One Step at a Time - March 2015

[Lizann]

Bird, how old was pouncer?
Mama are you like always in a good mood?

[paulywogg]

Hey all, I hate Monday but whatevs, Winslow is always a gay dog but he's even gayer when he gets a haircut haha,hope everyone enjoyed their weekend, hubs grilled steak yesterday they were so good, Louie even ate a whole one it's so nice to be able to sit outside while he's grilling and sip my diet coke, bbq's used to be a big trigger, not anymore, hopefully little associations with drinking are being broken even though it's taken fucking forever(excuse my French) or don't, but I think it's happening little by little, I used to get off on Saturday afternoon and really feel like drinking, now I don't, cooking used to be a drinking event,that's been broken long ago,just over it,hello to all, hope everyone has a lovely Monday

[Lizann]

Wow, Pauly! Good for you! I feel like it's happening little by little, though no one hear sees it. I'm just so down today, but I will not drink. My son booked his flights to Switzerland yesterday. He should be excited but he's upset with me, getting the cold shoulder.

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
I am so tired of getting up and crying. Not sure what to do about this but it starts off my day in a real funk.
I do have lots of things to complete today. I just dont have any energy. So used to having him around to help me that this is all overwhelming at times.
Nursing home OT folks called with some ideas so I will follow up on that. Way too much for one person to handle but there is no one else so here I am. sigh
Dogs are fed and I am having my morning beverage. How did life get to be this way when I had such great plans....
AND I want to drink away this sorrow so bad I can not hardly stand it. I knwo it wont make anything better but I am so sad and lonely and depressed that it is consuming me.
Maybe the counselor later can talk me off the ledge.....

[Lizann]

Ooo Dottie, the ledge? I read the pain and sadness in your words. I would give anything to be able to help you! I have done a lot of crying today too. Dont start drinking again, you ll just end up crying for yet another reason like me. I know very little about grieving, but are there sometimes that are better than others? Is there anything I can do? I'll PM you my cell, if you just want to cry, I will be here for you. (((Hugs)))!

[Dottie Belle]

I am off the ledge now.
Counselor was very helpful and told me I am doing very well for this new to the grieving process and doing all this alone.
I feel better just get so overwhelmed with it all.
Found out my retirees medical was changed without telling me so I was on the phone for 2 hours trying to get that fixed or at least understand what happened. So much crap to sort through....

[mama bear]

home from another 12 hour day...sigh
But I love my new job and all the people, so that's good
Lizz - am I always in a good mood?? I try very hard to be positive and I am naturally silly and fun, so I guess so....trust me....I have bad days
Sorry about the drinking Bird....I can imagine losing Pouncer really upset you.
Pauly - enjoy the grill.....I am about to eat some steak the boys cooked
Dots- glad the grief counselor helped...I cannot imagine doing it alone...
off to eat and die and get up and do it again
LIzz- I hope your son lightens up. Mine fuss at me but I know they love me.
Saturday was date night and I had some wine, but then I took my meds and walked around the house....I don't even remember it, so it scared the crap out of me.
If I am going to do date night anymore, I won't take any meds....or else the smart thing to do would be not to drink, but date night is special.....sigh.........

[Lizann]

Ahh mama, yes that is scary. Can you take your meds in the morning instead? Does hubs get upset with you? Yes, I suppose Mark will come around, I know he loves me. I asked him if one of the reasons he's taking the Switzerland job was to get away from me. He said no, but I would image it will be a relief and I know hubby will keep him posted. How am I going to get through Europe without drinking? I need to get some sober time under my belt.

Dottie, you do sound better and I am glad! Are you eating? How's the sleeping?

[Dottie Belle]

Liz I am eating more and sleeping better. No gym today since trainer gal is on vacation so I should have gone for a walk but the time on the phone with the insurance folks and the counseling appt took up the daylight hours for me....and I have lots booked for the rest of the week.

[Lizann]

Anything good booked Dottie?

[Dottie Belle]

Nothing exciting but interesting maybe.
Family night at dads Alzheimer's facility. They are giving a talk on the disease process and I will find that interesting.
Grief group tomorrow night and i like that group.
Easter egg hunt on Saturday. Our group from church helps the local park folks and it is a good time.
Thursday night at church....
so that is my agenda for the week so far......

[mama bear]

you sound strong right now Dottie...I know you don't feel that way....
I went to bed at 8:45 so now I am up.....I am thinking about getting on the elliptical....maybe....:-p
Lizz....I didn;t think about taking my meds in the morning. Isn't it stupid how effed up our thought process is?? How about just nit drinking....duh...
Hope Mark is sweet today...xo

[mama bear]

15 minutes on elliptical.....at 5am!!! Progress not perfection

[paulywogg]

Hey all, at least it's something Mama I had the choice between lying down for a bit longer or going for my walk, I chose the first, just woke up feeling weird, as far as date night goes I think it's important to have that time together and you don't seem like you drink all crazy but tbh I'd rather hear about what you ate than the wine( just cuz I'm a foodie haha)watched them roast Justin Beiber last night on comedy central, it was funny, surprisingly Martha Stewart was pretty good, I love roasts anyways but I'd be scared if it was me,Dots,you're staying busy and that's great jeez I feel groggy, gonna go plaster on some make up so I'll look half way human for work haha, have a wonderful day guys

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
Sun is out and that makes me feel good.
Errands later and the grief group tonight. We are supposed to bring something that is a good memory of our loved one so I am taking a picture of us dancing and a train engine from his collection. Both hobbies brought us great joy.
I am not doing well in the exercise this week. With the trainer gal on vacation I am slacking off. Not good for my sleep. Maybe tomorrow I can get myself on the treddie. Or go outside and walk the dogs around the street...something, anything to get the blood pumping...and burn some calories...
Back later.