talking with a psych helpful in changing the patterns for abstaining?

Every week by the time Thursday rolls around I am walking on cloud nine, so why I have anything to drink on that Friday night is just absurd really. I admit that I love the feeling of being tipsy but the feeling of AF is awesome!

I still don't know whether MODs is an option for me. I'm actually just getting tired of contemplating the subject and thinking about it!

Ughh... thanks for reading my rant.

Scoobs

[Pisces]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Hi,

I know the feeling, I can be getting along very nicely, no thoughts of drinking, then something will happen or I will get bored, and boom, then I'm mentally fighting myself, or worse I can't be bothered fighting and just give in, and I can do 3 bottles, no worries!

I'm taking Campral and have taken up my new hobby of scuba, and this is giving me a natural high, but I just wish that when the cravings strike, I didn't have to have this almighty fight with myself, it just wears me out mentally.

The Campral is helping, and I know I just have to keep trying...

Lot's of Love, Jas xx

[SKendall]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Hi Scooby and Jasmin, I feel the same way. Many people don't realize I have a problem, but when mentally I giving so much tiime to this issue, when drinking or not, I think it's time to change things. I go for a long time abs and then for some reason start up again.

It takes so much brain space.

Am starting again for abs.

Good luck to both of you.:h

[ScoobyDoo]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Skendall, thanks, and best wishes for your ABS too! You've said it exactly how I feel. I'm relieved that you both can relate to this. Absolutely too much brain space gos into this! It's so tedious.

Jas, the scuba diving sounds so fantastic! I really do think that taking up a new venture like that is one of the keys needed for recovery, so that is great for you.

Well, good luck to the 3 of us

Scoobs

[irishlady]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Scooby, I know exactly where you are coming from.. It seems as though because it is the weekend you are giving yourself permission to drink..

Have you tried to change your mindset by trying not to focus on the fact that it IS the weekend and you are going to drink, try instead to think of Sat/Sun as just another two normal days when you won't drink...

I know that if I was moderating and then drinking just at the weekends, probably from Monday onwards I would just be focusing on getting to the end of the week so I could have a drink..

It may not work right away, but if you carried on trying I'm sure you would be able to do it after three or four weeks..

Good luck, Love, Louise xxx

[ScoobyDoo]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Irish, I think I just need to get past those first few weekends of AF and then I'll find it much easier.

And yes, I think I do need to somehow change my focus... perhaps if I just have the next 3 weekends with nil social activity that I would normally associate with drinking, I'll be on the right path to an easier abs, and will be motivated to remain abs too.

I guess I will think of this as my own personal rehab! lol

Thanks for your suggestions. I've even been thinking of joining AA, to knock this thing on the head.

Scoobs

[Happier]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Scooby,

You sound a lot like me!

and yes Skendall this whole thing takes up way too much brain space.

I just look at other people and wish I could be like them and have no worries about what my next drink would be when I'm out in a social group. Will I have an iced tea or a long island tea. (I don't even drink long islands) It just sounded good.

I'm just waiting for this struggle to end....

[wwbarb]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

I'm getting sick to death of thinking about this topic. It's the one area of my life that is out of hand. Even my eating is now under contol, and that has plagued me all of my life.

Mr. Scooby sounds like Mr. Barb. When I overdo it, he just brings me home and puts me to bed. Or, I fall asleep on the couch. He thinks nothing of it, and I feel like a bag of crap.

I've got this cockeyed scale that is never balanced. One side is weighed down with sobriety, where I'm feeling left out, lonely, and deprived. The other side is weighed down with booze, leaving me hung over, losing time, embarrassed and unproductive. The perfect balance would be moderation, but that is not attainable to some of us.

Really, tho, when I look with clear eyes, I know how I want my scale to balance. I know how good I felt ten weeks sober and the great things that I achieved.

[cassy]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Hi everyone..like you have said i am sick of the emotional time i waste on ..to drink or not to drink

then there is the goal for the week

then the weekend struggle

then how much to moderate

Then to go to the social stuff or to avoid the meals out for a while.

then there is the analysis of why i do it


Then there is the time invested in reading on here, posting,..reading about alcohol related issues..............


Then there are the strategies..mass, prayer groups, healthy hobbies......THESE ARE THE GOOD THINGS

Oh we are so weary from poisoning ourselves daily yet we go doing it!!

Irish i always gain from your comments...just remind please are you AF at present aand if so can i ask how long thtas been achievable for you??

It seems we have to start on this journey where we can..hourly , daily, weekdays, weekends etc
BUT WHAT STILL COMES TO ME AS A CLEAR MESSAGE IS THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT OF THIS TURMOIL...QUIT....if only i could.....if i had a wish for anything right now it would be to QUIT

[hablur]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Scoobs,

I hope you dont mind but I looked at the Drink Tracker over the last four months and it appears that the first months you have been pretty consistant. I know for a fact that if my doctor looked at that she would have a cow and send me to inpatient rehab immediately. Mine is even worse than yours.

You and I started on Topa the same day. Today is the day I go up to 75mg. I have still had major troubles. I dont know whether you are on a higher dose than me or not but you need to give it time. Be gentle on yourself. Even though Topa works for a lot of folks it isnt a miracle drug and it is going to take time to work so don't fret it! Give yourself the time you need.

