One Step at a Time - March 2015

[mama bear]

Kradle - reading your post was a great way to start the day!! I saw his video and I am so darn happy!! Please stay here with us for a bit, ok? And excellent job on the no drinking. Having Matt doing so well is probably helping a lot. K9, I would love to fly out there...we would have a blast!
Rusty I am glad you got some shopping in and are having decent weather.
YAY on the floor lizz - and YAY on not drinking!!
Pauly - you are loved. Do you think your drinking is habit?? What is so shitty in your life right now?
Dots - just hugs and more hugs. And a few more.
Off to pack up my office today.....

[bird]

I am late for work but will write a little.....Pauly, I have never drink to get drunk. I always think I will just drink a bit but I always get drunk everytime. It is I am just trying to relax a bit but it never works that way. Crazy how your mind works...K9 that woman...uhg!!....Dots I know its tough but you are doing it.....Sun, safe travels...everyone have a good day

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
Of to my class. It is foggy and dark out and I dont like driving in that kind of mess...but I am going. If I can learn to meditate maybe I can calm my mind. Horrible night last night. Weird dreams and fitful sleep. I feel like I am in a fog this morning.
Class then gym later. The grief meeting tonight was cancelled due to illness of the leader and they suggested another one but I hate to start there then have to change so I might just stay home. Poor doggies have not seem much of me lately.
I am finding more web sites to visit on grief so the more I read maybe the better I will feel or learn to cope...this alone feeling is the pits. I was texting with a friend last night until I went to bed. She is a widow too. Lost her husband after a long illness...not sure if that is better or worse...he is still gone too and we both grieve...
OK so much for bringing everyone down first thing in the morning.....Have a good day everyone.

[K9Lover]

Dots - You are not bringing us down, you are just sharing your feelings and we are glad to be here anytime you need to vent! You are really an amazing woman. What you're going through is terrible, but you are learning to cope.
Pauly - How are you doing today? I feel ya on the drinking to escape thing. My life is an absolute mess right now. In a few days I might be living in Motel 6 so I can take the dogs (it's cheaper to get a room than to board them!!). I woke up at 4am today and just cried because I can't believe my life has come to this! Just remember that the bad times DO pass. I hope you hang in there my dear friend!
Mama - Come on out, I'm sure I can put you to work. LOL Are you sad packing up your office? What is going to happen to 'Tucky? I bet she's sorry to see you go!! Hurry up and meet a new psycho so you can share some stories...
KRADLE!!!! I'm soooo happy for you and Mathieu!!! OMG I remember when this "journey" began...you have been through so much. When I think of all of you I KNOW I can get through this glitch in my life too...
Nora, Bird, Rusty, Lizz and everyone else, have a great day. My supervisors are leaving for the day so I'll have plenty of time to visit here. I am curious to see what my attorney has to say about that email I received yesterday. What pisses me off so much is that she implied that I spend my money frivilously on Gucci bags and shit, when really I had to take a lot of time off unpaid to keep Sierra alive....btw, Sierra is doing better, psychiatrist on Monday, therapist on Tuesday.
Back later peeps!

[Dottie Belle]

I had a major meltdown in the car on the way back from my class...I was screaming at God asking why he took the love of my life and now I am alone....I just dont understand why....and I never will...
I am going to the gym later. Maybe it will help my mood. I dont know it is just an hour by hour thing right now...
I was thinking about buying a bottle and just getting smashed but that wont change anything and it will just make me feel like crap....damn it anyhow....

[K9Lover]

Awww (((Dots)))....I am so sorry. I know it doesn't help, but it's a part of the grieving process and it's perfectly natural for you to feel overcome at times. I think you should go ahead and scream and cry and kick something if you need to. Let it out. Good job for not drinking. I am sure the gym will help a little bit at least...keep us posted on how you're doing today.

