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what does a calculated break mean?

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    #16
    Originally posted by NotHappyHourHappyLife View Post
    Calculated break = fancy name for relapse... great insight!

    I've been alcohol free since February and I've been thinking about drinking again. While we haven't, my husband is all for it- he stopped drinking because of me.

    Part of me says, "PROTECT YOUR QUIT!"
    The other part says... well, you haven't tried the moderation route yet- so if we do it together, why not try?

    I have time to decide- I don't plan on running out and picking up a 6 pack- but the thoughts are running through my mind, I must confess.

    "Only on weekends".
    "Only beer"
    "Only 1 time a month"....

    sigh, this is exhausting to consider. Hugs :heartbeat:
    It is exhausting to do.
    Plus, it doesn't work, so there's that. You have a ZERO percent chance of success. If 99 people walk off a cliff and die and you are #100, what would you do?

    Have you played this out in your head, what just on weekends really means? If you think being AF is deprivation, just wait until you start trying to limit yourself. EVERYTHING you do will begin to revolve around WHEN you GET to drink. When does the weekend start? When does it end, what happens when there's a holiday? How much do you get? If you stick to the rules, you are going to be the only person in MWO history to do so long term.

    You know what I found? When we start making RULES about drinking, it's time to stop. You KNOW you have a problem and you are about to reintroduce it. So what has changed? More knowledge? More self aware? What happens to heroin addicts if they just use on weekends? It doesn't take long before you are right back in that pit. Your brain knows where you've been. There is real science behind this, please check out the media thread that NoSugar started. Knowledge is power.

    Yes there are moderation threads on this site. I would urge you to look back thru the 7 years and see if you find anyone who has successfully moderated (holidays, weekends) over the long haul. However, you must speak the language....it goes something like this:

    I am really happy with my moderation plan, I have only blown it once this week and only one hangover. The rest of the time, I was really good, only 4 beers. I didn't feel great the next day, but that might have been the sugar in the beer. Over the last month, I have done great, I have not drank more days than I have. Translation: You are now a binge drinker.

    Denial is the strongest stage of grief, and one that is tough to break thru. If you don't think you have a big problem with AL today, let's talk again next year and see where you are. I'd bet my last dollar it's worse than ever if you are still using.

    Moderation doesn't work. It can't. What happens when you have a couple drinks? You let your guard down. What happens then? You have ANOTHER drink. And so it goes.

    I know that no words of mine can change someone's mind about trying this....and that's a real shame. I had to find it out for myself too, and it nearly cost me everything I've worked so hard for all these years. Now with some GOOD distance between me and AL, I can see it for what it is....a powerful drug that will do anything to get back in your life. This is ONE POWERFUL ADDICTION. I have never experienced anything like it...the only force to equal it is love, and sometimes, even that's not enough.

    If you have been lucky enough to have an easy quit, take it and run with it, because they get harder every time. You can take that to the bank. As Narilly's signature line says, "You can have the life you want, or you can drink". That's about the size of it for us. I hope you remain AF. Moderation has about a zero percent chance of working .....we are taking about the rest of your life trying to fight this battle. When I threw in the towel and accepted that I am an alcoholic, a huge burden was lifted. No more fights...no more rules...no more guilt, shame and remorse over this substance. It is the BEST decision I have ever made.

    Protect your quit as if your life depends on it....because it does. Byrdie
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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      #17
      "a calculated break" simply means you want to drink more than you want to be sober...all the power to you if you can, if you can't, we'll still be here for you... Happy New Year!
      Quitting and staying quit isn't easy, its learning a whole new way of thinking. It's accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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