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    'Wake up' call?

    So here I am, it's 2.45 am Sunday morning. It's been a long time since I logged in and posted but occasionally I still read, thinking that the story might somehow end differently for me.....if only.

    This evening started out like every other evening for me in recent memory, with a drink. Being a Saturday it started early with a few beers around 5, followed by most of a bottle of white with dinner and finished off with several glasse of red. Off to bed with me around 1am, not feeling at all drunk, I guess my tolerance has built up considerably over the decades.

    Waking an hour or so later asphyxiating on a small amount of liquid in ones windpipe is a very bloody scary. Asleep one minute, on my feet seconds later my lungs screaming for air, WHAT IS HAPPENING???, my head spinning, chest heaving, burning searing pain, eyes wide open....but no oxygen coming.....choking, choking, then finally after what seems like an age breath comes and with it sweet oxygen, giving back the gift of life.

    I dont mean to over dramaticise but am writing this as a warning to others and more importantly to myself to read again as a form of acountability as I once again try to face my demons.
    Another glass or two sunk, sleep, the deep pass out 'sleep' of an alcoholic and who knows if the sun would rise again for this sad soul. It can and does happen so easily.

    Take care
    KTAB
    Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

    #2
    'Wake up' call?

    I'm glad you are ok, KTAB, and able to share your story with us. That must have been so frightening.

    I wrote a post earlier today about how alcohol can kill us, but we tell ourselves it won't be for a long, long time. Your experience could be anyone's truth. Thank you for telling us about it.

    I so hope this can be the springboard for you to get free once and for all.

    Take good care of yourself, NS

    Comment


      #3
      'Wake up' call?

      Ktab I have to ask as I keep asking myself - what is your perfect day? Don't need to drink to lose my breath. Everything goes black. Sat a thousand times telling myself if this is going to kill me let it be done or let this pass. What is your compelling future? We are all worth saving even if we can't see it now.
      Stay close KTAB. We'll get to a much better tomorrow. Lots of love and acceptance here. The beautiful sun will shine tomorrow.
      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

      Newbies Nest
      Newbies Nest Roll Call
      Toolbox
      Cattleman Cafe

      Comment


        #4
        'Wake up' call?

        Hello lovely. Good to see you back under whatever circumstance. It's not overly dramatic at all, it just is. You know the drill, you've pointed me in the right direction knowingly or unknowingly a few times. Keep heading in that direction now, take care xx

        Comment


          #5
          'Wake up' call?

          Oh my god KTAB, you're here!! :yay:

          I think about you often because your Avatar affected me so deeply when I first came her and saw it. I remember you pm'd me that you had found it on the internet but didn't know where. I have looked high and low for it but like you, couldn't find it...

          I know this sounds silly after you have had such a close call sweet Ktab:l but I truly believe that your Avatar is the only way out... We must make peace with our past... We can't do this if we don't . You already know that. It's so freaking hard isn't it??

          You turn a corner, see someone who looks like someone..., hear a sound, smell a smell and then suddenly your right back in the thick of whatever happened years ago, months ago..... It's like being buried in The LaBrey Tar pits of our past... happened to me just this afternoon in Costco....

          Sorry, don't mean to ramble just am so so happy to hear from you, even if it's not great news. I think it's great you are still here with us!! :l Okay, I'll stop rattling on.

          Please stay close and don't leave us again:l.... And let's keep trying to find that Avatar picture so I can hang it in my room or on my fridge or staple gun it to me head....

          Sleep well now. Please no more aspirating ....deep, solid breaths...:l
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

          Comment


            #6
            'Wake up' call?

            Hi Ktab,
            I remember your posts fondly from when I first joined MWO in 2010. You Army peeps are a special kind of lovely people. The friendly banter, and support back then between you, Mario, Oney,Tips, JC, Chill, Doggygirl, and so many others, led me back here a few months ago.

            I'm sorry you're hurting, Ktab. You're likely sleeping right now, but you'll surely awake to many hands reaching out to help you along on this part of your journey. You know there's always fresh Army coffee brewing in the morning, so why not grab a cup. Heck, those folks probably already have a mug with your name on it!

            Pie :l

            Comment


              #7
              'Wake up' call?

              Hi Ktab and welcome back to the fold. Like Kradle i always loved your avatar, its like even if we hate ourselves and are in the pit of despair there is always someone to love us. Please look after yourself and as wise Molls said we know a wake up call when we see one! Cant wait to get to know you more.
              AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

              Comment


                #8
                'Wake up' call?

                You've been missed. Stay close.

                Comment


                  #9
                  'Wake up' call?

                  Oh Tabbers! what an experience - but it could have been so much worse. You'll look after yourself better from now on, won't you?

                  And the bottomless coffee in the Army is still bottomless, the random talk still impenetrable. Join us?
                  14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    'Wake up' call?

                    You know, I started tearing up when I read Tabber's post, and then I read Reggie's. Day for tissues, it seems.
                    14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      'Wake up' call?

                      Kradle123;1705499 wrote: Oh my god KTAB, you're here!! :yay:

                      I think about you often because your Avatar affected me so deeply when I first came her and saw it. I remember you pm'd me that you had found it on the internet but didn't know where. I have looked high and low for it but like you, couldn't find it...
                      Home - Project Angel

                      Scroll down for the pic, kradle.

                      Hiya tabbers, glad you're ok.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        'Wake up' call?

                        Reggie;1705514 wrote: Ah Tabbers you could melt a eskimos freezer ..so lovely to see words from you.
                        Ablate at what is obviously not a great time for you but still am sure you don't realize how many hearts have lit up to see you post..... me being one.

                        You sound scared ..sad and drained.

                        Its a mean foe that shows NO remorse once we are under Alcohols spell. It makes us think we are drinking ...it ..from the glass or bottle. But its the opposite its sucking the life out of us. Every last sense of a life lived well it drinks out of us. Its the opposite of gravity ..when you put that liquid (our foe) up to your mouth its sucks you don't consume.

                        We are scared because we are dancing with death and the most amazing thing about alcoholics with out alcohol they show extreme joy in wanting to live ...we never know how happy we can be until we stop drinking .

                        You are a gentle soul Tabbers. NOW IS THE TIME. forget the past or future the descision you need to make as I do resides in this EXACT moment . I am writing this as much for me as you.

                        This tune you posted in the lounge ..I hope you wake up today and listen to it and start over its never too late tabbers
                        Lotsa love Reg

                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqU5Uhdl75s&list=RDFqU5Uhdl75s[/video]]Fionn Regan - Dogwood Blossom - YouTube
                        Lovely post, Reggie and well worth repeating. :l

                        DreamThinkDo;1705515 wrote:
                        Oh Tabbers! what an experience - but it could have been so much worse. You'll look after yourself better from now on, won't you?

                        And the bottomless coffee in the Army is still bottomless, the random talk still impenetrable. Join us?
                        Too right, Dreamy and we do the best cakes

                        And welcome back from me Tabbers.:l
                        It could be worse, I could be filing.
                        AF since 7/7/2009

                        Comment


                          #13
                          'Wake up' call?

                          I am SO glad to hear from you Tabbers. Even under these circumstances.

                          I've always thought of you so fondly, little mate. You have such a lovely energy about you.
                          You really deserve a nice clean life you know.
                          If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                          Rejoined life 20/5/19

                          Comment


                            #14
                            'Wake up' call?

                            Good to see you KT.

                            You can turn things around mate. Take care of yourself. G

                            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                            Comment


                              #15
                              'Wake up' call?

                              To:

                              NoSugar
                              Orimus
                              myhappyplace
                              Kradle123
                              Pie
                              mollyka
                              available
                              tawnyfrog
                              Reggie
                              DreamThinkdo
                              Recluse
                              JackieClaire
                              byebyebridgetjones
                              Guitarista

                              I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time and consideration to post your kind words and messages of support and advice. I am truly humbled.
                              A wake up call?? Absolutely, this madness has been going on for far too long.
                              Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

                              Comment

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