[mama bear]

Dots - scream away. Letting the rage out is good.
You are not bringing us down....I am glad we are here for you.
Niner - I have been meaning to ask about Sierra.....and why is your life the shits right now?? You have a job you like, your daughter is doing better, you are moving to a new home, you have an awesome family (in real life and on line), you have an attorney taking care of your.....turn that frown upside down girlie!!
I am sure I will meet a psycho soon that I can entertain ya'll with.
Yes - I am sad packing up my desk, but am ready to get out of here, earn some more money, and start something new.
My team wants to take me to dinner and out for drinks....hubs is understandable worried, but I won't over do it.
bacinabit

[NoraC]

Sorry that I haven't been here. The Quality Audit is next week. I absolutely HATE my job and am trying to calm down and not just quit. This is not just because of the audit - it is because the General Manager (boss's daughter) is a controlling person that is making me crazy.
Mama - I am so grateful that you got a new job. What a terrible surprise to find out that the property was sold.
Kradle - I know that I owe you a call. I'm sorry. But, you are in my thoughts.
Dottie - great big hugs. I do hope that the support group helps.

Miss controlling is back so I've got to run. Waving to everyone..........

[mama bear]

Nora - do what I did. Decide it's time for a change and join professional associations in your field. Put yourself out there and believe in yourself. Network.....it may take some time , but if you believe in yourself, it will happen!!

[mama bear]

heading out for my "going away" dinner.....

[Dottie Belle]

Home from gym grab a bite of food that the neighbor brought over...really good need to ask for recipe.
New grief group tonight...I will keep looking until I find one that is a good fit for me.
Made it home without crying....Yea me.

[Lizann]

Good luck tonight Dottie! That's nice that the neighbors are cooking for you. I am glad that you are being proactive

Kradle, yay on Matthieus graduation!!! That's great. I am so happy for you all!! It's so good to hear from you. I have missed you. How are YOU, how are the girls?

Mama, have fun tonight! I expect to see pictures on fb!

Nora, I'm sorry about the job. Is this something that will straighten out after the audit? Sounds like you are working a lot.

K9, how's the packing going? Are you going to have help moving? A lot of changes for you, hope you are ok with all them.

Bird, I'm sorry but you had me laughing this morning, late for work again? How many days in a row did you get on time?

Rusty, I think it was you asking about sissys. Yes I speak to my twin pretty much daily. I have been calling here now too, like we always did. Conversations are a little weird still, but definitely normal. She hasn't "asked" me in awhile, but tonight she asked me if I've had a drink lately, which no I have not. Truth be told, I was soo tempted today but I did not. Stressing a bit over my daughter and her boyfriend.

Pauly, how are you today? I was thinking about you today as I was struggling with buying that bottle. I ultimately did not, but darn it, it's hard. Hang in there, you kids and Louie need you. Check in ok, please?

Sunny, I guess you must be back home by now, dealing with that jet lag.

I hope I didn't forget anyone! BIL and hubby are working on the kitchen floor tonight again. No cooking for me tonight. Just heated some leftovers in the microwave. Enjoy your night!

[Dottie Belle]

This group was much better. There is also a group of more my age folks that i will check out too.
I will keep at this...
Tomorrow a fellow from out train club is coming by to start clearing out hubbs train stuff...I can not keep it or go to the basement and see it every day. Hurts to much. Cant do anything with his clothes just yet...all in good time and on my time.

[Roadside]

U

I wrote my current landlord an email this morning informing him that I would be unable to afford a new lawn or the last months rent (that I won't even be in the house...I was directed by my attorney to do this) and you would NOT believe the mean, insulting, berating email his wife wrote me back. She even brought up my religion and told me I am a horrible example of my "beliefs". She went on and on about my spending habits and how she hopes I am disgusted with myself, because she is. She says once I am settled and have no debt she wants me to think about them and other responsible people like them that have to work hard to pay for MY lifestyle. Long story short, I forwarded her response to my attorney, and I won't be putting much elbow grease into cleaning the house. Funny how she left out the part of my paying on the FIRST of every month for the last 6.5 years.

Sorry for the rant

K9,

I know it is water under the bridge now, but maybe landlord's wife needs to go to India or Africa for a sustained amount of time and see how her expression of values add up with her beliefs. BLUF, any lifestyle in the US does not properly reflect any values. Most simply try to survive in a complicated, bureaucratic system.

[mama bear]

I am up but moving a little slow. We had a lot of fun last night and laughed and laughed. I had two margaritas and my tummy is not used to that.
Dottie- I am glad you found a better group. I hope it helps the healing can begin. I am also glad someone is coming to get hubs train stuff. So sad....
Lizz - is your kitchen almost done?? I am glad you and sissy are having normal conversations again.
The whole family is going to see Journey and The Steve Miller Band tonight. YAY!