Back again

[doveagain]

I used to frequent this site, many times while drunk. I came back now bc alcohol is screwing my life up royally. More than ever before. I need to stop but am so scared. I see people around me who don't drink and they are so happy but I am so scared. I am screwing up my marriage and work life and am tired of being hungover but just keep going back to the bar and keep doing all the things I know I shouldn't do. I like myself a lot when I'm sober but hate myself after drinking. I know you will all say not to be scared and that being sober is awesome. I know it is. I just wish I could do it. I have no faith I can stay sober for long. Thanks for reading. Dove

[doveagain]

I just went and re-read my posts from years ago. The name was just Dove then. 2006 I came here knowing I should stop drinking. 8 fucking years later and I'm still doing the same shit. The prospect of stopping seems like such a huge undertaking....it would be easier to just keep drinking. I have a friend who goes to AA and she is going to take me to a meeting tomorrow (bc I asked her to). I am so scared.

[available]

Hi Dove and welcome back. what are you scared of? I was scared about giving up and realising that it was forever but a year later i am glad i put in the hard yards, i am glad i prioritised giving up al in my life as i noatw have a life. What i had when drinking was an existence and a poor one at that. Lean on your friend and let her help you, there is nothing like a fellow alky who understands the addiction and what we go through. I used mwo as my support and my family. I was not ashamed to ask for help if needed.

You will never regret this decision. It is huge and it is hard but it is so worth it, every day i have sober is a beautiful day.

The newbies nest is a great place to say hello and settle in. We are here to help and support you.

[actiongirl46]

I guess "like" is not the right thing. Just meant I sympathize, love this site for being yourself, and we are here for you. I am a newbie so you won't hear from me much. Dove, be true to what you want, and fight for it. That much I have learned. Take care and keep in touch - ActionGirl

[Trying To Be Happy]

Dove, just wanted to say good luck and yes, easier said than done but try not to be scared. Life is better without alcohol. Also, there is no shame in having taken your time in deciding to do something to change it. The important thing is you are doing it now. I feel the same way about taking 10 years to begin to really do something about it. Yes, those years were lost in many ways to me, but better to be doing something now than not ever. You can do it. Life will get better for you. Take care xo

[Sunbeam]

Dove, there were four years between my join and quit for good dates. I frequently read and posted here using that time. Gradually reality sank in. You are perhaps afraid to face real life, wiout the alcohol cloud, but life is mostly good. During the rough spots you will be able to see your way out, because you won't have that alcohol cloud. You are certainly a worthwhile person: your husband married you, your employer hired you. You can again be that person, but not with alcohol in your life. When you stop drinking you will be able to slowly forgive yourself for past mistakes, self hate will fade. You can again embrace life.

[doveagain]

Thanks everyone. I don't know what I am going to do yet. I wish it would all just go away and I didn't have to deal with it.

[treetops]

Dove- I too took ages to finally quit. I lost track of how many years it was. There were chunks of sober time but I just couldn't say farewell to AL. There was always an excuse to drink, a mood or depression, something stressful, things happening that were indeed crises. So AL was a crutch. I was also scared of quitting for good. Thought I would be boring, unable to write or be creative, unable to be socialable, unable to do my job, unable to cope with the drudgery of domestic life and the stress of being a Mum. These reasons all seem daft to me now but they were real fears. Maybe I am a boring old fart but I have been able to do lots since I quit in Oct 2012 - certainly with I think with sharper and clearer thinking, less stress over completing tasks, genuinely seeking the friends and activities I enjoy and can contribute to, and most of all, for me, firming up my relationship with my teenage daughter. It was already very strong before I quit but it was on very shaky ground with my heavy and habitual drinking - and the way this fed my withdrawal from those close to me.
Sorry this is about me -but I wanted to say - that yes, its bloody scary -and I think the best thing is not to agonize too much about the future - the old line 'one day at a time' seems apt. Reach out to those who can give you support but if you dont like the method (AA is not to everyone's taste) -look for other ways of quitting. Information is power but it needs action as well. So the sooner you can take hold of stopping (even if you tell yourself its just for a trial) the better. Very best of luck. A New Year seems a great time to start - but don't let that milestone overwhelm you either.

