Lonely

[Sunbeam]

Moss rose, it is important that you posted all of this, to get it out there and understand your feelings. You moved from loneliness to anger, that is good. My thought to get you out of your funk is to go out and visit some people who are truly lonely, in a nursing home or homeless shelter. Pick up a bouquet of flowers and give them away one by one. This activity may not be your choice, but I hope it will help stimulate your thinking. There is nothing better than giving to others to make you feel better, but it takes awhile to get there, especially when we have been stuck in a rut of expecting alcohol to fix everything.

[MossRose]

Thank you everyone for letting me vent last night. You all helped me get through a bad night. My anxiety took over, and I couldn't get it back under control. Of course, this morning I am ashamed that I made such a spectacle of myself. But there were only two alternatives - come here, be brutally honest, and deal with the embarrassment, or self-medicate. So in the end, there was only one alternative.

I got triggered by a few posts on FB (when will I learn to stay off that stupid site permanently), and it sent me spiraling into a bad place. No one can push my buttons better than my ex - and he wasn't even trying! How dumb of me. Plus, everyone seems to be having such a great time out there, and I don't know how to fit into that picture anymore. A whole lot of drinking going on in the world, yet everyone just looks so happy. I know it's false advertising, but it can still get to me at times. Especially photos of your old, long-time (former) friends hanging with the happy couple. aarrrgh. I must let it go.

So, I got very anxious, and then the self-loathing started. Comparing yourself to others is a very dangerous thing, and something I rarely do. But last night, I did just that, and I felt worthless. I started remembering every lousy thing I have ever done, and every stupid decision I have made while drinking and decided I deserved to be alone. It was a miserable thought pattern, and I finally just went to bed to escape. It worked. Today, I feel ok again.

I promise to take some of the wonderful advice here. I will put myself out there, even though it scares me. And I will try to be of service to others. I'm even thinking that it may be time for a big change in my life. Something that shakes up the status quo and takes me out of my comfort zone. If I am ever going to do it, now would be the ideal time.

Now, I am going to let this thread float to page two or beyond. My pity party is over. No regrets. Just lessons learned. I am grateful that I still have time to learn my lessons, and move forward.

Love to you all. I appreciate your help.

[Eloise]

You know Moss I think you have your head on straight. Focus on you, feel those feelings of disgust and then let them go.
I have to agree that maybe dating right now is not the best plan. Gosh it has taken me almost a year not to fantasize about having wine when out to dinner. So, I just didnt go which is a lot harder when you are home alone each evening.
I think you are doing great. Have you experimented with yoga or meditation? I am a bit fan...

[Guitarista]

Mossy, many folks i know have deleted their facebook accts. because of the reasons you mention. I am only on there for my music and muso connections, so i log on now and then, check messages, then get the hell outta there! lol. I can get caught up in the 'keeping up with the Joneses' mentality that has been drilled into many of us by media for years too, so i keep away from FB mostly. People close to me have my phone number if they need me. :dancin:

[Spiritfree]

Spirit - I am an introvert too. I hate it, but it's who I am. I would give anything to be different. I'm comfortable here on MWO, but in my real life, I tend to be a bit of a loner. Everyone tells me to "get out there and meet people." I want to. I like people. But I'm just not skilled at making new friends. Once I make a friend, I am loyal to the end. But oh my, getting there is a hard for me. Thanks for reaching out. From one introvert to another...it's much appreciated.

Hi Moss -I just now read your reply. I too, just like you, am loyal to the end of the earth to a friend once I become a friend with that person. In my life experience, this has served me well and it has also bitten me in the arse. I am quite sure that you know what I am talking about.

Moss, I did want to truly make a huge suggestion and request of you. Start liking your introversion. It is a huge and wonderful trait for those of us who are lucky enough to be this way.

Edit: Moss, I had one other thought that just now came to mind. A few years back, my wife came to me and apologized. At the time, I was shell shocked. There I was, trying to get sober, and feeling so much shame and guilt for the way that I had been, that my wife came to me and sincerely apologized for having unjustly judged me for not wanting to stay at or be at her family gatherings for much more than a short period of time. She and her entire family are a group of whacked out - loud talking extroverts. As she came to realize, I dearly love most all of her family members. I just can not stand to be around them for extended periods of times. It was at this time in my wife's apologies that she too had truly learned that there is a biological difference between intros and extros. What a freeing moment that was.


For years, I felt like the biggest loser in the world because I was this way. It just seemed that so many others were so happy all the time be around others. For me, I enjoyed being around others for short bursts of time, but man did I love more being with me, my thoughts, and my own projects. Nevertheless, I felt different, left out, and not part of "the world" so to speak. But then, a few years ago, I learned about the real meaning of introverts and extroverts, and my life took on new meaning. Once that I truly learned about introversion and extroversion, my life has never been the same.

Moss, for me, in my introverted way, I love sitting and discussing real information with small groups of people (2-3). When you get much over that amount, my internal brain receiving engine becomes overloaded and all I want to do is get the hell out. Under no circumstance, do I like sitting around talking small talk and gossip; I'd rather be painting a fence -by myself. Sometimes my work requires me to meet with large groups of people, even to speak in front of many. I do fine for an hour or so, but then I feel drained beyond all belief. I have to go recharge -sometimes for hours and sometimes for a day or two.

Moss, my entire point to this introvert rambling is the fact that it is truly a huge gift to be an introvert. But we introverts do have to get out and participate in this world. Most of the time, we are very glad that we participate, once that we do. But some of us then become aware of how awesome it is to be an introvert in an extrovert world -and this is a promise.

Please watch: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ts?language=en
SF

And Moss: LOL but true: Facebook is not a site oriented to introverts -just a thought. Typically, not always, an introvert dives in way to deeply to each and every post. Again, just a thought.

[MossRose]

Spirit - I wasn't going to answer your post - not because I didn't think it was excellent - but because I wanted my original embarrassing post to go away. The only way to do that is to be very quiet and hope it migrates to another page, right? But I had to say thank you for suggesting Susan Cain's Ted talk. It is brilliant. Maybe being an introvert isn't such a bad thing after all.

Your reply resonated with me on many different levels. I know exactly what you are talking about. All of it. Thank you. You will probably never really understand how much you have helped me. This is my truth. Thank you. And btw...I deactivated my FB account again. I am so much happier when I am off that site.

[Guitarista]

Damn! I just sent you a fb invite to play '3 chickens in the farmyard' whatever it's called......

guess i'll just have to read a book, or maybe do something. :congratulatory: