One Step at a Time - March 2015

[sunshinedaisies]

Dottie - I am so proud of you for doing this AF - you really are amazing ! Not sure that I could have done that ..... yes, at this time of year it is hard to have a yard sale!! Anyway it is good for you to sort stuff out and I am really happy that your friends are rallying ....

K9 - sorry about all the hassle for you with the mover. I totally understand! We are having to get our house ready for showing before I leave tomorrow and I am just freaking out about everything - I am sure that you are trying to hold it all together too with Sierra and missing work and everything.

Got to go and paint ..... oh, and I need to pack sometime too!

hugs, Sun XXX

[Recluse]

Good morning/afternoon steppers :happy2:

Dots, it sounds as though you are doing everything you possibly can do to help yourself to adjust to your new circumstances and I think you are being extremely brave. I also think you are wise to try to stay busy and it probably makes sense to get some of the more unpleasant jobs out of the way as quickly as possible if you can. Don't forget to allow yourself time to grieve when you need to, and be kind and gentle with yourself too.

Liz, I am glad you like your new kitchen, it sounds wonderful and hopefully you will get a lot of pleasure out of working in it for many years to come. Good news that your sisters have backed off a bit, I am sure you can do without that extra pressure.

Rusty, I am really impressed that you have your own QA company and not a little envious that you get to travel all over the world. Hope you get a chance to enjoy the Windy City while you are there. :happy2:

Mama, my sympathies on the 2 hour journey home last night, that could not have been much fun after a long day at work.

Sunny, glad you were able to have a lie in. When do you have to leave tomorrow?

Niner, sorry about the rental agency screwing up, that is very unfortunate and probably the last thing you need right now. Is there no way you could stay where you are for a little while longer?

Hi to everyone else. :happy2:

[paulywogg]

Hey all, jeez,I drank last nite, I feel so disrespectful for even posting this because of Dots and everything you're going through and you've kept it together, I missed work today, I'm such an asshole! I feel like this is NEVER going to end,oh wow I can do 30 days yippie,then drink more in a night than a 500 lb man,I am just fed up

[mama bear]

Pauly - you are not an asshole. I think Dottie knows the worlds keeps spinning...which a terrible when you are grieving. You want everything to stop and slow down so you can deal, but it doesn't happen.
What happened that made you want to drink? Did you get wasted and do anything stupid? I hate it that you are missing work today. How's the anxiety going.......I understand drinking when you are climbing the walls. I am not saying it is right, but I get it.
Dottie- it just occurred to me that you are honoring hubby by not drinking. You are incredible, but I agree with Beloved Mr. Bear that you will need to grieve at some point, if you aren't already. You are so incredibly strong.
Sunny - I love the term "lie in".....so very British!!
Niner - when I have an eviction, I wait thirty days before moving anyone in. We are unsure how long it will take for the police to come change locks, and the place us usually trashed. Are you expected to clean the unit?? That's ridiculous....but I don't know the laws in CA. I would insist on seeing the place before you sign any paperwork!!
Hey Lizz......

[mama bear]

Sunni - I forgot your were leaving tomorrow!!! Gosh - your plate is full!

[Dottie Belle]

I am grieving and crying after I go to bed. When SIL leaves I may cry at a TV show we watched or just anything that reminds me of him or something we did. I am just trying to keep busy so I dont totally fall apart. That is how I cope.
pauly what happened??? You could always come here and talk...u know I am most always on line and now even more so. We are here for you.

[mama bear]

Awwwww Dots - it's ok if you fall apart, you know!
We are here for you , too!!
Off for a quick lunch and then more employee reviews......
I keep waiting for my phone to ring from my interview......

[paulywogg]

Thanks Mama and Dots, I'm just a dick,this klonopin taper has got me frazzled, in the past month I've gotten more than 4 hours of sleep 3 times! Mama, you know,you've been through this, it blows ass! Yes,there are a gazillion things I could have done instead, but I just feel overwhelmed with things, and I was telling Ginger that seeing the addiction counselor is making me feel worse, I can't keep rehashing my worst times every week, it's reliving horrible memories that I put in the past,and he gave me a AA book I'm supposed to read, hell,maybe I'm not truly committed,this cycle is going on and on,I just can't

[paulywogg]

Oh,I forgot in my selfishness, K9, I've moved into places that needed to be cleaned up, usually the landlord will take some off the deposit/rent for your work, when hubs was doing handyman crap we used to hafta clean up places that people destroyed, holes in walls, old food left in the fridge to rot etc,for some reason being evicted pisses people off haha

[treetops]

Pauly - you screwed up one night but you did a month of being AF. So get back to being sober - today! Lots of people here have 'broken AF records' but the important thing is that you get used to being sober. I suggest that you do keep seeing the counsellor - its not been that long. You have to give these things time. Don't worry about the AA book. I had counsellors suggest AA several times for me and it was not to my liking - and I did give AA a brief go as well. You have to keep trying and you know that there will be suggestions that you hate. You are a strong woman and you can deal with that.
I don't know what to suggest about the sleeping and the other stuff - but in the meantime please don't turn to AL to ease anxiety or as a sleeping aid.
Lots of hugs XX

[paulywogg]

Thanks TT,you've always been one of my rocks here there's no excuses anymore, damn,missing work today was not an option, I am not gonna be around here much anymore, I'm in a place that is not good for anyone, justneed to focus on me for now,damn,I'm so disappointed in myself

[Ginger999]

Pauly, here is where you need to be more than every. Please stay close and just get through this ONE day.

[mama bear]

Pauly - DO NOT LEAVE....................
AND - I was given sleeping meds to replace the klonopin...remember?? There HAS to be another doctor you can find.....
DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT THERE.................................kiss kiss
just had lunch(which I rarely do) and we laughed and laughed. It was very therapeutic to bitch to a real live person...hahahahaha!

[Lizann]

Pauly, no don't go!!! Stay here and let us help you. We can focus on you too. You've done this before and thirty days is fantastic! I wish I had thirty days. You guys helped me through my last epic fail.
Here's my humble opinion. Can you let the addiction counselor know that you drank and that you don't like bringing up the past? I personally can't see how that has been at all helpful to you. Maybe she can help you without digging up the past. Just a thought.

Kids just got home, gonna make dinner and I'll be back.

[mama bear]

Snap Lizz - good advice!