One Step at a time - January 2015

[Rusty]

Happy New Years, All Steppers, Posting and Lurking!

K9-Here's my two cents on Mike. You didn't ask for my advice, but I hate to tell ya you're getting it anyway! LOL. So this guy drinks at your house? Hasn't he broken one promise already? I thought you two were going to be sober together and that was part of the deal with him staying with you? You KNOW that situation will only get worse, and talk about being a threat to your relationship with your daughter! Like she would want to see that every day? Hmm....I don't think so. 2nd red flag for me was that has no job, car, or money?? WHY??? If I were you, I would run like hell. The fact that he is no good at playing checkers is the LEAST of your worries. I have learned that vodka can have that effect on men...I speak from experience there. You are right...you are better off alone. You sound a lot stronger now than you did when Sierra first decided to move back in with her dad. This is a very positive sign in that you are not sounding needy, but he sure is. Not your problem. :-) Listen to your gut and have him go sleep on somebody else's couch. This therapy session is free so don't worry about it. Hahahahahah!!!

[NoraC]

Rusty - you are a genius. I might have to switch therapists. ROTFL

[SKendall]

Hey K9, got to agree 100% with Rusty. Be proud of yourself that you are clearly not desperate. No job, no money, etc is a big red flag.

Glad you made this decision now and not later.

[K9Lover]

Dang Rusty, that was some seriously good FREE advice!!! :thumbsup:

And no I am not desperate at all, thank goodness, or I might be tempted to just try to make it work...but HELLS NO! HA

I really don't know what his big plan was, he just came to Cali from Illinios with no job lined up, no permanent place to stay (I'm sure he expected it would be at MY house), no car, (and I don't even think he has a drivers license), and NO money. So again Rusty is right, checkers is THE LEAST of the problems on the list!! I am glad it only took me 7 days to figure this out...maybe I am growing up? WTH?? LOL

[mama bear]

DANG Rusty..................that was flipping awesome!!
Made me want to throw somebody out!!
Who ya gonna call???
K9- the Sisterhood (plus one brother) of Travelling Pants has your back!!

[Rusty]

Nora and Skendall, LOL and Thanks for the positive feedback on my therapy session...more like terrorist's session. LOL . K9, it only took you 7 days to figure this out...that's really good! Yup, I think YOU were his master plan, but obviously he didn't tell YOU that. IL to CA is a big move. Do you know if he is running away from someone or something? Sounds very suspicious to me. I know you were friends in high school but that was a LONG time ago.

I also wanted to mention something....and I feel so badly because it is WAY overdue. The week before Sierra moved out, I wanted to post my support for you as I know you needed it, and I never posted it, and I am so sorry. What I wanted to say was that as heartbroken as you were, I think the wisest thing you could do is get involved in activities so that Sierra knows you are moving on with your life, and you are not sitting around, isolating, and feeling badly that she is not with you. This makes you look very needy, and that is a turnoff for anyone, whether it be a parent, child, sibling or friend. I don't mean NEEDY as in PATHETIC, just needy as in "fragile," which is what you were/are. You mentioned that she is really into the JW lifestyle, and you wanted to go back to it, and I think you should. This way, Sierra will see that you two really do have something important in common, and that you really DO care about your religion. I think it would make a big difference as to how often she visits you. I read how devastated you were that she spent a lot of time with her "boyfriend" and not with you, and I don't think she meant to hurt you...she was just being a typical teenager. To her, it was probably fine that she spent some time with you, but then other time with her friends, and because she's a teenager, her friends are her whole world. Believe me, when I was a teenager, I did NOT want to be seen with my parents! LOL. I will pray that you get out of your lease, and you can move to a smaller place, and then you will be able to afford a gym membership. Just going to the gym after work (preferably one that has a hot tub in the women's locker room or the pool) will make you feel good, and with your smile, you are bound to meet new people. It's bound to boost your confidence, and coupled with dumping Mike, you will have made leaps and bounds in the confidence dept. (Insert smiley face and hug here). For me, changing my gym routine from morning to after work helped a lot...because after work was the witching hour for me. After a brutal workout, the last thing I felt like doing was drinking. Eating, showering and sleeping were what I craved...not AL.

