Lonely

[MossRose]

I am lonely. I am also sober. So, therefore, I am sober and lonely. It's 3:30 pm on a Saturday here, and I am doing my best. I am cooking good food. I am checking in at MWO. I am planning my garden. I am doing many things. I am grateful. But I am lonely. These wonderful things I am doing seem somewhat hollow because I have no one to share them with. Some days I am jealous (or is the correct word - envious) of everyone here who has "someone". Someone that really cares. If you do, and they are nice, please appreciate them. I have never really had that, so I can only imagine how wonderful it is. This is a cry-baby post. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I am sad. But I am sober. So there's that.

[paulywogg]

Aww Mossy,this post makes me sad can't you join some classes?maybe a cooking class or an exercise class or something, sometimes I get lonely even though I'm surrounded by everyone, I need to get my butt into some hobbies where I'm surrounded by some other people too,it's all about growing ourselves ya know? I'm happy that you're sober and I'm jealous of your garden

[Byrdlady]

I am hobbying myself silly, Pauly! Recently, been baking and decorating cakes! Been a lot of fun and they bring joy to the folks Im giving them to.

Moss, Im sorry you are lonely. I will hold you close in my thoughts...hugs dear lady. Byrdie

[Guitarista]

You are not alone 'round here Mossy! I am single too, and get lonely to be sure. I have faith in my future though, and i trust in my current path. My sober living present. This is my foundation from which all the treasure and jewels of the universe will unfold before me. This is what i believe, and what i have seen before.

Take care, and your cooking smells mighty fine from here Mam. :thumbsup:

[MossRose]

Thanks all for the words of support. I appreciate all of them. I just can't seem to get there tonight. I want to, and I will eventually. But happiness is eluding me at the moment. I promise to try harder

[NoSugar]

Happiness is nice, Moss, when it comes but I'm ok with contentment. I hope you can find that. xx, NS

[techie]

I am lonely. I am also sober. So, therefore, I am sober and lonely. It's 3:30 pm on a Saturday here, and I am doing my best. I am cooking good food. I am checking in at MWO. I am planning my garden. I am doing many things. I am grateful. But I am lonely. These wonderful things I am doing seem somewhat hollow because I have no one to share them with. Some days I am jealous (or is the correct word - envious) of everyone here who has "someone". Someone that really cares. If you do, and they are nice, please appreciate them. I have never really had that, so I can only imagine how wonderful it is. This is a cry-baby post. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I am sad. But I am sober. So there's that.

Hi there MossRose. Why don't you look into a meetup group in your area. It is a GREAT way to meet people and get active. Just google Meetup Groups. Meetup is one of the many many positive outcomes of the 9/11 tragedy. Need more info? Just let me know!

[abcowboy]

Moss, just so you know, even those of us who have someone beside us who we love and appreciate, doesn't mean we don't get lonely sometimes as well. There are lonely times in everyone's life, we just need to use our love for life to get through them! Some words of advice for you... God hasn't found the person who deserves your love and devotion just yet, but don't worry, He will!! :hug:

[available]

MR go on a dating site and tread in the water. Takes a lot of time to get rid of the weeds from the flowers and believe me there arent many flowers but i find it fun sober and i finally met a nice guy after 7 years of being single. You can get lots of free coffee believe me.

You can do it girl. xx

[MossRose]

I am having a pity party. It should be over soon. I just need to stay off Facebook. It makes me feel so worthless. I'm friends with my former sister-in-laws, so I also see things that I shouldn't. My ex-husband spent the day at a menu tasting for his upcoming wedding. Seriously - it's his fourth marriage. Wow - just wow!! It's going to be a huge event. He's only had 2 big weddings already - except for ours - we eloped. I am not sorry that we are divorced. He wasn't a nice man. But I am still paying the bills for our divorce, and he is buying her diamond rings, having a huge flashy wedding, and honeymooning in Europe. I want to puke. So maybe I'm not really lonely. I'm just angry, and disgusted. But it would be nice to go out to dinner with someone every once in a while

Ava, I don't think I'm dating material in my current state of mind, but maybe one day I'll give the online thing a whirl.

