One Step at a time - January 2015

[NoraC]

So sorry that I didn't post yesterday. I was swamped at work & went home & crashed!

Thank you for all of the support. You guys are great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be back tonight.

[mama bear]

YAY Nora!!!
Conference calls all day....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Kradle123]

Good morning everybody . Day 15 or it might be 16 here I'm already losing count... Isn't that weird ?
This also might sound like a strange thing to say but I don't feel well enough to keep posting here ... everytime I read back and try to post I have this overwhelming dread that I'm just simply intruding, irrelevant ... I see so many deep and long standing relationships in and out of this forum and I just can't seem to get a handle on any of that . I've tried but it just doesn't seem to work for me and it makes me feel so much worse about myself . and of course that's my biggest demons!

but I don't seem able to fight it here- it just seems to make it worse. I keep trying to tell myself that what I'm thinking is not real ... but just reading back the last few days and seeing the deep, wonderful commitment and great advice from everyone here , just makes me feel more like I'm swimming in the deep end of the pool and I'm about to drown...

I realize how stupid all that sounds but I can't help it .
And my anxiety level just keeps going up and up and up .

I can't tell you how much I absolutely despise everything that's happened in my life . maybe not so much the particulars y anymore but the fact that I just cannot seem to get out from underneath it . I truly believe that the love commitment and deep relationships I see shared here on this thread is simply something I will just never be a part of ...at least as long as I stay stuck in my own sense of never being able to be who I think I should be in order to fit in here or out there for that matter ...
Please believe that I think you are all the best people on the planet and I will keep reading and learning from all of you and stay away from the dreaded alcohol which of course is the reason I've made such a mess of myself in the first place ...
I promise to keep updates with Matt I think documenting his journey is helping people . and really that's what this forum is all about isn't it ? And I am really grateful that I can at least add that small measure!
love you all really and truly .

Stay close to one another - Stay Sane

[Rusty]

Kradle,:heartbeat::hug: why are you feeling this way????? You are Day 16, and that is excellent. :yay: You are a HUGE and BELOVED member of this thread. Why do you feel like you're irrelevant or an intruder? I don't understand and I really want to! If you have emotional needs here that you feel are not being met, then please tell us what we can do to help you. Please PM me if you wish. I'm working at home today and I have no real deadlines (yippee) so I will be around.

[mama bear]

I agree, as usual, with Rusty, Kradle. Is this the down side of your bipolar speaking? We love you and everything you have to say to us. I like to think that our support has helped you reach Day 16.
Please think about that and know, that no matter how long some of us have been friends, you are one too!

[Dottie Belle]

((((Kradle)))) Please stick with us....you need you and you are relevant and important here. Dont drive yourself crazy trying to read back and keep up...just stay and post...we need you!!!

[paulywogg]

Hey all,Kradle,i always feel like I'm losing it two weeks af,I feel like everyone hates me and I hate them,I think it's just part of the process that our brains go through,I truly care about you, if taking time off from posting on this thread is gonna help you then take all the time you need,whatever it takes is what we have to do, I probably will be posting less too,not anything going on just focused on myself right now,use your personal thread if you have to, just don't leave MWO,congrats on 2 weeks

[Rusty]

Hey Pauly, why do you feel like everyone hates you and you hate them? You must have gotten some negative feedback on the Daily Abs Thread, I am guessing? Two weeks AF is great!:sohappy: I think that most threads have this issue: they ebb and flow depending on what is going on in people's lives...and then sometimes I know people don't want to post because they've been drinking and they're ashamed. Sometimes I think people feel like they have to keep track of EVERYONE'S journey, and address EVERYONE at EVERY post...and it is so not the case, but I used to feel that way, and it really overwhelmed me. I don't know whether it was on this thread or another one, but a member said The Newbies Nest wasn't for him, because there were just SO many people on the thread, and he couldn't keep up with everyone's progress or challenges, especially if it meant reading back 5 or 6 pages. Pop in when you can, Pauly. Great to see you and I envy you being in a warm place like Vegas right now.

Kradle, Nora, K9, Recluse, Fen, et al. Come out come out.

[paulywogg]

Rusty, I'm passed 2 weeks by far I was just trying to let Kradle know how I felt at that timeline, it sounds pretty similar to what she's feeling, I just want her to not get overwhelmed by feelings and try and take it easy

[mama bear]

Everyone's journey is different. That's why is so important to stay here and learn.
I am pooped...I had a great week but the anxiety was off the charts this afternoon. Oh well.
Gonna flop and make an early night of it.
Love you all, and Kradle, we are thinking of you.

[Rusty]

Pauly-sorry I misunderstood you.

[Rusty]

Mama-you just relax.:heartbeat: I'll be doing the same. :-)

[paulywogg]

Mama, I've been dealing with anxiety too,not sure why

[mama bear]

Meds. ,life, insubordinate employees!!

[Rusty]

Wish I could rescue you from all that, Mama!