Again this is just my two cents, unasked for advice. I would comment more but due to my last post, I now have back to back therapy appointments booked into this evening. Hahahahaha!! LOL. No chance. It's 11 degrees below zero here in Wisconsin, and I am at my desk at home, with my long undies and my Uggs on. Ahem...it's been YEARS since I wore this long underwear top. It's supposed to reach my hips, and well, let's just say it's a crop top now!! HAAHAHAH! Is it time for lunch? Why yes it is. I'll be back in a bit. Thinking good thoughts about you, K9. Love, Rusty.

[Rusty]

Omg...i just wrote a book here! Sorry!!

[K9Lover]

Rusty - You are AWESOME. Thank you so much for the advice and thoughts/ideas. You are very wise, my friend! I agree so much with you!! So when should I make the phone call about breaking the lease? Thinking about it is stressing me out. I know the sooner the better, but I dread it so much.

And yes I see you now have quite a few "clients" needing your infinite wisdom! And I had to LOL at the crop top comment, I have a few of those myself!!!

[Rusty]

Aw, thanks, K9, not awesome...let's just say I have made MAJOR mistakes in my life in the relationship department, so if I can save you pain, I am happy to share my experiences. And, I'm a single woman, never married, no kids, and never lived with a guy...can you tell I am EXTREMELY independent? Hahah! It's a good life, though, it really is.

Just pick up the phone and make that call. If you're anything like me, you predict the WORST possible outcome for any sticky situation. What happened most of the time was that it was nothing like I thought it would be, it turned out fine. :-) That predicting the worst possible outcome always made me anxious, and then, lo and behold, it was time to open a bottle. :-(

Good to know that I'm not the only one with crop tops. LOL. Thanks for sharing...I needed that today. :-)

[mama bear]

Rusty...where should I send a check for the therapy??:goodjob:
K9 - just do it as the slogan says...I can walk you through it if you need, but CA law is different from FLA, so I won't know the small issues, despite being the genius I am!!
Since I began weaning off benzos, I have had no appetite and have lost about 10 pounds. Not that I recommend that as a diet, but I have to find some positive in the ordeal!!
I love you guys...what an awesome family we have. I love it that we are alkies, but we don't get a lot of harsh judgment when we are honest. We are human and all in different places in our journey!

[K9Lover]

You're right AGAIN Miss Wisdom! I am just gonna make the call. The more notice I give him, the better. And yes, I am assuming the worst...like legal action or something, although I'm sure he'd prefer it not go to that point either. Whew....I am gonna do it soon...wish me luck! And thank you for being my CropTopPal! LOL

[Dottie Belle]

WOW a few hours gone and I missed a lot..
Rusty wise words for sure.
K9 Good for you on the relationship. Checkers can fade with age but at your age he should be ready to go...hope there is no medical issue going on with that..anyway good for you!!
mama thanks so much for making me feel bad...we are freezing....bbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Got a wedding invitation for the folks next door daughter. She is a great gal and has been going with this fellow for 10 years and now finally getting married. It is going to be at a fancy hotel downtown and is black tie....dh has a tux and I have some long dresses that I can wear if they will zip. Seems I have a new goal...wedding is middle of February. I love getting dressed up. Can wear all my fake diamond jewelry and bling.....what fun.

[K9Lover]

XPost Mama...what advice do you have for me? And remember he's just an independent home owner, it's not a Corp. or anything....
Congrats on the 10lbs gone, sorry the way it came about. But since you are getting all skinny you can't join the CropTopClub...sorry. LOL

[Rusty]

K9, I think as long as you give him plenty of notice, it should be fine. Just explain your situation and how urgent it really is to find someplace smaller and cheaper. He should understand...if not, he's pretty dense. Please keep me posted and I hope I wasn't wrong about this. :0( I would feel terrible if that were the case.

Dottie-a formal wedding. How fun! I have absolutely nothing I could wear at the moment to a winter event like that...unless I got a long black dress with no waistband. Yup, that would be it. Zippers are out of the question. LOL.

Just a warning, Steppers. I have a lot of time off work in January so you might be seeing more of me. I like this thread and the people on it. :-)

[mama bear]

Rusty - we will love to have you!!
K9 - I don't know what your lease says. We require a 60 day notice in writing and a fee of two months rent to break a lease.
Just be honest with him.....that always works with me. I don't have many options, as we are a huge corporation with lots of rules. Private owners have a lot more flexibility. You could offer to help fine a new renter.......

I have a huge function in May and was telling hubs I wanted him to go look for some new formal wear as I have not bought anything in years. I had recently shown him a gorgeous deep green trimmed in gold satin and sparkles, and I think he may have ordered it for my birthday!! Good news Dots!!