One Step at a Time - March 2015

[paulywogg]

Dots, I just asked about the paxil cuz I have the bottle of it still just sitting here, scared of anti d's after my Zoloft debacle I shudder just thinking of taking it,however my anxiety is yucky and I feel like it's never gonna go away, it's not all the time but when I get it,it's bad,Mama, what did your son say?hubs is watching that Joel Osteen guy,I guess that's his version of going to church haha,btw,I saidscrew the walk and went back to bed

[Lizann]

Pauly, what happened with the Zoloft? I was on it about ten years ago and it did wonders for me. I woke up one morning about two weeks after starting it ready to take on the world! I never spoke to anyone about stopping and weaned myself off without any problem. I am now taking lexapro and I get what you mean about blunt feeling Dottie. I am backing off on the dose, hoping to find a happy medium. Dottie, how about going to a different church? Didn't you like the one you went to one night.
Mama, if I might be so bold, what did your son lecture you about? My mild mannered son had a FIT with me on Thursday night. He was soooo mad, screaming at me. My oldest daughter was here as well and she was compassionate and understanding. I deserved to be yelled at, but honestly thought how much further the compassion has taken me. Glad things are better with hubs.
Check back later, kids bought dinner home!

[Dottie Belle]

Liz all my/our friends are at this church but it is so very difficult to think about going back there. I do like the one I went to that night but starting over is scary too. Maybe after Easter...or not. I am just not going to push myself. No one to tell me what to do or when.
I know I couldn't predict that he would have a heart attack but I still feel guilty. I have been reading that this is normal. I look at his picture and his great smile and just lose it.
I was putting some of his train stuff in a box to give away and found the book with the details of what would have been our layout and the goofy name we gave it. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. Just when I think I cant cry any more I do....so sad and I dont understand why I am not allowed to have a good life with a good man for once.

[Lizann]

Dottie, been thinking about what you said about your hubby and if only he hadn't gone. I don't know what the doctors told you but is it possible it would have happened anyway? Like maybe at home when you guys were alone, or when he was driving. Not much consolation but he was with the very people that if anything could've been done, they were the ones to do it. Were I work when a code is called, it's usually all available anesthesiologists on deck. Done blame yourself or what if. It's so hard and I am not good at comforting. Forgive me if I say something hurtful, I'm just trying to help. I have never met him, but I feel the lose with you! (((Hugs)))!!!

[paulywogg]

Liz, if Zoloft worked good for you, how come you didn't just go back on it,if you don't mind me asking, Dots, I'll bet Sunday is one of the worst days for you kinda boring today, think we should have taken Louie to the park or something, oh well, work week starts tomorrow and I'll be looking forward to a day off again anyways

[Dottie Belle]

Liz there were even cardiologists from the big hospital there for a meeting and they tried to save him too. When an army came in the waiting room I knew he was gone. I have worked in healthcare long enough to know...and I know it could have happened anywhere but I was just not thinking nor were any of the docs who did the pre op testing. I will never know.

[mama bear]

home from dinner with nana and hope I can sleep tonight b/c I start my new job tomorrow
Dots - love and hugs

[Lizann]

Pauly, the doctor for my new insurance said the drugs today are better. I figured I would give it a try. I don't have the anxiety like I did, but like Dottie says I feel so, well I don't feel. When Mark called and told me he was going to Switzerland, I acted happy, but I didn't feel it. I think that's why I drank and that's why I'm cutting back.i didn't realize the medication could do this to me. I am going to the doctor Tuesday and I will ask her about it.
Dottie, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Maybe if the weather gets a little better, that will help too? Just stay here and talk to us. Whenever and whatever, ok?
Mama, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Good luck and I can't wait to hear about it.
Yes a quiet boring day. But I'll take it. Cleaned out some old magazines and such. I beginning to feel less guilty about just chilling. I don't always have to be doing, right?
Sunny, have we heard from you today? What did you do? Whatever happened with your mum?
Nora, k9 hope you're both doing ok.
Good night my loves. Sweet dreams

[mama bear]

Good Morning Love Bugs
I take Paxil and I feel......maybe I have been taking it too long, but I have strong emotions....sometimes too strong. I have always been that way. I think that the horrible misery of grief is normal and different for so many people. If you begin to be unable to function or do daily tasks have persistent thoughts of suicide...that's the time to get to the doctor.
About to get into the shower and head out the door....wish me luck!!