[Byrdlady]

Dove,
There are 2 great links in my signature line that will help you immensely. May I say first and foremost that in coming here, you have already taken the first step. Now it's time to get control of your mind and focus on what it will take to get thru this day AF. The Tool Box is a treasure trove of tips and coping skills to help you thru the first challenging days. The Newbie's Nest is an active thread that doesn't get lost in the shuffle and there is always someone home to help you. If you got thru the last 15 minutes, you can get thru the next 15. So stick around this time and realize this isn't something we can do alone. We are here to help! Byrdie

[See the Light]

Dove- I don’t mean this to be harsh, but “wishing” is not a reliable strategy…many of us here know that the hard way (as I suspect you do too). When you said that, though it reminded me of some of the tactics they discuss in the SMART program, with an entire section just dedicated to “Building and Maintaining Motivation”...it’s a good read. I believe I am also an alcoholic for life..but after searching and working hard for sobriety over the last few months, I believe it is a much smaller part of me than it was when I drank. It may always be there for you too, but motivating yourself to maintain control no matter what the trigger or crisis is the key.. when you say things like “I have no faith I can stay sober for long” and “....it would be easier to just keep drinking” you are not even allowing yourself the chance you deserve. Motivation is the key to your recovery. It is what will drive you to meet your goals. Without it, you are not likely to change much, and change is what you need. Start by making sobriety the priority in your life…believe in yourself…and try to be more positive. YOU can do this..but it starts with YOU. Go and restart your recovery journey, and have an iron-clad plan when you do (see Byrdiie's references above). Take care

[doveagain]

Thanks again all. I just got off the phone having a screaming match with my husband bc I told him I don't feel like going to the AA meeting tonight. I really don't want to walk into a room with a bunch of strangers who will feel sorry for me....at least that's what I feel they would be thinking....'oh, pity the continuing drunk'...I just don't know what to do. For years I have recognized I have a problem and said to my husband millions of times that we should take alcohol out of the house and that he will need to change some of his habits (taking me out for beers, having alcohol in the house, being my driver) for this to work and he has fought not to change himself, saying that this is my problem, not his, and that he is not going to change. If he can't make some adjustments I guess I feel that I need to leave him to get better. Now I can't stop crying.

[mama bear]

Dove
I wanted to reach out earlier but didn't as I am not AL free. However, I have been here a long time and feel that, no matter what is going on in my life. I can at least be there for others.
You last post hit me.
I have a drinking husband and he is a bit of an enabler. I no longer drink through the week or sneak drink. That is huge for me. That being said, I have said the same thing many times what you just said.
I would be miserable without my husband and leaving is not an option for me. Soooooo.....getting sober is my problem.
And it's a bitch with a drinking partner. I guess I just want you to know that you are not alone. And....AA is not bad. I went for a while, but had to go to many meetings before I found one that clicked. Please do not give up. And cry away..it helps.
Peace and strength to you......

[Byrdlady]

Thanks everyone. I don't know what I am going to do yet. I wish it would all just go away and I didn't have to deal with it.

Dove, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. When I saw this post, I really identified with it. Then I saw your last post. This whole process is about change. And that's really hard to do. But if you see a course that is taking you off a cliff, you HAVE to make a course correction, or die as a result. We are all on that course over the cliff and unless/until we make a change, we go off it.

The post above is how we cope with things....WE JUST DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT. Unfortunately, that's not going to work in this case. This MUST be dealt with or it is going to over take us. As SeeTheLight so eloquently said, Hope is not a strategy...it takes a plan.

The people at the AA meeting are no different than you and me. They have all been where we are and they understand what it takes to get out of this pit. Nothing changes if nothing changes.....the cycle has to be broken at some point, why not today? Go to the meeting and give something new a try....after all, you know what doesn't work, right?

My husband is a drinker also, AND he is the one who packed his bags and left me because of my drinking. I did not ask him to stop on account of me....but I did ask him to keep it elsewhere where I wouldn't see it every time I opened the fridge. I had to tell him how to help me and get him on board with my plan. Remember when you are on a plane, they tell you to secure your oxygen mask first before helping others, well that's what you're doing...you are getting yourself situated and AF, and then you can deal with the other stuff once the fog of AL has lifted. How long since your last drink?

You have said repeatedly...'I don't know what to do'. Ok, here is what you do today. Get all the AL out of YOUR space. Surround yourself with things you love to eat and things you like to do. Watch mindless tv, or call someone...stay hydrated and keep your belly full. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. That is the first step in a plan. Go to the meeting!!! It can't hurt!!! Byrdie

[YouKayBee]

It took me over ten years and loads of attempts to get into recovery, I too was a member here for 4-5 years before I found my way out.

It will come but my experience is that you have to want it, and want it soooo bad.

[doveagain]

I last drank Sunday night. I got black out drunk at the bar and didn't come home... My pattern on Sunday night. The rest of the week I will have drinks at home...sometimes one or two sometimes more...sometimes enough to be hungover the next morning....then binge on Sunday. The hubby is mad about the Sunday thing. I will maybe go to the meeting still. And I still think hubby should be willing to make some changes if I'm gonna do this (still undecided).