Cowboy, I remember being lonely when I was married so I hear ya.

NS - you know I'm usually quite content, but his last post pushed me over the edge.

Techie - I have checked out meet-ups in the area. I may give it a try. I'm not shy, but I find walking into a group of strangers a bit intimidating. I need to get over that, right?

Sorry all - just having a really bad day.

[available]

When i seen my ex a couple of weeks ago i was really angry too at him but i let that go when i seen that he has not changed, he never will change and i am the one moving forward with my life. he is needy and so is his current fiance, they are good for each other. Just be grateful MR that you are well rid of him and he will put his new wife through exactly the same hell as he put you and his others. A leopard never changes his spots i think. I know this time around what i want and i refuse to settle for second best, i would prefer to do it alone.

I am more in the state of mind to date now i am sober than when i was drinking! God i cringe at the men i seen.

Bad days are fine MR and its good to vent.

[MossRose]

Ava - you are right. This is just my bruised ego talking. My ex is a nightmare, and his poor fiance has no idea what she is getting into. Right now it's all rainbows and unicorns, but she will learn. I was her once upon a time. That makes me very sad. But she wouldn't believe me even if I tried to warn her. Thanks for being such a good friend. Feeling better now.

[Spiritfree]

Hi Moss -When I first read your post, my stomach sank in -I felt heartbroken for you. Your post sent me back thinking about my own toxic -pre sober days. Even though I was and am married to the same person -for over thirty years, with three sons, I remember the shear and painful loneliness that I felt. And always, when I was tired, I felt even more lonely.

I am an introvert by nature and design, but I finally had to force myself to start being around others -especially when I was first getting sober. For me, back in those lonely days, I would just make myself go to the shopping mall -just to be around others -without even speaking to anyone. I then started striking up meaningless conversations with others at the mall -just to feel a "part" of..... Today, I still love being an introvert but I also enjoy interacting with others.

Molly -thank you for making this post. I still find myself-on certain days, still feeling alone. I can sometimes be in a room with 50 people and totally by self. As you mentioned, you are sober. Just don't let the HALT syndrome drive you back to the firewater.

Edit Add: And Moss, I did watch a news report the other day and they mentioned the real depression that a lot of people experience during/after using Facebook. After listening to the report, I understand completely and exactly what they are talking about. I have just about become faceless on the book.

Also, someone mentioned Meetup groups. Great idea. I was very uncomfortable at first, but the I forced myself (again) to at least try a hiking Meetup group. I am still glad that I did -I have met a lot of strange cool people.

[MossRose]

Spirit - I am an introvert too. I hate it, but it's who I am. I would give anything to be different. I'm comfortable here on MWO, but in my real life, I tend to be a bit of a loner. Everyone tells me to "get out there and meet people." I want to. I like people. But I'm just not skilled at making new friends. Once I make a friend, I am loyal to the end. But oh my, getting there is a hard for me. Thanks for reaching out. From one introvert to another...it's much appreciated.

[treetops]

Moss - so sorry you are feeling so lonely and I think the weekends can be the worst. Also As others have said, even when you live with someone and love them - it can be very lonely. Mind you its easy also when you live with someone to mix-up lonely with the boring or with unhappy.

I know my own drinking was exacerbated by severe loneliness in the past - both at times when I lived alone (and lived in weird places where it was hard to meet people) and also when living with a partner. Loneliness has not evaporated with being sober but i think I cope better. Well at least its less messy when booze is not part of the mix.

I am not so sure about this whole introvert/extrovert dichotomy. I think many people are a bit of both and a lot can depend on circumstances. Ava's advice about maybe giving a dating site might be an idea - this will also depend a bit on where you live though. I don't know your age, but friendship is really important - I try to nuture my close friends, who themselves may be going through a lonely patch - with divorce or kids leaving home, or just getting old.
Anyway - lets hope you feel a bit better on Sunday!