I'm a young mom (26 years old w/ a seven year old) but I also own two houses work full time and have most of the things that the other parents in their late thirties have that I comingle with at my daughter's school, soccer team etc. Then I have my best friends who are all my age w/ all my same or similar problems especially when it comes to drinking. Then I have my boyfriend who I recently moved in with after 3 years. And if I go way back I grew up in a neighborhood that was very closely knit, with four boys, and always thought one day I'd end up w/ one of them. At 18 I moved cross country to Maryland.
Now while I'm trying to get control of my drinking I feel this constant question nagging at me...I've never put it into words so much but here it is: Who am I? Am I a single mom, a party girl, a Neighborhood Girl, a live in gfriend/home-maker/family woman, A drunk?? Do I drink to try and forget this lack of identity? And why do I need a "label" so badly?
I had two glasses of wine tonight w/ my girlfriend who stopped over. My general rule is not to drink during the week but I'll make exceptions if friends are over since the more important part of my rule is not to drink alone. And yet I feel so guilty right now about drinking at all. I don't know how to find that balance. I spend so much time thinking about whether or not to drink, when I can drink, how much can I drink, that when I actually get to it's not fun at all. When do I get to just enjoy a glass of wine without the guilt and worry? On one hand I almost feel like it's a good thing I feel this way because it will remind me why I don't want to drink Wed and Thursday..but then why did I need to drink today?
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