Need help finding a thread that I need to be in. Thanks in advance!

[choice]

Hello,

I have been away for quite a while. I had a good sober run for about 3 years. Then almost a year ago I started drinking again. I can't believe it's already been a year. I came back to check myself here when I got scared after a few bad hangovers and just haven't had the gusto I had when I first came here. All I can say is my drinking is a concern and I'm looking for a thread where people have quit before, and started again,... It feels like such a silly thing for me to say, I'm ready to start being sober again when I keep saying it every week. I am happy in my life, the drinking sorta works.. but not really. And I have gained a lot of weight which I am not happy about at all. Where do I fit in now here at MWO now that I know the routine... but just don't have the get up and go I had a few years ago? I guess I'm feeling a bit discouraged that I can't really quit again... ug.. I realize I am all over the place in this post! Thanks for listening!

Choice

[lifechange]

Welcome Back, Choice!
I think that it's always possible to spend some time in the Nest, to get reacquainted with MWO, meet some really nice people, get a kick start on quitting again. There is almost always someone awake and reading there so you're sure to get help/advice/conversation if you need or want it.
Great to have you here!!

[choice]

Welcome Back, Choice!
I think that it's always possible to spend some time in the Nest, to get reacquainted with MWO, meet some really nice people, get a kick start on quitting again. There is almost always someone awake and reading there so you're sure to get help/advice/conversation if you need or want it.
Great to have you here!!

Thank you lifechange. It feels good and kinda scary to be back.

[Byrdlady]

Hey Choice!
Link to the Newbie's Nest are in my signature line below. Interestingly, most of the folks there are NOT newbies! They are returning folks....so you will be in most excellent company.
I know you are scared. I sure was too. And I let that FEAR keep me from succeeding. As it turns out, it is NOT nearly as bad as I had built it up in my mind! You know this to be true from your sober periods! So jump in, we'll help you! So glad you're here! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Hi, Choice

Welcome back.

There is a thread about relapses that might be useful to you (and perhaps you could add your story!): https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-in-Retrospect

There are several threads for you to hang out in and you'd be welcome everywhere!

There are many returning newbies in the Newbies Nest: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...5-Newbies-Nest
There are abstinence -oriented threads that begin daily (https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...8-firsday-29th),
and weekly (https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-26th-Jan-2015)
and some that are ongoing (https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...Unpteenth-Quit, https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-Official-Site).

I bet you would gain a great deal and be able to contribute your experiences if you decided to participate in any of these threads. Most of us do not have 3 years' experience being sober and would love to learn from you what we can do to keep our AF streaks going. And hopefully we can help you commit to beginning again.

Hope to see you around, NS

[choice]

Thank you Byrd, and NS.

I realize that it is for the best that I posted today. I am drinking just way too much. I actually called in sick today to work.. I have a cold but, I also had a bottle and a half of wine last night that didn't make things any easier, and it wasn't the only time I did that this week. Last week I went to work on this same day with a massive hangover after a two bottle night. My manager was hungover too.. but he didn't know I was. My husband has no idea how much I am drinking at the moment. I'm not at the point of hiding bottles but I have thought about it. Our recycling bin is pretty full of wine bottles though if he were to wonder... As I type.. I just see that this is becoming a pretty bad cycle. I never drank this much when I quit the first time. Not even close. I'm not as scared of quitting as I was the first time either.. I miss my sober life. But I can't underestimate the pull to have that first glass. I'll make my mind up in the morning filled with regret... talk myself off the ledge... so to speak.. then feel better about myself etc... then when it comes to the first glass I just don't have the resolve I once did... I just think.. well., I drink now... so I don't need to worry about AF days etc.. I just am glad I'm posting... I haven't talked with anyone about this and it is becoming a secret life. I don't have the time to be online as I did the first time as I have a two year old and I run around like a crazy woman trying to keep up with everything... But today I decided.. after kinda reading my very own posts... that I have run out of time.. on the drinking front. I can't be calling in sick to work.. and be hungover watching my baby grow up. I am distracted with waiting for hubby to come home so I can start to drink.. and all day waiting for the hangover to subside. This isn't gonna work... at all.

[NoSugar]

Hi, again, Choice. From what you've said here, I think you might find a great home in the Newbies Nest right now. In many ways, doing it this time might be harder than the first time so I hope you go grab all the love and support that is offered there.

[Byrdlady]

You can put your foot out and stop this crazy ride. Sooner rather than later. It is never going to get any easier than today! Get all the AL out of your space and vow to buy no more. Surround yourself with things you love to do and eat. Nothing changes if nothing changes, it all starts with a plan. Your relationship with AL is as good as it's ever going to be...I say 'as good' because it only gets worse over time, as you have seen. By next week this time, you will be celebrating 7 big days AF. I have never regretted one day I spent sober (but I have so many regrets over the drunk ones). Set yourself up for success and you will find it! Byrdie

[choice]

Alright. I've Put up my new signature.. and tried to put a photo up... but not sure if it worked. Looks like I'm in for the ride ... before it gets harder!

[choice]

Thank you so much for the link NoSugar to the relapse in retrospect. I am managing my fear at the moment. I don't understand why quitting gets harder. That is a scary thought. I'll post more about what lead to my re-lapse later... but wanted to thank you and keep posting.

[daisy45]

Choice, I believe I remember you from way back. You were one of the ones to follow....
3 years was amazing.....and a great muscle to have for when you get a grip; you are armed with a knowledge that most of us have not yet reached.
I have had amazing support from just about anyone here......wherever you lay your hat on MWO, that's your home, but, for me, with recent struggling to get back, I made a decision to rest in the Newbies and stay there until I felt a little stronger. I am 61 days now and only now am I starting to venture out a little bit. I want this so much....
No matter how many days, months, years we have sober, when it comes to trying to get back after a relapse we are all in the same boat.
Pop in and give yourself a chance....nothing to lose.
Great to see you!

[choice]

Thanks Daisy, I remember you too Thanks for the welcome back. Well done on your 61 days! That feels so far away for me at the moment... I am kinda realizing I'm in a really tough space and kinda freaking out...

[NoSugar]

There are several physiological/biochemical explanations for why successive quits get harder but it seems to me the psychological issues are important, too - you know what you're getting into and know that it's tough and, you've let yourself down in all of this. You have to learn to believe in yourself again and get fired up. That gets harder to do. Surrounding yourself with people who help you do those things means so much. Little things like posting on roll call and getting silly little icon awards really can help :smile:.

Changing your signature was a great way to affirm that you're ready to do this!

[choice]

Thanks NS I can really see how getting fired up is going to be tougher as I almost feel silly, or phony sounding like I might have sounded in the past.. now that I've relapsed.

[choice]

How do I get my photo up? I have one that shows up in my profile but not for everyone to see? Thanks!