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
Well one month ago today I lost the love of my life and my life will never be the same again. I struggle every day to put one foot in front of the other. I am so sad and angry at things. My very happy life is now so gloomy and dark. I hope the counseling and groups will help me get past this and see life differently. I can not imagine living in this pit forever.
Fellow will be here shortly to help me clear out more train stuff in the basement. This is so sad to. Hubby wanted this so badly and now I am taking it down but I cant bear to look at it when I go down there to do laundry.

[paulywogg]

Hey all, can't believe it's been a month Dots ((hugs)) I think antidepressants just work different for different people and like Mama says if depression/anxiety is messing with your life everyday then something is needed, I'm just torn cuz I really only feel blue like 3 days out of the month, usually period time, but this damn anxiety is getting worse, I'm anxious about NOTHING, it could be that I'm not sleeping well and that's making me tense, but I don't wake up anxious, it's totally weird, good luck Mama Nora,check in, hey Liz,well off to get ready

[Lizann]

Keeping you in my prayers today Dottie. It just doesn't seem fair for you to have to go through this.
Good luck mama, I can't wait to hear about the new job. I'm sure you'll do great.
Well, I'm home today. I'll check back later. Happy Monday!

[Lizann]

Cross post Pauly, good morning, I went back on the antid because of the anxiety. Have a good day.

[sunshinedaisies]

Good Morning everyone - I was a real slug-a-bed this morning as hubs sorted the dogs so I didn't have to get up ..... and had taken TWO Benadryl last night - still didn't sleep very well. Not sure what is up with that!! I am not going to take anything any more as my body has got to get used to me sleeping without stuff .... I always used to sleep so well then not long ago it all changed ... I am wondering if it is the Naltrexone?

Dottie - I suggested a little while ago that you tried Rhodiola - it takes the edge of things - it isn't an AD and doesn't stop the emotions - but does help very subtly. When I find life overwhelming that is where I usually start - I stopped my AD's over a year ago now but now and then will take the Rhodiola for a few days - try it and see ... it isn't magic, but it does help ever so slightly !

Hi Liz - there are so many different AD's out there when I first started them YEARS ago, I had to try four before I found one that didn't make me feel like a zombie - what are you on ? Maybe when you see your doc, ask to change it to something else ? I loved Celexa but had to be on 60mg for it to work for me then the FDA came along and said 60mg could cause heart problems - and 40mg didn't hack it for me - they put me on a different one at a low dose - I had withdrawal from the Celexa and ended up in hospital with a suspected stroke! Turned out it was withdrawal as my doctor hadn't taken me off the Celexa properly !!

MB - good luck with the job today - we are all eagerly awaiting to hear how it went !!

Pauly - maybe you could try the Rhodiola too - just around your period time ? When I still had them, I took a magnesium/calcium sup - and it actually worked !! Take it about a week before you are due ....

I have really long hair - and am thinking about getting it cut in a Judi Dench style !! Apart from when I was bald, I have always had my hair long - if I ever got it cut it was still always long enough to scrag back in a pony tail .... but am thinking of doing this! Thoughts anyone ???

Hey Bird - where are you ? How was your weekend ?

Off to walk a dog or two .... have a great day everyone,

hugs, Sun XX

[K9Lover]

Hi Everyone,
Haven't had a chance to read back yet...today is FINALLY moving day, I am leaving early. Hope to catch up with you all soon!

Love you'se :love: