One Step at a Time - March 2015

[Dottie Belle]

Morning ladies,
Went to the gym and slept a little better. This will improve over time I hope.
I see the counselor later today so I know that will help. 2 grief groups next week. I am the worst when I stay here alone all day all night. I have to get out and be with people. Preferable people who dont know my husband so I dont have that added pressure. I miss him terribly and the pain wont go away any time soon and I know this.
Making slow progress.

[K9Lover]

Good morning my peeps!
Dots...as everyone else has said, you are NOT scaring us away! We love you mucho and need you here! Talk away my dear friend! :love:
Sorry I haven't been around much, I am STILL at Motel 6 with the dogs and Sierra....we finally check out tomorrow, we cannot wait! It hasn't been bad or anything, but it's just not "home". Saw my new condo last night and it's soooo cute...we are anxious to get settled. I may have to get rid of a few more things because it is much smaller than the house. For a while I was unsure if I would get it because my asshole ex-landlord gave me a horrible reference...but then I printed up my bank statement that showed 6+ years of paying him electronically on or BEFORE the first of each month so the owner overlooked his comments. He also told her that I left the house majorly damaged, which is BULLSHIT...excuse my French. Anyways, screw him....I'm moving on! There's a cute little courtyard right outside my front door that looks like a park with benches. No garage or anything, but it's time to simplify!
Mama - Hows your week off been? I am jealous!!! I know I've taken a lot of time of recently, but it was to move in 92 degree weather...not exactly relaxing. LOL Did you mention Peter Rabbit? I thought you broke the poor dude. ha
Well tomorrow's my day off, and I'll be moving again....will try to check in later today, we have a staff meeting at 8...
Love you guys...sorry I didn't mention everyone, but you know who you are!! :hug:

[jane27]

K9, so exciting to be moving into a new place! A whole new backdrop! Congrats! Are you going to repaint any rooms?

Dottie, you're a champ. Have you ever considered collecting your writings to put together for a book on grief , and for others to read for support and reference? Every thing you are feeling is real and important. A memoir about how you managed might by someone else's life saver. Where did you learn about the support groups?

Wishing everyone a great day.

[Dottie Belle]

Jane I found some through a friend who is a widow too and I did a Google search for some. Chaplin at the hospital where we volunteered steered me to the hospice group. That is where I am seeing the counselor and will attend one of her groups. Another was from a church I went to with a friend. They had a list of local groups. So no one place and I have tried a few so far and have not found the right group yet but I have many more to choose from. We have one at our church but it is full of women who are much older than I am and I dont want that. I need to learn how to live without him and to process all the grief and anger and all the other emotions that are bubbling to the surface.
I was single for a long time before I met him and it was as if I was now whole with him and now half of my self without. I know time will help but I also know I can not do this alone.
OK really long answer to your question.

[mama bear]

Dots- you got great answers from everyone, so know we are ok with you venting.
K9 - your landlord is an ass...plain and simple.
Bird - I am so sorry about Pouncer. Lucky Cat is sitting here beside me wanting some of my dinner....we were to have put him down 6 weeks ago....so maybe there's hope.
I spent all day running Nana around...doctor, lab, pharmacy, grocery, bank...this gal is tired
I have seen that look of disgust on my family's faces, too.
I kind of enjoyed AA, but never found a meeting I went too regularly.
Hope you are surviving the audit, Nora.
Sun - I had laughing today about my friend loosing her boobies on an airline flight!

[Dottie Belle]

Went to the grief counselor today. She thinks I am trying to go around the grief and not working through it, need to talk more about that. I had several crying jags in the car today.
When I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital during his surgery I was playing a word search game and the words "widow" and "stroke" came up...shortly after they told me he had coded .....I cant help but wonder if he was trying to tell me something??? Maybe I am just crazy i dont know but it might make more sense since he was having trouble remembering things and how to use things in the car and where we were going. Was he having little TIA's and I didnt notice??? I will never know but it is kind of creepy.
I went to the gym and walked on the treddie and did the weights with the group..I am tired too. I am going to try sleeping without the Benedryl tonight and see how it goes...I can always get up and take one.
The boy dogs decided to get in a fight....sure wish hubbs was here to help me....so much I am missing and needing.

[mama bear]

Dots- sounds to me like you are going through plenty of grief and around nothing....but what do I know? I am glad you are going...
not awake just yet...last day off....wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[paulywogg]

Hey all, it's 3 am here and I can't stop sneezing so I'm watching shitty videos on vh1! It's about the only time they play music anymore, usually it's dumb unwatchable reality shows, what else did the grief lady say Dots?what does she think you should do to work through the grief? I still think you're doing great,no way could I be handling this as well as you are gosh I haven't seen Louie since Tuesday just too sick, getting through work this week was awful, Dayquil worked the first few days but yesterday it was making me feel worse so today I'm just gonna tough it out,I'm off anyways, but it's Kellie's birthday so I'll have to drag my ass to the 99 cent store sometime,"sugar" by maroon 5 is on right now, great song HATE being sick! Can't do anything I want like walk,or even clean up, I did manage to spot mop yesterday cuz the floor was driving me crazy, but it's just been a week from hell,hubs is sick too that's why I figured I'd come downstairs so my sneezing doesn't wake him up, every time I sneeze I can feel him stirring, ho-hum,alrighty hello to all,I'll more than likely be back later to bug everybody haha

[sunshinedaisies]

Morning all ... gosh Pauly, I hope that you feel better - is it a cold or is it allergies ? Or have you already said and I forgot ? Anyway I really hope that you feel better soon - does hubs have the same thing as you ? Feel better xx

Dottie - I agree with whomever said it - what is it that you are supposed to be doing re the grief? It sounds to me as if you are working through it and it is really early days yet!! I think you are doing amazingly well - not sure that I would do as well in similar circumstances ! Did you ask her what you are 'supposed' to be doing ?

Hi Jan - enjoy your last day off - do you start your new job Monday? Do you have to travel far for it? Further than your other job ?

Hey there Jane - how are you doing today?

K9 - you moved in 92 degree weather ? Was that from your house to the motel? Or your stuff into storage and your dads? (was it your dads ? I forget!!)

We have someone coming to look at the house today at 1.00 - I work again this morning and am not sure if I will be home by then or not.... and talking of work - Liz, I did finally PM you !!! I have mine set up so that I get an e-mail when I get a PM - not sure if you saw the PM or not.

Okay - got to feed the dogs and then get ready for work ...

Hugs all, Sun xx

[mama bear]

I start Monday and travel to Orlando.....will be out of town next Tuesday and Wednesday.....kind of looking forward to it, but need to buy things for wireless hook ups, etc. I am totally clueless on that stuff.
Pauly- Dayquil in the morning and Nyquil in the evening....everything is in bloom here right now and my nose closes up the minute I go outside. The azaleas and dogwoods are gorgeous right now....

[mama bear]

Sun - I hope the flippin realtor shows up today!

[mama bear]

Pauly - will go look for that video since I love Maroon 5
I just loaded "I'm Still Alice" on to my Nook too

[sunshinedaisies]

I just loaded "I'm Still Alice" on to my Nook too

''

The movie or the book MB ??? I LOVED the book .....

[mama bear]

the book...then I will go see the movie
Hubs and I enjoy Oscar movies...the best one this year, in our opinion, was "Whiplash"
I worked out on the elliptical yesterday AND today.....WTF is wrong with me :-)

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
Had dreams about hubby last night. He wasn't talking to me just a presence. Woke missing him so much.
Gym later then I guess home alone tonight. No clue how I could occupy myself somewhere alone. I was OK doing that a few decades ago but not now.
Money stuff is still messed up. Investment folks called today to say that the holder of some of them couldnt reach me...how hard did they try, so I need to sign more forms and it will take yet more time....I am very frustrated. Well that does not seem to take much now. We saved so much so we could travel this and next year so now what. I watch the sun set over the storage shed in the back yard???? Damn this makes me so mad. We did without so we could enjoy things and now I am here alone with no one to enjoy things with...double damn!!
Gloomy out today and that does not help my disposition one little bit.
Dogs are all over me today. Guess they feel my pain and are trying to console me maybe??? If it weren't for them I am not sure I would have gotten out of bed the last few weeks. Bless their little hearts...