One Step at a Time -February 2015

[sunshinedaisies]

Hi Pauly - interesting to see what the addiction counsellor says to you but as you said it is early days yet.

Does anyone know anything about this Noro virus? I have Googled it and wasn't that worried but my brother seems to be .....

How are you doing Dottie ? I hope that your friend is still with you. Are you making the funeral arrangements? Can your friend stay with you through then ? I just feel SO much for you every time I think of what you are going through ....

Jan - sorry about nana too but glad that she too is in good hands .....

Hi Rusty - thanks for the hugs xx

Going to bed early tonight - all that is going on is so draining .....

[Dottie Belle]

sun friend is coming back shortly . His family gets here tomorrow. His sister is going to stay with me next week then I am on my own to ponder my future....I feel lost...

[Lizann]

Just a quick check in. BIL is here tonight doing some electrical with hubby.

Mama, didn't know nana was in ICU. Hope they figure out what's going on with her.

Sunny, coworker just returned from a two week cruise. The norovirus was spread the last few days, she said. It's a stomach virus, diarrhea, vomiting and such. I guess if a person is already compromised it could be much more dangerous. I think they treat it with antibiotics

Dottie, things are so chaotic for you right now. Just know that I am here for you for the long haul, ok?

Hey Pauly, rusty, Nora and everyone else. Have a good night!

[sunshinedaisies]

sun friend is coming back shortly . His family gets here tomorrow. His sister is going to stay with me next week then I am on my own to ponder my future....I feel lost...

Dottie - glad that your friend will be back shortly and that dh family is coming too. My friend lost her dh two years ago and was as devastated as you are - just call on your friends - they will want to help you and be with you but will not know what to do for you. Just let them be with you and talk about him to them ...

hugs to you (((((hugs)))))

love, sun xx

[sunshinedaisies]

Hey Liz - it is a virus so cannot be treated with ABX - I think it has to run it's course - when I googled it, it said that cruises, day-cares and hospitals were bad places for it. I guess in the elderly, their immune system is compromised, especially after a stroke, so the docs are worried more about dehydration so she has a drip to give her fluids ...

Hugs, sun xx

[Byrdlady]

For Dottie:

How you can help me

Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It's more
comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk
about him, and I need to do it over and over. I need to talk about what happened.
It makes an unreal event seem more real. You all knew me, him and “us”
in a different way. I want to remember it all.

Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get
comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know
when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence, sometimes that is enough.
Sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I don’t want to talk.
Please,don’t be offended. I don’t mean to pull away.
SometimesI just need to hide.

My grief isn’t contagious. I don’t expect you to cry when I cry but
I’m learning that is okay if you do.
My world is painful. I feel exposed and raw.
I feel isolated and alone at a time when I most need to be cared about.
If you don’t know what to say, just come
over,give me a hug or touch my arm.
You can even say, “I just don’t know what to say”
There are No Words.

I am not strong. I’m just numb, going through the motions.
When you tell me I am strong, I feel
that you don’t see me.

I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I’m not sick. I’m
grieving and that’s different. My grieving may only be just beginning.
Don’t think that I will be over it soon. For I am not only grieving his death,
but also the person I was when I was with him, the life
that we shared, the plans we had, the places we will never get to go together, the unfinished and the
hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled
andI will never be the same.

I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget him
and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and
love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be,
and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with anger and
often with tears.

I don’t have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has
happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just
not acceptable.

When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and
alone.I feel badly enough that my loved one is gone, he didn’t leave, he died
so please don’ t make it worse by telling me I’m not doing this right.
Please don’t tell me I will find someone else or that I need to start
again. I’m not ready. I can’t have what I want.
Whatever comes after will always be different.

I don’t even understand what you mean when you say, “You’ve got to move
on with your life” or “I don’t know how you do it”, Do I get a choice?
My life is moving on, I’ve been forced to take on
many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think
itshould. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So
please,just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and
support,the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget
and there will always be times that I cry.

I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your
hugs.I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need
to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in
my own way, and in my own time.

Please don’t say, “Call me if you need anything.” I’ll never call you
becauseI have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could
do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you
some ideas:
Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the
anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can’t
make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the
opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach
out on the more difficult days.

Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I
may say no at first or even for a while, but please don’t give up on me
because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you’ve given up
then I really will be alone.
Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples,
to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.

Please don’t judge me now – or think that I’m behaving strangely.
Remember I’m grieving. I may even still be in shock. I am afraid. I feel
deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I’m
experiencing a pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before and one that can’t
be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes. Every loss is different and unique. They cannot be compared to other losses.

Don’ tworry if you think I’m getting better and then suddenly I seem to
slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don’t
tell me you know how I feel, or that it’s time for me to get on with my
life. What I need now is more time.

Most of all thank you for being my friend, for your patience for caring helping and understanding. Thank you for praying for my peace.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss – when you need
me as I have needed you – I will understand. And then I will come and be
with you.

[Dottie Belle]

Byrdie that is fantastic, thanks so much..I am going to copy/paste and keep this one.

[SKendall]

Byrdie, that was an incredible gift.

[Lizann]

Thank you, Brydie <3

[Rusty]

Byrdie, thank you for finding the right words to comfort Dottie when the rest of us couldn't.

Dottie-I left you a PM asking if there was a favorite charity you or your husband had where I could make a donation. Please let me know when you feel up to it. I know dh's sister is coming into town tomorrow and I pray that she can bring you some relief.

[mama bear]

Byrd, that is lovely. I am going to give it to Nana. We lost Pop a year ago.
Sun - Nana got c diff in the hospital. It's a nasty infection, but she got over it.
Dottie - Nana is in a sewing group and she had just started square dancing before this last incident happened. We have bought her day trips with a singles club.
I know this is not ready for this just yet; it's just something to consider.
Bri comes back from bereavement leave today. sigh
Nana may get moved from ICU today....
coffee..................

[mama bear]

Dottie - one more thing...does your church offer grief counseling?

[bird]

Hi all,
I am going to join you. I've been here a long time but not lately. Some of you know me and some don't. I am on my way to work but will be back tonight.

[sunshinedaisies]

BIRD! How lovely to see you again .... welcome. I know that others will be thrilled to see you too ....

Hugs, Sun XXX

[Dottie Belle]

Rusty I didn't get a PM but here is the info.
I am asking all memorials go to our church I will PM anyone the info.
I didn't sleep well..3 hours then wide awake..took another pill then 3 more the I gave up. I am never up this early. I just cant stop the madness in my brain. The what if's and why and all the things that make no damn sense at all. I am just misterable and sad...