As some one said to me from a post when I was having a really bad day... Think how long it took to get this way... and you want to stop this how fast? I guess what that means is that we need to understand that as much as our hearts desire to stop this rollercoaster we are in it for the ride and it is going to take a bit, so don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself.

On the outside I am a little jealous that your husband is being so nice about your drinking and your family isnt seeing it as the issue you feel it is. Mine is completely the opposite. My wife asking me directly today because her mother asked her... is it our marriage that wants to make me drink? That one was like a kick in the gut.

What I have learned since coming here is that no matter what the reasons used to be they no longer matter. All that matters now is that I drink and I want to stop. It is no ones issue but mine and I am the only one that can stop it. I can have love and support from others but as far as someone stopping me it is impossible unless I make myself.

I am praying that when I get up to 100mg of Topa that I will have better control but I have also learned that I am pretty much at the stage you are in. I have no physical cravings at all anymore. The cravings are gone. What I have now is 100% habit. Now knowing that it is a habit doesnt make it any easier to break, but it is a start. This is where I think environmental change is your friend.

So.... Lets use this thread to put our heads together and think of ways to change the environment we tend to drink in. I wont even start on the weekend Ill start during the typical week.

1. Get home.
2. Play wife son.
3. Eat dinner.
4. Watch TV, play with son
5. Put sone to bed.
6. Play on the computer and Drink or watch TV

6 is my trigger for the week. What can i do differently?

Whats your weekly ritual Scoob? I know you have one and like me you occassionally drink during the week so lets start there Then lets see if we can come up with ideas for the weekend.

BTW anyone else want to join in please do.

[irishlady]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Hi Cassy, to answer your question, yes I have been alcohol free since the day I joined MWO, no, sorry, the day I joined was Friday 29th Sept 2006, and to put it bluntly I was pissed out of my brain after drinking almost three bottles of wine... To me it is nothing short of a miracle that I am here at all..

So I have really been alcohol free since Sat 30th Sept, and when I add up the days they total 248 or just over 8 months..

Now, when you see those figures you might think, God I wish I could do that... Well, it took me well over ten years and I don't know how many failed attempts before I was finally successful.. Now that I have at long last reached the summit of my particular mountain there is nothing in this world which will push me off..

One of the secrets is, NEVER GIVE UP GIVING UP.. Also, and I do hope I'm not going to offend anyone by saying this, but I don't really believe in moderation for anyone who has a problem with alcohol... Yes, I know that some members are moderating successfully, but I think there is an even bigger percentage of you who are not..

I will be totally honest with you all and say that there are times when I wish that I could drink like a normal person, when a glass of wine would mean no more to me than a cup of tea, but, its not to be and I have accepted that.. There is no more room in my life for alcohol, and that leaves me free for so many other things..

Once you make that commitment to be AF just think of all the time and hassle you will be spared, no more deciding when to drink, how much to drink, the regrets the following day when you have drunk over your limit, the realisation a few weeks later that your drinking is creeping up to unacceptable levels once again, the depression you feel when you know you have to start all over again... Moderating is like carrying a huge weight on your shoulders, its always there, going AF is like being as free as a bird, swooping through the air, rising on the wind and feeling freedom for the first time in ages..

When you think about it, having a couple of drinks is supposed to be an enjoyable thing to do, but, and I'm going to be brutally honest again, from reading some of the posts here its anything but, it seems to be causing you so much angst and upset, just ask yourselves IS IT WORTH IT ??? if you answer honestly then you will know what you must do next..

I wish you well,

Love, Louise :h xx

[ScoobyDoo]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Irish... is it worth it? For me? I am really starting to realise that my answer is a big NO. I respect your opinion on moderation and I am drawing that conclusion for myself too. I really like the way you have realised and accepted that it just cannot be that 1 glass... so true!

Happier & Cassy, I hear what you're saying completely!

Barb, I really like and agree with your 'scales balanced with clear eyes' analogy. Can I borrow it please?

Hab, I think my drink tracker looks pretty horrendous too... and I have actually improved since joining MWO!

Hab, my #6 trigger is the social engagement, specifically dinner parties. What I have done to help prepare is that since joining MWO, I have been talking to most of our friends about how I have been moderating with goal of not drinking during the week, so they are forewarned. I have had a chat with Mr Scoobs and he has agreed to go AF with me for the next 30 days so that will make it 10 times easier to have that support. Habs, or anyone else, if you can think of anything else that could help me in changing that trigger pattern, please let me know. For the time being, we are keeping social engagements to an absolute minimum.

I love this place - thanks so much!

Scoobs

[MonaCat]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

Lucky Lady, that the hubby is joining you in the AF, 30 day program.
Wishing you well.

[paula]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

I like Louise have been af since I joined mwo. Having one drink is not an option for me.Like they say in AA one drink is too many and ten not enough. I am now much
happier, but I still get the odd craving.
Good luck with the 30 days scoobs.
Love Paula.

[paula]

Addressing the Reasons for drinking

I didn't start posting until february, thats when I stopped drinking.